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    30+ After the first visit...

    My first post so please be gentle......

    My girlfriend and I have been corresponding by email, chatting on Skype and on the phone since September last year. We get on really, really well despite the huge distance involved which has from time to time threatened to break us up. We are mature (me 62 and her 49) and so thought we could be level headed and serious...no, we are never serious...laughter is a main thread running through our relationship....but serious and sensible when we met for the first time.

    She came to stay with me a couple of weeks ago and for 95% of the time it went so well, despite having about 60cm of snow while she was here which stranded us in the house for a couple of days. But I think we kind of jumped ahead too much and made unrealistic expectations of each other and what should happen during a visit of just over a week. At no time did we fall out and we were very close, kissing and cuddling all the time right until we said goodbye at the airport.

    Now that she is back home and we have begun chatting again she has asked that for now we are friends and to see what happens. She feels that maybe neither of us are ready to begin another relationship. I've been widowed for 4 years (having been together with my late wife for 10 years) and she has been divorced for 9 years. We both love each other I'm sure and I've suggested going to see her later in the year. However, I'm scared of being too pushy and am desperate not to lose her. Things have resumed more or less as they were before we met and we are very affectionate when we chat. I was hoping that things would be different and better if I stayed with her and we went on holiday for a week. I'd feel less pressure and anxiety plus being a widower, I hadn't reckoned on how influential my late wife would be on me here, so thought a change of location would help. Though I'm open to advice and suggestions this is more of a post to seek reassurance that it can work out..
    Last edited by sonnetpete; March 28, 2013, 05:11 PM.

    #2
    First of all, welcome to the forum!

    I agree that a change in location could probably do you some good. It's difficult to be surrounded by the memories of another person, even if you want to be with new person that is right there in front of you. Have you suggested anther visit with her yet? Does she seem agreeable to the idea? Talk with her and see how she feels about a reverse visit somewhere neutral. Good luck!

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      #3
      Thanks for the welcome....

      We discussed a while back about me going to stay with her and having a South African beach holiday for a week, around my birthday at the end of October. It would be both away from her family and my memories. I mentioned it again while she was here and got a positive reply. I've also commented on it in an email this week but won't bring it up again unless she does...I can see it working but don't want to 'push'....

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        #4
        It's been ages since I posted anything on here so I thought I'd let you know where we both 'were' so to speak...

        Nothing much has changed actually. Although my situation remains the same here my girlfriend is busier at work, has health issues which make her tired (thyroid) and is taking care of her eldest boy's one year old daughter some of the time as well. I've mentioned going to see her again but I think her home/work situation is too stressed at the moment for us to have the sort of time together I'd like us to enjoy. I always emphasise that I'm sympathetic to her lifestyle there and am here for her no matter where or when.

        We chat almost every day and if she isn't online of an evening I send her a text. We are both still affectionate and make jokes via chat as well. I sent her an e-card as it was a year yesterday since we began emailing and she thanked me and added 'thanks for being so wonderful'. It's been a rough year in many ways but hey, we are still 'together'. She has mentioned about coming to see me in May next year (when she attends a conference near London) so I'm hopeful that will come off.

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