30+ Going through the rough patches

[Jmoc1024]

There are times in my relationship where I feel we are going through a rough patch and he just does not notice it. Me and my boyfriend have been together as a couple since the end of December and it was just now this past March that we finally met face to face. It was great I was with him for four days. We clicked as much in person as we do on the phone and through Skype. Let me say that when it comes to communication, that was never a problem. It still is not to this day. So what is the problem you must be asking right? Ok me and him we can talk and have talked about everything and anything. The problem is the real life issues. Whenever he is going through a rough patch in his life he becomes distant and cuts the quality of our communication. I have brought this to his attention because I know he does not do this on purpose. I see when he does this that there are walls there that he won't let me through. Yet when I am going through one of my rough patches he will push me to tell him how I feel and what I am going through. I just want him to give me the opportunity to be there for him as much and in any way I can as he is for me. Since we are so far apart...I live in Virginia and he lives in Ohio. I want to be emotionally there for him as he is there for me. Yet he does this backing off thing and emotional distance thing. When I do bring it to his attention he recognizes it and tries to let me in. I know I shouldn't feel a certain kind of way about it but it hard when the person you are in a relationship keeps his hurt feelings from you. You want to be there for them and comfort them even if possible take the pain from them. I guess I would just like to know a way for us to be able to bond more to get over these walls and grow closer emotionally that way we can continue get closer.

[JoeyBug]

I have a similar situation with my SO. He's in the US and I'm in the UK. It's only been recently that I've been able to get him to open up when he's going through a rough patch. He's the kind of guy who will just retreat into himself and prefers to deal with things alone. Yet, when I'm having a rough patch, I like to talk things through with people and on numerous occasions he's been the person I go to. I talked it through with him and said that I didn't like the idea of him being so anxious and worked up that he was sat up all night with no one to talk to and made him promise to call me. He didn't at first, but then after a few conversations about it, he started to. He won't ALWAYS call, but it's a start.

You said that if you bring it to his attention he tries to correct his retreat, so maybe when you realise that he's going through a rough patch, just tell him that you know he struggles to open up, but that you are there for him no matter what the time is and no matter when it is. I know it may not be practical for you to suggest that. I don't work a proper job and sleep weird hours though I do have some kind of a routine which Scott knows about. This means that I am able to say "call whenever" despite the time difference. However, you are both in the US, so there shouldn't be a massive time difference.

This is my rambly way of saying, continue talking with him, continue letting him know that shutting you out is hurting you, but don't nag and demand he tells you everything. There are some things that all of us like to deal with alone. I wish you the best of luck!