30+ Don't know how to comfort him when he wants to be here to comfort me

[JoeyBug]

Hi everyone

I'm Joey - I'm new so you may not know me at all. I'm in an LDR with Scott who lives in the US while I'm in the UK. I'm 31 and he's 34. I am disabled with several chronic conditions and recently have been experiencing falls and collapses due to an, up until now, undiagnosed condition. I saw a specialist and he sent me for an MRI which I had in the middle of March and have been waiting for the results. Last week I got a call asking me to come in ASAP to see a Neuro about the results of the scan. The concern was that I had a brain tumour, which I spoke to Scott about and we joked and such (as we usually do, so it's not unlike him) and I knew that he was really worried.

Anyway, I saw the Neuro today and it turns out that sometime before Oct 2009 and now I had an infection or a virus or something (which could have happened then OR still be happening now) and it caused part of my brain to be damaged. The good news is that it's treatable and I should make a full recovery.

The reason I'm posting this is because I am waiting for Scott to call so we can talk about the results. I didn't want to tell him over text because it's a lot to explain and take in. I know he's going to want to come over to comfort me and help me recover. I also know he's going to joke and laugh about it because that's his way of dealing with stuff like this. My problem, well *our* problem is that he's saving up for a visa to come here on a more permanent basis and he can't afford to just drop everything and come here. If I was going to die or if it had turned out to be cancer, I could understand that. But I'm going to hopefully be fine and I know that I have support here, and I know that he'll be supporting me all he can from there.

I just don't want him to be anxious about not being here to comfort me, and I don't like not being with him to reassure him that I AM going to be okay, it will just take time. Any advice on getting over this hurdle? Any one been in a similar situation? I could really use some advice on how to handle this.

Thanks

Joey

[Thanh]

At first I felt a little bit down with the existence of the tumor (it reminds me the experience I had in the past with an ex of mine).
I'm so happy for you because you are going to be just fine Just stay positive and being cheerful will help both you and him. If you can, make joke about the tumor too, it sounds strange but it does help... It will go away after giving more strength to your relationship, regardless all the uncomfortable physical pain.

Hugs x x x

[JoeyBug]

At first I felt a little bit down with the existence of the tumor (it reminds me the experience I had in the past with an ex of mine).
I'm so happy for you because you are going to be just fine Just stay positive and being cheerful will help both you and him. If you can, make joke about the tumor too, it sounds strange but it does help... It will go away after giving more strength to your relationship, regardless all the uncomfortable physical pain.

Hugs x x x

Thanks for the advice. I normally joke along with him so will carry on doing that when we talk. Waiting for the call now

[Kristin91]

Tell us how it goes! good luck

[Chickadee30]

How far off is the visa option? If its a year or more I'd say have him come over if he wants to comfort you, if its inside of a year tell him you can get comfort knowing he is working on coming over on a more permanent basis and that will get you through the next several months. That's my time frame anyway maybe yours is double that, but I'd say if its gonna be a long time maybe it'd be nice for both of you to have a trip in the interim.

I hope you're feeling better soon!!

[summerkid]

That's such great news!! Fingers crossed for an easy and speedy full recovery! That must be such an amazing possibility for you..

As for how to deal with it... I don't really know, but if I were you, I'd just keep talking about it.. making jokes, being serious.. but keeping communication up and making sure to let him know I'm okay and that I also need him to be okay over there and to be strong and do the best thing for us.

Good luck

[JoeyBug]

Thanks for all the advice.

We spoke yesterday and this morning and we've decided that since he'll be getting a visa within six months or so that it would be better for him to stay there and me to stay here. I've told him that I'm okay and should make a full recovery and that I appreciate that he wants to be here to make sure, but that a trip now would mean it would be longer before he can afford to come with his visa. He seems to be okay with that.

Thanks again, I really appreciate it

[Chickadee30]

Yay! That'd be my choice if I were in your shoes. Saying goodbye is so hard, so I'd think easier to delay the hello for a longer stay in the end. feel better!!!!