here is the situation....I am suppose to go see my SO on Wednesday and things are not good. We aren't the same. The communication is down, he hardly texts me, if I don't text first he won't text, if I don't ask to Skype he won't mention it and things almost always come up and he doesn't Skype, or we talk and there is complete silence on the phone or on the screen. He doesn't sound the least bit excited that I am coming over he sounds more like it is a burden to him for me to come and see him. Last night we were suppose to Skype, something we hardly do because of what ever reason he has, and he supposedly fell asleep. This morning I text him and as I called it that is what happened he said he fell asleep. I told him how I felt that I was excited to Skype with him but obliviously it was of no importance to him. I received a text back from him saying that he has a lot on his plate that he is dealing with and that it wasn't like he was avoiding me. No, I don't feel he is avoiding me I feel like he just doesn't care and that he is using me. I have put time, effort, money, dedication, emotion...200% into this relationship and I don't feel he is doing the same. I am upset and angry because he always seem to have an excuse. I asked him that when I get there if he could stay with me on Friday because I leave on Saturday and he said he would try because he has his son. But when he wants to go out with the boys be leaves his son under the eye of his well trained guard dog or takes his son to his sister's house for the night...but he can't do that for one night with me!!!! We use to Skype all the time and now he is always busy and tired. He would before always find time to send me at least one text saying I miss you or I love you and now If I don't do it first it won't be said. He says that he is busy and that he is..he has his family to take care of and his son and his 3 hour work out...yes THREE HOUR workout that he does daily but there is no time for me. I tried talking to him on Skype about how the relationship is not the same and while I talked he played his XBOX..yes he did the whole time and never really responded to any of my questions about our relationship. Out of the blue he said that I had nothing to worry about because there is no competition and that no one is trying or taking my spot which I wonder why in the hell would he mention that when that was not the topic to begin with???? So my question is this...I have till tonight to cancel my reservation at the hotel and I can't get my ticket refunded...should I just cancel this trip and go about my marry way and say this is over? because all the signs are showing me that he is done with this.
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It's so hard for me to read walls of text, I admit I skimmed your post. Okay. I read the first and last lines. What I got out of it is your SO isn't talking to you, you have a plane ticket for this week, and you're considering reading up with him between now and when you see him. Correct me if I'm wrong, please.
The best advice I can give you is to talk to him. I realize this is your underlying problem with him, so then, quite possibly, this visit will be beneficial for you both.
2016 Goal: Buy a house.
Progress: Complete!
2017 Goal: Pay off credit card debt
Progress: Working on it. -
Same thing here, he's talking a lot less, says he's just busy. That he was putting off things he had to do to talk to me before and he can't keep doing that, I miss him. This sucks and I don't get how he can be busy 24/7 since we usually only talk when he's at work. We used to talk damn near 12 hrs a day, while he was busy,at work, during meetings, while he ran during his workout, ect. Now I get usually about 2 hours while he's at work and that much or less on the weekend. I dunno why he has a lack of excitement, your finally getting to see each other! He's got a lot on his plate, ask him about it, ask him if that's why he's not excited, maybe he's just worn out and frustrated. And as for canceling your trip, you can't refund the plane ticket, might as well go, see him for a bit, and if he can't be there with you the whole time go off on your own. Explore his city and just have fun, and why can't you guys spend time together with his kid? He shouldn't mind it, your still together and no worries about the kiddie.Comment
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if you got a chance to talk to him before canceling i would do that other wise I would cancel...
it's wierd that he got's time for his friend a 3 hour work out and playing with his xbox while "talking" to you it looks more like a booty call... (sorry blunt dutch girl may sound harder then i mean)
i understand that there are sometimes other things to do but we try to talk everyday atleast for a few minutes, but yeah this doesnt sound good..
good luck dear!Comment
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One word. Jerk.
IF you want to try one last time to talk to him and tell him that you really don't feel like coming anymore because he's acting like that, then tell him. If he says that he still wants you to come and he apologizes, then come. If he doesn't care, then drop him. You don't deserve a guy like that. I don't care if he has a three-hour workout, or a kiddo he has to take care of. In every relationship, my motto is this: If there's a will, there's a way.
It doesn't mean that he will still have to Skype with you even if he's on the gym doing his work out, but he has to understand that relationships require a lot of effort, effort and effort for it to work. Sadly dear, I think if he's being like that, he's just not that into the relationship.
Sending you hugs. Hope things get better and your SO realize things before you come visit him.
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I'm probably late to the party here (different timezone) but I read your post and I agree with what others have said. I'd say it's a good idea to proceed with the visit as planned, but also you should probably try not to get your hopes up. Just try to have fun while you're there, whether or not he'll be by your side during your time there. Unless you feel you can live with the wasted money for the tickets and genuinely don't want to go of course.
Please forgive me for being harsh, but I feel bad about the situation you're in and even though I don't even know you, please believe me when I tell you that you deserve better, because you do and I sincerely mean that!
If I were in this position, I'd go there to have a serious talk to him in person and confront him with his behavior (and if he's just interested in having sex but not in making an actual effort to make you feel loved, don't let him have that either. Even if it seems harmless, feeling used will seriously damage you, don't do that to yourself.)
Also, if I were in this position, I'd make sure to get out of this position as soon as I can. I've been in a number of bad (even outright abusive) relationships and this definitely sounds like a bad one in my book. It's hard to admit that to yourself when you're committed to someone, but it sounds like you're the only one committed to this relationship.
It doesn't matter that he thinks his excuses are legitimate, they're obviously hurting you, and in that regard he can throw all the logic in the world to you and think he won the discussion but you'll still feel hurt. So the decision of whether or not his excuses are good enough lies with you, as long as your feelings are on the line. The point I'm trying to bring across is that he's not about to change his level of commitment. This is what's normal to him, and if that's not enough for you you need to seriously rethink this relationship before you commit yourself even more. Personally, this wouldn't be nearly enough for me, a relationship like this would make me feel very unwanted and insecure and I'd need to get out asap. And to be honest, I think that would go for most women, you're not the problem, he is.
I'm sure he's not lying about having a lot on his plate, but that's not really the problem, is it? The problem is that he has a list of priorities and it sounds like you're not even in the top five even on a good day. That he's placed you below his son is understandable, but daily 3 hour workouts? Gaming? Those two things are obviously more important to him than you are, and that's probably perfectly acceptable and justifiable to him, let that sink in for a moment. I know that's a horrible thing to realize but please don't kid yourself.
You mentioned that he has a son that he takes care of. That means there's an ex. Unless there's a tragic reason for her absence in your SO's life, I'm willing to bet she left him for these exact reasons. Which would only go to show that you won't be able to change him, people have already tried and failed. If someone doesn't want to learn, keep your dignity and walk away.
Don't settle for less than you need, and don't tell yourself you won't find anyone better, because you will when you stop settling for less. Maybe not immediately, but definitely eventually. I can only advise you to find someone who is as committed to you as you are to him, you deserve that and you'll more than thank yourself for it in the long run!
Please accept this hug to make things a little better..
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I am going to echo what others have said in this situation...
LDR or not, communication is extremely important, and it appears that for whatever reason, your SO has lost interest. The best thing to do is have a conversation. Even though you may be upset, try to keep things low key. Start sentences with "I feel"... explain your perception then ask him, "Is that a fair assumption," or "Am I interpreting this correctly?" Give HIM a chance to talk. Let him know that he has the freedom to be totally honest with you about his feelings...
Men 101... they MAKE time for what they feel is important, Step away for a moment and see how he reacts. Become less available and do some things for YOU. It appears that you are making concessions to communicate, and he's just along for the ride. Cancelling may be the best option at this point (after an honest and open conversation). It would certainly be even more painful to endure his treatment in person.
(((((((HUGS)))))) We're here for you....Comment
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