My LDR is over. It was expected. I really don't have any answers as to why or how we got to this place. All I am sure of is that we can't get back to where we were from here. He has changed drastically and I got tired of putting in 120% and not getting anything back. I can't shake the feeling of having been used. But hey I guess I will get over this too. I don't wish him anything bad, just hope that when love knocks at his door again he knows how to respond. I can actually walk away from this and say that I gave him and this relationship my best. I can't speak for him and say the same. I am heartbroken and torn from this. I wish things ended differently. I think I am just going to close myself off for a while and get over this. Start to focus on me and what I need and want to do. I have blocked him from any contact with me. I think it is better that way. I don't want to be his friend or anything of the sort. The pain he caused me is still too much to bear. It hurts so much. I would cry but I think I have cried enough in this relationship. The fact that I feel that my best wasn't good enough is what hurts as well. The fact that I believed him and what he said hurts too. I can and did take a hint. He showed his true colors long ago and showed me what I really meant by the way he treated me. No one deserves to be treated like that especially if you claim you love them. But I guess I was the fool this time around. I want to thank everyone for their support. I guess I am still in shock and saddened by the whole ordeal. I actually thought that this would work. Especially since I was against the whole long distance thing to begin with. I really wish I could just bury my face in my pillow and cry the night away but I have things that have to be done and taken care of. No better time then the present right? 
how do you make the pain stop? how do you forget something so painful? how do you get someone that you feel so deeply for out of your system? how do you not become resentful and not feel hatred towards someone you love? how do you fall out of love? if anyone has the answers to these questions I would like to know them!!!! I gave so much and sacrificed so much...and I got NOTHING not a *******%%%%%^^^^^^%#@@#%^&*(*&^^% (put whatever you want there) BACK!!!!!! THAT IS UNFAIR DAMN IT!!!! HOW THE HELL DOES HE GET TO GO ON WITH HIS HAPPY GOOD FOR NOTHING SELF KNOWING THAT HE MADE ME SO UNHAPPY WHEN ALL I DID WAS GIVE GIVE AND GIVE EVEN MORE????? I AM THE ONE HE CALLED WHEN EVERYTHING WAS FALLING APART WITH HIM SO I COULD FIX IT BY LISTENING, I AM THE ONE THAT WHEN HE FOUND OUT ABOUT HIS DAUGHTER'S CONDITION HE CALLED TO GET COMFORT, I AM THE ONE HE WOULD CALL CRYING ON THE PHONE WHEN THINGS IN HIS GOOD GREAT HARD TO LIVE IN WORLD WERE FALLING APART....I AM THE ONE THAT WHEN THINGS WERE FALLING APART IN MY WORLD I WOULD SOLVE IT AND SOLVE HIS PROBLEM WITHOUT HIM EVEN KNOWING IT. I WAS THE SUPPORTIVE ONE TO HIM FOR HIM TO GET HIS NEW CAR....HELL I WAS THE ONE THAT NEGOTIATED THE DEAL THAT IS WHY HE PAYS SO LITTLE NOW!!! I AM THE ONE THAT ENCOURAGED HIM TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND FINISH HIS MASTERS!!!! I AM THE ONE HE WOULD TALK TO ABOUT HIS PARNETAL WAYS....HELL I PUT TIME MONEY LOVE EMOTION EFFORT......EVERYTHING INTO THIS AND HE GETS TO WALK ALONG HIS MARRY %^&*ING WAY LIKE NOTHING EVERY HAPPENED!!!!!! LIKE I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING!!!! I MEAN REALLY HOW MANY %$#@ING EXCUSES CAN ONE PERSON HAVE!!!!! AN EXCUSE DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT!!!!!! but it's over....and now I have to face this pain and the sorrow and the crying and the heartache and the heartbreak alone. while he gets to go on and be happy like he has always been.
how do you make the pain stop? how do you forget something so painful? how do you get someone that you feel so deeply for out of your system? how do you not become resentful and not feel hatred towards someone you love? how do you fall out of love? if anyone has the answers to these questions I would like to know them!!!! I gave so much and sacrificed so much...and I got NOTHING not a *******%%%%%^^^^^^%#@@#%^&*(*&^^% (put whatever you want there) BACK!!!!!! THAT IS UNFAIR DAMN IT!!!! HOW THE HELL DOES HE GET TO GO ON WITH HIS HAPPY GOOD FOR NOTHING SELF KNOWING THAT HE MADE ME SO UNHAPPY WHEN ALL I DID WAS GIVE GIVE AND GIVE EVEN MORE????? I AM THE ONE HE CALLED WHEN EVERYTHING WAS FALLING APART WITH HIM SO I COULD FIX IT BY LISTENING, I AM THE ONE THAT WHEN HE FOUND OUT ABOUT HIS DAUGHTER'S CONDITION HE CALLED TO GET COMFORT, I AM THE ONE HE WOULD CALL CRYING ON THE PHONE WHEN THINGS IN HIS GOOD GREAT HARD TO LIVE IN WORLD WERE FALLING APART....I AM THE ONE THAT WHEN THINGS WERE FALLING APART IN MY WORLD I WOULD SOLVE IT AND SOLVE HIS PROBLEM WITHOUT HIM EVEN KNOWING IT. I WAS THE SUPPORTIVE ONE TO HIM FOR HIM TO GET HIS NEW CAR....HELL I WAS THE ONE THAT NEGOTIATED THE DEAL THAT IS WHY HE PAYS SO LITTLE NOW!!! I AM THE ONE THAT ENCOURAGED HIM TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND FINISH HIS MASTERS!!!! I AM THE ONE HE WOULD TALK TO ABOUT HIS PARNETAL WAYS....HELL I PUT TIME MONEY LOVE EMOTION EFFORT......EVERYTHING INTO THIS AND HE GETS TO WALK ALONG HIS MARRY %^&*ING WAY LIKE NOTHING EVERY HAPPENED!!!!!! LIKE I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING!!!! I MEAN REALLY HOW MANY %$#@ING EXCUSES CAN ONE PERSON HAVE!!!!! AN EXCUSE DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT!!!!!! but it's over....and now I have to face this pain and the sorrow and the crying and the heartache and the heartbreak alone. while he gets to go on and be happy like he has always been.
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