30+ Things Are Falling Apart

[EastCoast]

For 8 months I had a perfect LDR. Our next meeting is scheduled for July 4, I am supposed to drive up for a long weekend, he lives 2 1/2 hours away from me.

But, recently things have changed. About month and 1/2 ago he went MIA for a week and then contacted me telling me he was going cold turkey off his meds. Two weeks later same thing happened. Then a week ago I got an email telling me his life sucked. A week later I got a text apologolizing. I responded and he blew me off. I decided to just move on. Then thinking that maybe he was going through bad times, yesterday I texted him and said "if you need to talk" I am here. He called me back immediately we talked last night.

He told me good it was to hear my voice, he loved me blah, blah, blah. But at times he seemed hostile. When the conversation ended he promised an AM email. At the end of the conversation I felt emotionally raped. This AM - no email.

I think this one has run its course and I do not know how end it. If things are hard for him I understand, but if you love someone you don't ignore them. I have too much pride to have a "talk" with him. I don't expect to hear from him tonight. I also wonder if there is someone else and he is hedges his bets. Part of me wants to be a child protect myself close my email account and block him from my phone. The other part wants to wait and see what he is going to do and leave lines open. I just refuse to chase after him, I am too old for that. I know I sound childish but I am hurt and mad.

[Kristin91]

You said he told you he's going off his meds... I don't know anything about your SO but is this serious? Depending on what his meds are for going off of them could be dangerous to him, but it could also be prompting his recent responses to you.

[digitalfever]

You said he told you he's going off his meds... I don't know anything about your SO but is this serious? Depending on what his meds are for going off of them could be dangerous to him, but it could also be prompting his recent responses to you.

This.

His behaviour is erratic and unpredictable. Clearly..., he needs his pills.

[kruemmel375]

My boyfriend of 1 year 20 months broke up with me a week ago. I know he went off his anti-depressants and I wonder if that is part of the problem. We had a great relationship, but he would go MIA sometimes, but only for like a day, so a week would send me running unless he had a damn good reason. Unfortunately, I don't want my relationship to end and although it wasn't perfect, it was an overall great relationship and I'm reeling from the pain that he gave up on us. LDR's, especially with kids (I have 3, one of whom has ADHD and he has two) are so challenging. The issue with these typse of guys is that when they go MIA it doesn't bode well for the relationship. It's very selfish and you have to wonder if he will ever get better. You have to go with your heart, and coming from someone who is going through a breakup, it's easier said then done. I think you need to end the relationship and go no contact. Give him time to get his mess together and give you time to really think about if this is something you want to possibly live with for the rest of your life. The longer you let this relationship go, the harder it will be to leave. 8 months is awhile, but give yourself a few weeks and see if you still miss all the drama. I would tell him you need to have no contact for at least 3 weeks. It'll be hard but you can do it. Please take care of yourself and let us know what happens.

[ThePiedPiper]

I agree with the others. You need time to decide whether or not you can deal with someone who at times decides he's better and goes off his meds and then everyone else (as well as him) is left to deal with the repercussions. It's not easy. It can also be incredibly dangerous for him to simply stop his medication, depending on the pill and on what dosage. I stopped my anti-depressants cold turkey when I was younger because no one would help me get off of them the right way. I suffered for probably 2-3 weeks as a result of it. While I did not see the effect they had on me while taking them, it was obvious that my body had grown to depend on them after several months of daily use with the mental and emotional effects that I experienced. However, there were no bad physical side effects. Had I done it with my other pills (and my mental health professionals took me seriously the next time), it could have provoked seizures. Has your SO seen a doctor since quitting the pills?

[EastCoast]

Thank you everyone for the quick responses. He was on high doses of OxyContin.

I took the easy way out. I texted him and told him that his behavior was erratic, hurting me and if he needed to let go than save both of us the time and let go.

He texted immediately:

OK I will =)

So it is over. But I do not know what =) means. It is part smiling which pisses me off - but what does = mean?

[Kristin91]

=) is just a smiley face...

[kruemmel375]

I'm sorry but he sounds like a jerk. Anyone that would respond like that isn't worth your time. I hate this for you, but letting go of this guy sounds like the best thing for you. Find some ways to make yourself happy and do them!

[EastCoast]

So he is happy. Nice way to end things. What a jerk. I didn't deserve that. Now I wanna rip him a new one. But I'll let Karma take care of it.

[EastCoast]

Well 2 hours later he called me begging for forgiveness. I have none to give.

[CynicalQuixotic]

My brother was a prescription pill addict (well, among other things, but Oxy was his main thing). Please stay away from this guy. Your life will be so much better for it.

[Jmoc1024]

You don't need to be in a relationship that makes you feel like an emotional yo-yo. I know what you are going through minus the meds. Me and my SO broke up and it was hard being in the relationship. His change was a total 360 and I would ask why the change? I was still the same supporting loving SO, giving my 300% to the relationship and nothing changed...he didn't change, it just got worst. I found myself crying, less happy and more devastated and depressed. The communication fell apart and like you I got those stupid smiley faces as well...kind of makes you want to tell him where he can shove the stupid smiley face while you smile. Point is...that relationship drained me, emotionally, economically and spiritually. No matter how much I talked the less he heard, no matter how much I texted the less he cared, until finally I just couldn't take it and I had to accept that he was just using me, calling me when he was drunk, calling me to cry on my shoulder, calling me only when he needed me....doing just that emotionally raping and taking advantage of me. It sucks, I'm still not over it, I don't know where I am at right now, but I do know this....sometimes you can feel so lonely in a relationship, even lonelier then when you are single. When you find yourself in a relationship that takes this kind of toll on you, you find yourself losing who you are. Hopefully you haven't got that far. Take your time to get over it....scream, yell, block him....do what needs to be done. Predators like him and my x-SO do just that they prey on us....they only come back when they need us and that is not love, that is being used. I know what you are going through, I am not over my SO either....Hopefully one day I will be, and it will be ok.

[AZTee]

So he is happy. Nice way to end things. What a jerk. I didn't deserve that. Now I wanna rip him a new one. But I'll let Karma take care of it.

He's NOT happy, he can't handle what's going on. A lot of men do that. Obviously he has issues that need to be dealt with. Only you can decide if you want to be the one to deal with them with him. You mentioned you had too much pride to have a "talk" with him....true love has no pride, just forgiveness and love. Just my opinion, like I said you are the only one who can make this decision.