I am new to the boards and needed a place to vent to folks who probably can understand better than anyone else.
My boyfriend of 1 yr 20 months just told me last Tuesday night that he thought we should end the relationship. We live 2.5 hours away and share mutual friends where I live. His best friend is a friend of mine although he is not the one that got us together. The longest we have ever gone without seeing eachother is 2 weeks and we would try to speak daily.
Overall we had a great relationship but the distance thing came up more than once before as well as neither one of us were in a position to move. There were times I questioned whether it was worth it or not and felt like calling it off a few times myself.
We have 5 children between us and both have shared custody that will never change on his end, but potentially if I push it, could change on my end. We had no end date in site though..until my youngest got of school in 7 years. I guess I always had hope that something would work out.
Anyway, after we got mad at eachother one night while I was up visiting (not a big fight, i was upset he basically passed out on me), he said he couldn't do it anymore. We talked about it a little, but unfortunately my ambien had kicked and I don't remember all the conversation. We talked the next day and I asked if we were ok and he said he wasn'ts sure. That things were so hard, and with 5 kids it was just crazy. He said let's leave things how they are for now but that he had some thinking to do (which he is horrible at - he'd rather not think and have to make hard decisions). I asked him if he needed space to think and he said no, that that wasn't necessary. We agreed, although I was fighting back thte tears, that if things weren't working out we both wanted to remain friends. He was my best friend and I thought my soul mate - hence that why was I was willing to work so hard.
Fast forward to Tuesday (with hardly any contact from him all weekend) and I pressured him for some answers. His answer was to say he thought we needed to go our seperate ways (paraphrasing) He sited that he honestly had a really hard time dealing with my son, that he did't see us getting married right now and that I needed to move on with my life and not wait around for him to decide. I asked him if he was still in love with and he said yes. I asked if he pictured his life without me and he said that no, not particulary. I asked if there was anyone else or did he just want to be single, again he stated no. This is a good, honest, guy so I'm taking him at his word.
We had plans to go the beach in June - kids and all. My children really adore him and his kids so they were really looking forward to it. I said I could still cancel the trip without any fees and he said he still wanted me and my kids to go and that he would still pay his half. I said I would just book somewhere else and not wot worry about that. I asked him about getting his things and he said not to worry about that that we would see eachother and talk to eachother again and we'd worry about that later. I asked what to say to the kids as I knew this would be hard on them. He said to tell them we were on a break. I asked why I should say that if it's over and he said again, you will see me again. I asked if a break meant we would see other people and he told me that if I wanted to that I should. I asked him if he wanted to and he said no, I have no plans to see or have sex with other people. I said ok and that I had to go and we said goodbye.
Not a word from his since. We didn't say when we would talk again so I'm leaving it up to him to contact me. I did send him an email Thursday thanking him for all he had done for my kids and I and that I now realized that I truly had things I needed to work on irregardless of if we got back together. I wanted him to be happy and I would always love him.
I really think we can work things out and I'm very hurt he is giving up. He just went off his ant-depressants about a month ago and I wonder if that is part of the problem. It may be he wanted to get out for awhile and just never had the guts to do it. I just don't know. Any advise, suggestions?
My boyfriend of 1 yr 20 months just told me last Tuesday night that he thought we should end the relationship. We live 2.5 hours away and share mutual friends where I live. His best friend is a friend of mine although he is not the one that got us together. The longest we have ever gone without seeing eachother is 2 weeks and we would try to speak daily.
Overall we had a great relationship but the distance thing came up more than once before as well as neither one of us were in a position to move. There were times I questioned whether it was worth it or not and felt like calling it off a few times myself.
We have 5 children between us and both have shared custody that will never change on his end, but potentially if I push it, could change on my end. We had no end date in site though..until my youngest got of school in 7 years. I guess I always had hope that something would work out.
Anyway, after we got mad at eachother one night while I was up visiting (not a big fight, i was upset he basically passed out on me), he said he couldn't do it anymore. We talked about it a little, but unfortunately my ambien had kicked and I don't remember all the conversation. We talked the next day and I asked if we were ok and he said he wasn'ts sure. That things were so hard, and with 5 kids it was just crazy. He said let's leave things how they are for now but that he had some thinking to do (which he is horrible at - he'd rather not think and have to make hard decisions). I asked him if he needed space to think and he said no, that that wasn't necessary. We agreed, although I was fighting back thte tears, that if things weren't working out we both wanted to remain friends. He was my best friend and I thought my soul mate - hence that why was I was willing to work so hard.
Fast forward to Tuesday (with hardly any contact from him all weekend) and I pressured him for some answers. His answer was to say he thought we needed to go our seperate ways (paraphrasing) He sited that he honestly had a really hard time dealing with my son, that he did't see us getting married right now and that I needed to move on with my life and not wait around for him to decide. I asked him if he was still in love with and he said yes. I asked if he pictured his life without me and he said that no, not particulary. I asked if there was anyone else or did he just want to be single, again he stated no. This is a good, honest, guy so I'm taking him at his word.
We had plans to go the beach in June - kids and all. My children really adore him and his kids so they were really looking forward to it. I said I could still cancel the trip without any fees and he said he still wanted me and my kids to go and that he would still pay his half. I said I would just book somewhere else and not wot worry about that. I asked him about getting his things and he said not to worry about that that we would see eachother and talk to eachother again and we'd worry about that later. I asked what to say to the kids as I knew this would be hard on them. He said to tell them we were on a break. I asked why I should say that if it's over and he said again, you will see me again. I asked if a break meant we would see other people and he told me that if I wanted to that I should. I asked him if he wanted to and he said no, I have no plans to see or have sex with other people. I said ok and that I had to go and we said goodbye.
Not a word from his since. We didn't say when we would talk again so I'm leaving it up to him to contact me. I did send him an email Thursday thanking him for all he had done for my kids and I and that I now realized that I truly had things I needed to work on irregardless of if we got back together. I wanted him to be happy and I would always love him.
I really think we can work things out and I'm very hurt he is giving up. He just went off his ant-depressants about a month ago and I wonder if that is part of the problem. It may be he wanted to get out for awhile and just never had the guts to do it. I just don't know. Any advise, suggestions?
Comment