30+ His sister called......

[Jmoc1024]

As some of you may know, my LDR is over and it is still rough going about my daily life without him. It hasn't been that long since the breakup. I have him blocked from contacting me. Four days ago I get a phone call from with an Ohio area code. I recognize the area code but not the number, once again he is blocked and I am really bad with numbers. So I answered the phone. It was his sister. She proceeded to tell me that he is in the hospital, he had a stroke induced by stress. I said that I was sorry to hear that and hope he got well soon but that I am the last person she should be calling because me and him are no longer together. She told me that she knew that already. He had told her about the breakup....then why are you calling again????? (I thought it, but wasn't going to be rude to say it). She said continued to say that he asked her to call me and tell me. She continued to tell me out of her own train of thought that I should talk to him, he feels bad about the break up and the way things went the last time I visited him. She continued to say that he is distant and he has always been this way but that she could tell he does still truly love me even though she was not in agreement with the things he did and how he treated me...we were taught better then that as she said. I told her he is blocked from any contact with me and that I appreciate her concern for what was our relationship but I am still hurt, talking to him will just make things worst. We talked for quit awhile on the phone and I told her many things that led to our rupture. She continued to tell me that he really wants to hear from me, that maybe this stroke is what he needed to see what was important to him....I swear to God I heard that in some romantic drama..(once again I thought it, but didn't say it)....I probably should of said it huh? She did make a valid point me and him were great best friends before we were a couple. My point of view in all this is.....if I was such a great friend then why did he do me the way he did? Why should I contact him? Because he is in the hospital and had a stroke. Many people have strokes everyday and you don't see me voluntarily going to go see them or calling the hospital to talk to them. My point is if he really wants to apologize he can do it himself and not use his stroke as an excuse to suddenly realize what he had. I am sorry he is going through this, I wish no harm or foul to anyone, but I was the one hurt here and now his sister wants to convince me to attend to him in his time of need. Where was he during my time of need again??????? Oh yeah that's right He was busy. I am not busy but I don't have time to waste. But the truth is that I am still very much in love with him and hurting, and I don't know how to respond to this. He hurt me deeply and I still hurt and suffer till this day, like I said the breakup is still fresh about a month now. Do I call, text, IM or just leave it be? I mean if he was dead she would of told me right??? so things aren't as bad as they could be???

[Efox]

i had to read your break up story before it, to make a normal comment, and my advice is to ignore....he really isn't worth it...if he was he would come to you to apologise in person, and not let sis call after the shity thing he did....

[Hollandia]

I agree. He needs to call you directly and then you can think about giving him another chance. If you do, he needs to change and treat you as you deserve. No excuses, he just needs to do it or goodbye for good. I would tell him that in no unspoken words so he cannot try to blame further health issues on you.

Treat me as I want or get lost. It is a deal breaker for me. It is that simple.

[aniay]

I agree. He needs to call you directly and then you can think about giving him another chance. If you do, he needs to change and treat you as you deserve. No excuses, he just needs to do it or goodbye for good. I would tell him that in no unspoken words so he cannot try to blame further health issues on you.

Treat me as I want or get lost. It is a deal breaker for me. It is that simple.

But taught by experience I add People doesn't change. Not in the core of themselves. They might treat you differently for some time but they usually come back to what they've been. Do you WANT to be with him as he was?

I'd send him a get well message and tell that it doesn't change anything.


*hugs* wish you strength

[Hollandia]

But taught by experience I add People doesn't change. Not in the core of themselves. They might treat you differently for some time but they usually come back to what they've been. Do you WANT to be with him as he was?

I'd send him a get well message and tell that it doesn't change anything.


*hugs* wish you strength

I tend to agree with you, but sometimes people feel a need to exhaust all options. I think that if she feels the need to do, then she should soul search and do so; however, if she does this it needs to be on her terms and she should walk at fist sign of non-compliance.

[Jade_Crystal]

I gave your break up story a read as well before posting a reply. The first thing that came to my mind was that... He doesn't seem like a reliable partner for you. Regardless of the reason, it seemed that it was in his nature (or perhaps habit) to let go or take it easy when things became difficult to an extent he considered his limit, although your limit would have stretched far beyond that as far as he was concerned.

From my experience that's by definition an imbalance within a relationship that is really hard to solve; it's that kind of relationship that becomes quickly, but steadily one-sided and has a high tendency to remain that way. Surely people can change in many aspects, but caring more about someone who dedicates themselves to you is something that a person cannot really be made to do more of. I guess each of us has their own way of processing that and practicing it.

I personally know of a couple that have been going on and off a couple times in the past 3-4 years simply because he kept committing the same mistake: each time she was dedicated, he took her for granted and neglected and angered her in such way that she was hurt enough to break up, then he begged for her back and did numerous incredulous things to get her back within the relationship, things would be amazing then for a short period of time after which the same neglectful cycle would begin. They're still together, because she simply got used to that sort of treatment and lowered her expectations a lot; I guess to some extent she's also concerned that she cannot get anyone that's better. But limiting yourself like that and accepting less than you deserve is one of those mistakes people take a lot to realize... until it's pretty "late" and they've invested a lot of years in the relationship.

I know you're hurting pretty badly still as it takes a lot of time to get past things, people and heal, but you're being very brave, mature and wise to know what's best of you and I strongly support the decisions and path you made for yourself and your children. I believe it's for the best and you should stick to the decision and not give a person more than tops 2 chances; the third would be already too much. You were also quite perceptive in understanding and realizing that a stroke is nothing special and that you shouldn't rely on revelations that happen within exceptional situation, when in a normal state things were as they were.

[Dezface]

I think you're right to keep your distance. Tell his sister you hope he recovers soon, you wish him the best, and be done with it.

[iHeartt]

I agree with Dez.
If you were in the hospital would he call you?

[ThePiedPiper]

I think you're right to keep your distance. Tell his sister you hope he recovers soon, you wish him the best, and be done with it.

This. It's easy for people to use things like this to manipulate you into crawling back. It sounds like his family is there for him, so it's not like you're his only support either. These things are meant to hurt. That's why they call it "heartbreak." That doesn't mean he's changed and that you should give him a secondchance out of pity and false hope because he's had a stroke and is convinced he needs to change. It's easy to say you'll change when you're suffering but a lot harder once you start taking life for granted again. Hang in there and be strong. And don't answer anymore Ohio area codes!

[alittlemind]

I don't believe people change. When I broke up with my last boyfriend, he told me it was all a wake up call and he should treat me better and really tried to get me back by promising to do all the things I had wanted him to do when we were together. But as soon as I told him I was not going to give him another chance, he returned to his normal jerk self... I don't think it is worth it to return to this relationship after he hurt you so much. You deserve so much better. Best wishes