30+ Newbie to Group and to LDR's

[MZVIRGO82]

Hi all,

I am super excited to have found this group and to hopefully get advice. I am currently thinking about starting a LDR. I met this guy almost two years ago via social media and we have always kept in touch off and on. When we first met I was in a relationship. My relationship ended almost a year ago and about 6 weeks ago my potential guy messaged me out of the blue (we hadn't talked in months). He told me how he's always been interested but I was never available. I shared with him that I am available and that if he wanted to get to know me call me. We exchanged numbers and have been talking/texting pretty much daily ever since.

We have expressed that we both like each other. We have great conversations that last for hours sometimes (I feel bad because he stays up to 1-2am with me knowing he has to work in the morning) and we seem to have a lot in common.

It just so happens that prior to visiting him, I had actually planned and booked a vacation where he lives to happen in about 7 weeks. So now that I know he is in the area and we have been talking daily and have expressed interest in one another-I am planning to meet him face-to-face. He says he is super excited to finally meet me and has plans of what we can do while I am there.

I am nervous because I really REALLY like him and want to know where he sees this going. He has indicated that he likes me and thinks us connecting is fate ect.. I am also nervous because I hope he isn't just telling me what I want to hear, just loking for a weekend fling, or isn't serious.

I am dying to have a conversation about "where this is going and what are we doing" with him, but am wondering if I should wait until we actually meet? How should I procced with this possible relationship up until we meet? I also don't want to get super excited and be let down as well.

What should I do???All advice is welcome.

[Benni]

I would wait and have that conversation after meeting. Who knows, things might not 'click' when you meet and there would be no point in even having that convo. I would proceed with the texts/calls -- getting to know each other better, and Skype if you have that. Skype made all the difference in the world when I was in my LDR.

[MZVIRGO82]

Thank you for your reply! I appreciate it! I will bring up skyping or whatever video chat option we can do as it is necessary to see him prior to me actually visiting. One can never be too sure.

As much as I want to wait to have that conversation, my impatient side is really wanting to know where all of this is going. August cant get here fast enough!!

[Benni]

You've only re-connected 6 weeks ago. Be patient, take things as they come. It took me 3 months of daily chats/texts/phone calls before I was even comfy enough to skype with him and I am NOT a shy woman!

[MZVIRGO82]

Thank you for responding, I appreciate and will probably follow your advice! In the past I've always rushed things so I will try another approach this time

[BabyGund]

Howdy!

[MZVIRGO82]

Hi!!! Have a great weekend!!

[Lissimichelle]

Hi! I am about to be in a LDR for the first time ever. I am so scared and have so many insecurities. It will only be for about 6 months but it still freaks me out. All i do is cry when i think about not being with him everyday. Any advice or encouragement greatly appreciated.

[MZVIRGO82]

Hi Lissimichelle- Although I'm also pretty new to the whole ldr idea, my suggestion (which is helping me) is to make sure to live your life and continue to do the things you did aside from your relationship. Although this is all new (aside from the time we arrange to talk, which is usually during the evenings way after work) I make sure to do other things with my time so I won't have time to sit and dwell on our relationship.

So far keeping myself preoccupied has worked. We also haven't met yet so I guess it's different as well.

We are actually meeting this weekend! So right now concentrating on getting ready to meet him is keeping me busy :-)

Best of luck to you and your partner, I hope the 6 months go by super fast for you!

[alizee]

Hi Lissimichelle- Although I'm also pretty new to the whole ldr idea, my suggestion (which is helping me) is to make sure to live your life and continue to do the things you did aside from your relationship. Although this is all new (aside from the time we arrange to talk, which is usually during the evenings way after work) I make sure to do other things with my time so I won't have time to sit and dwell on our relationship.

So far keeping myself preoccupied has worked. We also haven't met yet so I guess it's different as well.

We are actually meeting this weekend! So right now concentrating on getting ready to meet him is keeping me busy :-)

Best of luck to you and your partner, I hope the 6 months go by super fast for you!

Hello! I am in a LDR myself, of 2,5 months and I can tell you that it is really hard for me. I never thought I could do that. He invited me to come to visit him 2 times already, but I said that I wasn*t ready to come and that it was too early. He understood it and we*re planning on meeting in September, because that*s when he comes home with work vacation (you see we have the same hometown, which I still live in). Now, September seems so far away!!!!! Yoy say that we should be involved in other activities to keep our minds off our LDR and I understand that, but sometimes it gets really hard for me. I mean not even my friends or the activities I previously did make me happy anymore and I feel the void inside mostly all the time. Sometimes it gets better, but sometimes it*s hard, even with friends by my side. And it*s summer and I see all the time happy coulples on the street and I think about my bf and the fact that we are appart. Although we never saw each other I started to care for him as he is such an intelligent, smart,sincere, polite, calm, active and hard working person (I never thought I could fall in love with someone just by talking on the phone!!!!). We can*t talk everyday because he has such a stressful job and gets home tired, just 3 -5 times/ week and I also feel that he is not much of a phone talker, but everytime we talk I feel we have (not always interesting conversations!) harmonious and peaceful talks which is so great for me!!!

[MZVIRGO82]

Hello! I am in a LDR myself, of 2,5 months and I can tell you that it is really hard for me. I never thought I could do that. He invited me to come to visit him 2 times already, but I said that I wasn*t ready to come and that it was too early. He understood it and we*re planning on meeting in September, because that*s when he comes home with work vacation (you see we have the same hometown, which I still live in). Now, September seems so far away!!!!! Yoy say that we should be involved in other activities to keep our minds off our LDR and I understand that, but sometimes it gets really hard for me. I mean not even my friends or the activities I previously did make me happy anymore and I feel the void inside mostly all the time. Sometimes it gets better, but sometimes it*s hard, even with friends by my side. And it*s summer and I see all the time happy coulples on the street and I think about my bf and the fact that we are appart. Although we never saw each other I started to care for him as he is such an intelligent, smart,sincere, polite, calm, active and hard working person (I never thought I could fall in love with someone just by talking on the phone!!!!). We can*t talk everyday because he has such a stressful job and gets home tired, just 3 -5 times/ week and I also feel that he is not much of a phone talker, but everytime we talk I feel we have (not always interesting conversations!) harmonious and peaceful talks which is so great for me!!!

Hi Alizee! Thank you for your response. I do agree that at times it is hard, even when you are doing things to preoccupy your time. For example, this weekend my best friend had a gathering to celebrate her husband's birthday. It was fun and we had a great time, but there were mainly couples in attendance. I was the only single person there. It was momentarily weird, and all I could think about is the fact that if I decide to try a LDR-there will be many more events where I will have to go solo while he is back home. For me-unless one of us moves, we will be long distance.

If I were to drop all of the activities/hobbies I was doing prior to our relationship-I think I would go insane, lol. So for me keeping busy and continuing to do what I normally do in addition to maintaining our blossiming relationship works for me.

Luckily, the weirdness of being the only solo person lasted a short period. At the end of the day- you have to do what is right for you. What made you hold back on visiting your guy after he asked you to twice? Just curious.

[alizee]

Hi Alizee! Thank you for your response. I do agree that at times it is hard, even when you are doing things to preoccupy your time. For example, this weekend my best friend had a gathering to celebrate her husband's birthday. It was fun and we had a great time, but there were mainly couples in attendance. I was the only single person there. It was momentarily weird, and all I could think about is the fact that if I decide to try a LDR-there will be many more events where I will have to go solo while he is back home. For me-unless one of us moves, we will be long distance.

If I were to drop all of the activities/hobbies I was doing prior to our relationship-I think I would go insane, lol. So for me keeping busy and continuing to do what I normally do in addition to maintaining our blossiming relationship works for me.

Luckily, the weirdness of being the only solo person lasted a short period. At the end of the day- you have to do what is right for you. What made you hold back on visiting your guy after he asked you to twice? Just curious.

I thought it was too early to visit him. He asked me first after the first 3 weeks of IM talking and I thought I don*t know this guy very well as to go to a city I have never been to see him. I wasn*t afraid of him being a strange guy, because I kind of know him through his family, but I just wasn*t prepared to go emotionally speaking. I haven*t been in a relationship for a long time (and I think that he wasn*t either because that*s what I understood from him) and also I didn*t want to sound so desperate, needy as to go there after only 3 weeks of relationship. I didn*t want to look like an easy woman (maybe this thinking is a little old and out of fashion, but I think that way!!!), or someone who is interested in flings. I am a person who wants a serious relationship and I guess he is too, because that*s the message I got from him. I explained my reasons and he was ok with it.
The second time he invited me was last week and I wanted to go, but I kind of was disturbing him, because he said to me that in August, for 2-3 weeks, he will have some work to do on his house. I told him this and he also understood.
So, we will meet in September when he will be home from his work vacation. He plans on staying 4-5 days. And, I believe, with all this that my mind wants to feel safe and secure because I feel better (emotionally speaking) for him to visit me first (which is his hometown too, and the place where his parents live) and then I will go to visit him, because I DO want that. You see, we haven*t even met in person and I am so excited/ afraid to meet him and I just want this meeting to be happening on known ground (which is where I live). Can you understand??? Have you two met in person???? Who was the first to visit?

[MZVIRGO82]

I totally understand and if you feel better waiting that is understandable. We have been chatting off and on since 2011 and started chatting daily through Skype, phone and text late May early June. I will be the first to visit and I actually leave this evening! I'm scared, nervous and excited all at the same time! Our first visit was originally scheduled in four weeks, but he is visiting his family in Georgia last minute and asked if I wanted to come along. Luckily I had a free round trip ticket (I am a frequent flyer who travels often for work) and after mapping out exactly where We would be, booking my own hotel and rental car-I decided I would go!

I don't think there is nothing wrong with being cautious and taking your time to get to know him, especially when wanting to pursue a relationship vs a fling. For us communication has been key- I made it known from the beginning that I am in no way interested in a fling or hookup. If I wanted that, I could do that locally vs someone who is almost 1200 miles away lol.

Anywho I feel like I'm blabbing-I wish you much success with your relationship!

[alizee]

I totally understand and if you feel better waiting that is understandable. We have been chatting off and on since 2011 and started chatting daily through Skype, phone and text late May early June. I will be the first to visit and I actually leave this evening! I'm scared, nervous and excited all at the same time! Our first visit was originally scheduled in four weeks, but he is visiting his family in Georgia last minute and asked if I wanted to come along. Luckily I had a free round trip ticket (I am a frequent flyer who travels often for work) and after mapping out exactly where We would be, booking my own hotel and rental car-I decided I would go!

I don't think there is nothing wrong with being cautious and taking your time to get to know him, especially when wanting to pursue a relationship vs a fling. For us communication has been key- I made it known from the beginning that I am in no way interested in a fling or hookup. If I wanted that, I could do that locally vs someone who is almost 1200 miles away lol.

Anywho I feel like I'm blabbing-I wish you much success with your relationship!

I am so happy for you and I hope everything goes well between you two. Good luck also with your relationship!
But I am a little concerned about our communication, because I feel he*s a man that*s not a phone talker, does not send me messages on his own (very rarely!) but when I call him or text him, he always responds nicely and respectfully. He calls me every 2 -3 days if I don*t decide to call him in between. If he can*t answer the phone when I call him he always calls me back later on. Our conversations last for only 10-20 minutes, but I would want more from him than 10-20 min of his day. At the same time he says we have interesting conversations.I know he is a busy person, he often does extra hours at work and gets home very tired and then goes to the gym for one hour and a half because he says it relaxes him. In the evenings he watches TV (specially soccer) and then he falls asleep easily. On weekends he goes out with his friends and he always tells me what they intend to do and I tell him to have a good time. Our conversations I feel lack some deepness and that*s always because of him because he always seems on the go. Sometimes I feel like he calls me because HE HAS TO. Maybe it*s just me thinking like that, and that is why I keep telling myself that he*s a man and men are different from women who are all emotional. I feel like he*s a child - imature, independent and kind of foolish.
I MEAN THIS GUY IS SENDING ME MIXED SIGNALS and I don*t know what to think!!!! On one hand he is invinting me to come to visit him, tells me we have interesting conversations and tells me about his life - friends, family, his way of life AND on the other hand I feel like he*s forgetting about me for not texting me on his own(I mean one short message just to see that he thinks about me!!! - is that to much effort for him in his busy life???? it would take him 1 minute to write it!), and the phone calls are rare (1 phone at every 2-3 days, for only 10-15 minutes), but again if I call him and he can*t answer me at that moment, he sees the missed call and ALWAYS calls me back. I stopped sending him texts (just 5-10 texts/ week) and of course he DOESN*T send me texts on his own. Am I being paranoid here???? I need some opinions from you, because I feel this is driving me crazy! I mean I feel like that*s his way of being, but just seeing him acting like that I am just afraid to go to visit him, because maybe he won*t give me the attention that I deserve.

[MZVIRGO82]

Thank you for the well wishes! I would say if you feel like your not getting enough effort from him, make your expectations known. When my guy and I began talking he wasn't exactly the talkative type nor did he initiative conversations. I had to tell him that in order for this to work I would need daily chats as well as messages. He said he understood and we have talked daily if not multiple times a day since. We both work full time and have other activities but as I told him- people make time for what they want.

Try to talk to him and let him know what you want. If he is truly into you, he should want to give you whatever you require.