30+ Feeling too old for this whole thing....

[kittykatharine]

It has been a long time since my last post - and a great deal has happened since then. For starters, my partner and I moved to the same city in May of 2011. In June, our dreams came true and our long distance relationship ended and we were married. It was at this time we moved in together for the first time. We would spend the next two years in bliss - spending every moment we could with each other. This past spring, however, everything changed when we found out we would have to live in different cities... again. My husband is a medical resident - and you are contractually obligated to go where you "match". I on the other hand had accepted a position in our {used to be} current city - because we felt confident he would match here. We were wrong. We are now 5.5 hours apart and he only gets two days off a month (and they are not together and are in the middle of the week). So here I am, working a 9 to 5 job, Monday through Friday, meanwhile my husband is working long shifts every single day including every weekend. This does not allow me many opportunities to visit. When I do visit - he is so tired and typically passes out or will spend his free time sleeping. This is the nature of being a resident. Since his schedule is so horrendous, It is now feeling as if we are going to go months with out any opportunities to see each other. After being together everyday for the past two years - going back to the ldr lifestyle has been very very hard for me. I also feel like I am struggling with this whole thing since I am no longer in my mid-20s, etc. I feel like I should be living in a nice house, have a few kids, and eat dinner with my husband every night. Instead, I have roommates, live in a different city, and am back to living the undergrad lifestyle. To help ease the transition of this whole ldr, I made sure to surround myself with friends, hobbies, and activities I enjoy - however - nothing even comes close to the happiness I have when I am with him. I find myself thinking - how am I supposed to cope with all of these feelings of sadness, loneliness, and downright despair all year long? I know a year is not a very long time - but it seems like an eternity right now. Any help on how to deal with not being able to see or hear from your SO for extended periods of time would be greatly appreciated.

[WaitingInChicago]

I'm like you - I did long distance before, lived together for a while, and am now facing another length of time separated by distance. I also feel too old for this crap.

Having an end point is a really helpful thing. You are doing well to count down, just keep putting one foot in front of the other until then. Since he is working hard on his career, you could fill the hours by working hard on something for yourself - a new hobby, a new career, a new exercise routine. Good luck!!

[kittykatharine]

Thanks so much WaitingInChicago! Sometimes it can be very helpful just hearing from others in the same situation. I know this will be a long year - and I am just going to have to readjust to being away from him right now. It is so hard sometimes because I am ready to start my life with him and knowing I have another year like this is very discouraging. I did it before, however, and I know I can do it again. Hope you and your SO can be together soon!

[WaitingInChicago]

I hear you. We had been planning to move closer to my job, planning all sorts of things, all of which is on hold now. We'll just keep repeating to ourselves, "he is worth it, he is worth it..."

[PalmettoGirl]

I am almost 37. My sweet love and I just reunited after 14 years of moving on with our lives when we realized it wasn't going to work when we were 23. Still live super far apart, but now there is the internet and cell phones. This is my first post, just joined yesterday. Definitely realizing this is going to be much more work than I thought. I figured when I saw him it would be easier. NOPE got harder. We have six years in front of us. Related to having children we are not willing to relocate. So I am looking forward to that and at the same time dreading it because that means my last child graduates.

I like what the earlier poster said. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Repeat your mantra, and love him. I guess thats all we can do when we can't do anything else but love their souls.

Good luck.

[xanzbarr]

Just got off skype with my sweety.since he is trying to start a business he is broke and sharing an apt with a roomie who is sometimes a big PIA.Hes also been sick with the flu and now is slowly getting over it. We dont know when well be together. Ive known him for over 35 yrs and have dated him in the past so in a way he "feels" like a husband. We are very close. No trust issues. We dont even argue ,we just get along that well and tell each other everything. but it gets hard sometimes for both of us because we want to be together so badly. I feel for you having to be apart again after getting together after so long. I dont think once he comes here I could leave him again. I come here to the forum daily. It really helps to hear others thoughts and feelings, other than that I just put one foot in front of the other and feel fortunate to have him in my life. I dont know what I'd do without him He is a comfort to me even though we are apart, because i know I am on his mind as he is on mine. Hang on and know he loves you and the time will pass and you will be together again.

[Ahava]

We have six years in front of us. Related to having children we are not willing to relocate. So I am looking forward to that and at the same time dreading it because that means my last child graduates.

I like what the earlier poster said. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Repeat your mantra, and love him. I guess thats all we can do when we can't do anything else but love their souls.

Good luck.

I am so glad to find some one else on this forum who is in the same situation (=not able to relocate because both partners have kids).
We are looking at 6 to 12 years depending on factors. My youngest is just turning 6.

[differentcountries]

Medical resident, is that a kind of education program?
My SO and me will be long distance for at least a couple of years because he takes his education at a private school while working. He also postphoned military and have to take that, too. And if he relocates here he will have to learn the language...I cant afford to visit more than every 6-8 weeks, and when I visit he works long hours every day including weekends. I feel ready to share a house and have children, but I know I must be patient.

[BabyGund]

Medical resident, is that a kind of education program?

DifferentCountries, here in the US you have what they call a residency; it is a training program in a speciality of medicine.

I am so glad to find some one else on this forum who is in the same situation (=not able to relocate because both partners have kids).
We are looking at 6 to 12 years depending on factors. My youngest is just turning 6.

It's not the only factor, but it's one. My daughter is 8 and her father is very involved. I haven't even brought up the issue of relocation yet, because though we are very amicable, that may start a war. Especially since he would not be able to relocate himself to maintain the level of contact he enjoys and I don't want to ruin that for my daughter either. My SO and I currently have a 4 year plan and she'll be 13 then. So maybe things will be different.

[Ahava]

It's not the only factor, but it's one. My daughter is 8 and her father is very involved. I haven't even brought up the issue of relocation yet, because though we are very amicable, that may start a war. Especially since he would not be able to relocate himself to maintain the level of contact he enjoys and I don't want to ruin that for my daughter either. My SO and I currently have a 4 year plan and she'll be 13 then. So maybe things will be different.

I may already be in/just starting a war but for different reasons (just wanting what's best for the kids). We aren't on that amicable terms (his choice and behaviour), but he is involved with the kids and we share them 50/50.

Does your SO also have children?

[BabyGund]

Does your SO also have children?

His children are adults (25, 21) but still live at home