30+ First time meeting went great but ...I need your advice on this

[alizee]

So, yesterday I went to my first date with my LDR SO. Everything went great, but he is shorter than me. When we first saw each other I noticed he was confused I was taller than him and I was also feeling awkward about that, because this has never happened to me. So, our first time meeting took place with a little feeling of awkwardness (at least from my part, but I hope he didn*t notice it). Other than that we had beautiful conversation and time went off so fast. The weather was not so good though - it started to get cold and it rained a little. I am meeting him again today (I said to meet again and he agreed) and I really want to know what he thinks about this height difference (I am 173 cm and he around 168cm), which is obvious. I am thinking of ways to ask him what he feels without hurting him for being short.
I don*t want to be shallow and end the relationship over height, because I like him so much, but this confusion is killing me ... I know height does not matter, because it*s external, what matters is the soul of the person and the communication you have with that person. But I worry of what people might think when they will see us together... I worry they will laugh at us and make us feel uncomfortable.
I also don*t want to regret breaking up with him over this stupid thing - height!!! I also need to find out his opinion on this, because it takes two to form a relationship!


So, I need your advice - what would you do? would you date a shorter man???

[MadMolly]

I am only 5 feet tall so a shorter guy would be REALLY short. But I don't really see it as a problem. I'd totally marry Peter Dinklage if I could, lol!

One of my friends is 10cm shorter than his girlfriend and honestly it's not that noticeable (as an outsider). Maybe a tiny bit of "oh she is taller than him" but I haven't even thought about it beyond that sentence really. I don't see it being an issue at all unless you're not attracted to someone shorter than you! Besides, don't ever worry about what strangers think

[Lozz73]

Hi there, I am 171cm and my SO is 164cm so it is a noticeable difference and I was expecting it so did not get the surprise you did. My SO has no issue with it at all and has said it is something he is used to, I only felt self conscious about it for a moment but he is the man I love regardless of the height difference and the way he looks at me when we are out you can see how proud he is to be with me and his confidence and love made me realise I don't care what anyone else thinks because he makes me feel like the most beautiful woman alive and so happy to walk hand in hand with him anywhere.
Don't throw away the relationship without giving it a chance if you really have feelings for him....my mum always told me at Christmas the best things come in small packages and until now I didn't realise how true those words were.
I hope you have an amazing time and please message me if you like

[Sora1101]

I tend to only date guys that are significantly taller than I am, which isn't that hard because I'm 5'4" but I'd feel really awkward dating a guy that was shorter than me. There's just something so much more comforting and protective to me about a taller guy.

[maja]

I'm 6' tall so it's not all that easy finding guys that are taller than me and dateable for me. My ex was 6'4" which was great, but my SO is my height and my ex-ex was 2-3 inches shorter than me. It took me a long time to get over how tall I am, I always hated it and it resulted in terrible posture and thus back problems because I would always try and be shorter. But once I learned to accept it (not necessarily love it) it didn't seem to matter anymore. As long as it's not a really noticeable difference I just don't care. Unless we walk from mirror to mirror I hardly ever notice

[Safihre]

I was about 8cm shorter than my ex-girlfriend. At first, yes.. I had a problem with it a little. Especially since she couldn't wear heels since she would tower above me then.
But after a month or 2 I got over it. The feelings (and the sex ) were awesome, so who cares if your happy?
You say it's like 5cm, if it was 30cm or so I would worry.. 5cm is nothing.

Just go for it/him!!!!!

[MZVIRGO82]

Hi alizee, glad to hear your first date went well! I am actually 2-3 cm taller than my SO without heels and I LOVE heels so with them on I'm like 5+ cm taller! I can't say that I was too concerned by his height. I'm more concerned about the person he is and his character. He seems to be totally okay with it and even commented on the fact he loves when I do get all "dolled up" and put on my high heels

I hope you guys have a wonderful time seeing one another and a great second date/meeting!

[kayla_622]

Being only 5 foot tall dating someone shorter than me would be very awkward. I don't know if I could do that but, hey who knows. I've always only dated very tall guys.

[SJ22]

If the 2 of you don't don't mind the difference, you shouldnt even care what other people think.
Life is too short to worry about what all the other people think.

[alizee]

Thank you all for your good advice! We went the next day to another date (our second date!!!) and this time (strangely enough!!!) he didn*t seem so short (maybe it was from the shoes he wore, I don*t know) and we happen to run into my aunt (it was through her that we met) and she said he doesn*t look shorter than me and that was all in my head. I guess it may be all in my head because I stressed about this for a very long time!!! The date went great and those 4 hourswere the best 4 hours in my life for a very long time!!! We said goodbye, we hugged (both being shy) and I tried to kiss him on the mouth, but he went and kissed me on both of my cheeks and this was not because he didn*t like me, but because he was respectful and shy. At the end I asked him his opinion on our 2 dates and he said that ”they were ok, but short” (short because he had to leave the following day!). And now, there is another question born in my mind - if he liked our dates why didn*t he stay longer??? (he told me he had 2 weeks vacation from his work, but had to do some things at his house, because he lives on his own). I mean if I liked someone so much I would have made time for that person no matter how busy I was. Nothing would come first. But I know he didn*t lie, because I feel it and I talked to him on the phone after he got home and told me he will start his work the next day if the weather was fine. Other than this question from my mind, he gave me no reason (words, gestures) to believe that he didn*t like me. I mean, I am thinking that if he didn*t like me (or didn*t like the height difference, if any!) he must have said something, don*t you think? I just don*t believe he is letting me hope for something beautiful with him, when he doesn*t see this happening ... I am beginning to lose my mind again!!! This LDR is killing me ... the distance is so hard on me ...
What*s your opinion on this???

[MattDavies86]

I'm sorry but what? if you like him, you like him, the height isn't an issue, that's a barely difference in height anyway, and who cares what anyone else thinks?! If your happy that's it, end of story.

[AussiesPet]

As for the height thing, don't sweat it.. I am only 5'1½"(157cm) my SO is 6'2"(189cm).. Hard to find many men shorter than me! But that is an OBVIOUS difference. Add to that the rather large gap in ages. But it just doesn't matter.. I figure if someone is looking at us and doesn't like it well then they can just quit looking! Its none of their damn business!

As for him not saying something about the height thing or, if he really didn't like you, or him not clearing his schedule for you. Could it be you already answered that? I mean you said he is very shy and that was why he wouldn't kiss you on the mouth. Maybe it's the shyness coming out in other things too..

It's not everyday you get to meet someone you've "only been chattering" with.. No matter how deep the emotions go or how pleasurable they may be a first meeting, (or first couple meetings), can still be stressful. Everyone reacts to stress differently, especially if your shy to begin with. I think with a strong bond and communication it can be worked through though.. If you can't communicate bad feelings on one side can come from it and poison a relationship.. LDR or not you have to communicate! Sometimes it takes some finesse so as not to hurt the others feelings but without communication I don't see how any relationship can work..

AussiesPet

[alizee]

It*s still hard on this LDR thing ... it*s making me cry almost all the time ... and we had only 2 dates but I already miss him a lot. I mean I like him a lot and I really need him to know that, but without being too needy, desperate about it ...

[AussiesPet]

The first time I told my SO or tried to tell him just how much I loved and missed him, I was a little scared to also.. But was almost surprised when he expressed about the same as I was feeling. Sometimes the feelings need an outlet, they just HAVE to be let out.. Think a little and you'll find a way to say it.. You too may be surprised , never know until you try..

AussiesPet

[alizee]

Yes, it is possible for him to wait for me to say it. I really need to say that to him, but I am just thinking of a way to say it - more like a hint, or in a very clever way, not just plain ”I like you or I love you”. But sience he left my head is full with fears and I just start to cry mostly all the time. I miss him, but NOW I FEAR that HE didn*t like our height difference (as for me, with your helpful advice I am willing to let it pass by) and just does not know how to tell me that, because he*s an elegant man and maybe thinks that by saying nothing the relationship will die on its own. Also, before we saw eachother (during 4 months) he invited me to come to visit him 2 times, but I said no, telling him it was too early. NOW, I FEAR that he won*t invite me to come to visit him and I just don*t know when we will see each other. I KNOW THESE 2 fears are irrational and they are draining my energy away ... he was never the kind of man to send me sweet texts first thing in the morning or last thing in the evening or a man that I can talk with on the phone countless hours and I thought that by seeing each other physically he will change, but no, he acts the same. And there is also the fact that he didn*t stay longer, just 2 days ... I just don*t understant what*s going on in his mind !!!
But I am also thinking that it*s only 2 days sience he is home and he still has time to invite me to come and when we said goodbye and he kissed me on the cheeks he said he will call me when he will be home and he did. I also called him yesterday and the conversation was fine and he even told me that he will go to the movies that evening because he won a movie ticket (I guess the invitation was for 2 and I don*t think he went there with a woman, because he wouldn*t have told me anything about his evening program!!!). He sounded calm and friendly.
Am I going insane???? This LDR is just killing me ... I go from one fear and insecurity to another ... I never experienced that!!!!!