First time meeting went great but ...I need your advice on this

[Ejoriah]

I think you are waaaaay overthinking/overanalyzing. I mean you've been talking to this man since May? It's not like you've just met and this is just your second date, you've been talking for a while so you already have a connection. Just ask him! "I really enjoy spending time with you, and I hope to see you soon and spend more time with you." There, you've been honest and his response will tell you more than all the guessing in the world.

[princessmaria]

I wholeheartedly agree with Ejoriah. You may make an issue out of nothing by over analyzing the situation, and there is almost nothing worse than confirming your fears by being the one to create them, if you understand what I mean. Just tell him how you're feeling. As for the height differences, I really don't see why that should be a big deal? Since you guys met online I'm assuming, I doubt you fell in like or in love with his physical appearance in the first place. Despite what some people say, it can change the dynamics of a relationship to not feel any attraction towards that person whatsoever, but it doesn't seem like that's the case with you. Stop stressing yourself out, enjoy the fact that you two have finally met and anticipate more meetings in the future!

[alizee]

Thank you Ejoriah and Princessmaria for all your good advice. It is very possible that I am overanalysing/ overthinking things. That*s why I really need all the rational opinions on this. I know I AM CRAZY and this has never happened to me before. I mean if we were close distance I could at least see him once or twice a week and understand things better from his body language and his words. But I only saw him for 2 days and now that I am thinking I can*t even imagine him in my mind!!! But we are long distance and it*s difficult to talk important things over the phone.
As I said, I keep asking myself why did he stay only 2 days???? I mean we had a connection for 4 months before meeting face to face and he has/ must feel something for me ... wasn*t this just as important to him as it was for me???? He told me he has to do some things at his house because he lives alone and I do understand that, because having a house and taking care of it and paying all the bills is a huge responsability, but he has 2 weeks vacation ... why couldn*t he have stayed 2-3 days more??? I knew I would if I was him, because love is important!!! I am thinking now - will I ever see him again???? it*s been almost 4 days since he*s home and he hasn*t said anything about me coming to visit him in the future. Maybe he still has time to ask me to visit him ... what if this height thing is a deal breaker for him, but he is being too nice to tell me???? I AM GOING INSANE AGAIN , I KNOW!!!!

And how can I tell him "I really enjoy spending time with you, and I hope to see you soon and spend more time with you", without looking like I am inviting myself over there and without sounding bold and with nerve???? As I wrote above, I asked him his opinion on our 2 dates (the first was fine, but the second was great!!!) and he said - "they were ok, but short!!!" (and I really think that was his opinion, he wasn*t just being nice I guess!) He said short, because he had to leave the following day! I told him that I liked too our dates. I mean can*t he read my acts???? Can*t he see the facts that - I enjoy speaking with him on the phone, I enjoyed our 2 dates, I keep calling him everyday to hear his voice and know about him - all these things mean nothing to him??? Can*t he see that I LIKE HIM AND THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE HIM AGAIN??? Why do men have to be like this ??? Can*t they understand the facts???
This man is making is driving me insane with his actions and the distance just increases this. From the beginning of our relationship he was very calm, sometimes present/ sometimes not present (sometimes bored) in the relationship, not very proactive (because he always followed the trend that I gave to the relationship) and it seems like he is hard to impress BUT he always kept his word (in our online dates or always called when he said he would).

[Ejoriah]

You can't assume he can read you or your actions. I mean, you obviously can't read his, so unless you very clearly communicate with him he may not know what's going through your mind either. And what's wrong with being bold and telling him your feelings? I don't think you're inviting yourself over, you're letting him know you'd like to see him again. Then the ball would be in his court to make it happen.

Men aren't mind readers. They can't all "see" hints and such (my boyfriend is TERRIBLE with hints, I always have to ask face on) but that just means you need to learn to communicate in a straightforward way and no game playing. For all he knows, since you haven't said anything about the dates being short he thinks you don't want to see him for an extended period of time and he is just as confused.

Also, I noticed that you said you "thought he would change" and I'm sorry to be blunt, but you can't expect him to change. You know his relationship style so, the way I see it, you need to accept that the way you've known him to act is the way he is, and that you may try a more direct communication style with him.

[alizee]

You can't assume he can read you or your actions. I mean, you obviously can't read his, so unless you very clearly communicate with him he may not know what's going through your mind either. And what's wrong with being bold and telling him your feelings? I don't think you're inviting yourself over, you're letting him know you'd like to see him again. Then the ball would be in his court to make it happen.

Men aren't mind readers. They can't all "see" hints and such (my boyfriend is TERRIBLE with hints, I always have to ask face on) but that just means you need to learn to communicate in a straightforward way and no game playing. For all he knows, since you haven't said anything about the dates being short he thinks you don't want to see him for an extended period of time and he is just as confused.

Also, I noticed that you said you "thought he would change" and I'm sorry to be blunt, but you can't expect him to change. You know his relationship style so, the way I see it, you need to accept that the way you've known him to act is the way he is, and that you may try a more direct communication style with him.

I am also thinking he*s doing the best he can in this relationship, but I find it so strange!!!!
From the beginning of our relationship he was so "mild" and I had to push/ to put my foot down in order to obtain some things - I asked for his phone number, I suggested we should do voice calls not only texts (and for the 95% of the texts, I was the one who initiated them and he always replied) and a few days ago, with our dates - I WAS THE ONE WHO suggested the second date, because he was so "out of this planet" (maybe from the height difference, which the second day didn*t seem to exist!!! maybe it was from the shoes he wore!!!) and so, I said it and he was ok with it! Why must I always be the one who pushes him??? Why can*t he be more determined/ present in our relationship??? I guess that*s his pattern in love relationships ... and maybe you*re right and he will not change!

[Ejoriah]

Maybe he thinks your pattern is to be the one making all the decisions and so he is letting you. I'm sorry I can't give you the answers for why he isn't determined or anything... Unfortunately every man is different. You need to figure out if you could be in a relationship with someone who is "mild" as you put it. I can tell you that my boyfriend will never understand hints. I would say "flowers would look lovely on our table" and "I haven't been given flowers in a long time" and "roses are my favorite flowers but I also love a mixed bouquet" and all he'd do is nod. Turns out it was going completely over his head that I would like to be given flowers! I finally asked him what his views on flowers were and he said he didn't see the point of giving me something that would die within a few days - that if flowers symbolized our love, he didn't see the point of giving me something that would die, because he doesn't want our love to die. I could never have figured that out about him by just speculating and wondering. I had to actually talk to him.

One thing I DO know for sure though is that you should never stay in a relationship with someone expecting they will change.

[Kiyama]

The way I see it is that you have a lot of unresolved insecurity issues you need to work on.
If you start acting on your fears, you might drive him away eventually.
My suggestion is to start talking to him about stuff e.g. about whether he is ok with the height difference instead of secretly driving yourself crazy over it.
Have you talked to him about his passiveness? If you want him to take more of the initiative, you need to bring it up because no one can read minds but I also think like you're over analyse it. You've had two dates only, what do you expect him to do? Lean back and take a deep breath. Learn to relax and to talk (!). It'll be ok

[alizee]

The way I see it is that you have a lot of unresolved insecurity issues you need to work on.
If you start acting on your fears, you might drive him away eventually.
My suggestion is to start talking to him about stuff e.g. about whether he is ok with the height difference instead of secretly driving yourself crazy over it.
Have you talked to him about his passiveness? If you want him to take more of the initiative, you need to bring it up because no one can read minds but I also think like you're over analyse it. You've had two dates only, what do you expect him to do? Lean back and take a deep breath. Learn to relax and to talk (!). It'll be ok

You are right! I am sure I am overanalysing things, but there are moments when I can*t control my mind and this is due to the distance ... this is my first LDR and not seeing him, not seeing his body language to get the whole picture is stressing me ...
As for the height difference (if any!) I am willing to let it go and to give it a try but I don*t know what he thinks ... how can I ask him without hurting him for being a short man?

[snow]

There's different kind of men! He might just be someone who doesn't want to push any boundries and lets you decide when it's okay to go the next step, not by asking, but by just letting you take the initiative! He might aswell be very shy and needs guidance! You seem like a strong woman and he might just need that!

About the date and only seeing you for 2 days: Who knows what's going on in his life, there might be something really important going on that he just can't postpone. I don't think asking him for another date is out of line. You're dating for 4 months so while you have the chance you should try to see each other as much as possible.

I think you should drop the height difference for now and wait until you're a little more comfortable with each other and then bring it up and ask if it bothered him that you're taller than him!
I remember my man and I had a talk about sweaty hands and other stuff we were insecure about a couple days after I first met him and we laughed about how insecure we were and how it doesn't matter at all anymore!!

Good luck to you two!

[alizee]

There's different kind of men! He might just be someone who doesn't want to push any boundries and lets you decide when it's okay to go the next step, not by asking, but by just letting you take the initiative! He might aswell be very shy and needs guidance! You seem like a strong woman and he might just need that!

About the date and only seeing you for 2 days: Who knows what's going on in his life, there might be something really important going on that he just can't postpone. I don't think asking him for another date is out of line. You're dating for 4 months so while you have the chance you should try to see each other as much as possible.

I think you should drop the height difference for now and wait until you're a little more comfortable with each other and then bring it up and ask if it bothered him that you're taller than him!
I remember my man and I had a talk about sweaty hands and other stuff we were insecure about a couple days after I first met him and we laughed about how insecure we were and how it doesn't matter at all anymore!!

Good luck to you two!

About the fact that he only stayed 2 days - I talked to him last night and he was so worried about the house work, because he will not going to be able to finish it in his vacation due to the rainy weather!!! So, yes he had/ has some work to do!!!!

But how about not telling anything about a future face to face meeting??? Setting a date at least???? I mean that is how relationships evolve, by the two people involved seeing themselves face to face... but maybe he is too stressed with the house work and thinks only at that now ...

[snow]

I knew there must have been something really important going on, I'm glad you got an answer for that

I think he might just be busy right now and can't tell when he'll be done. It might be on you to suggest new face to face meetings and he'll probably choose those dates that he won't be busy working on the house!

[alizee]

I knew there must have been something really important going on, I'm glad you got an answer for that

I think he might just be busy right now and can't tell when he'll be done. It might be on you to suggest new face to face meetings and he'll probably choose those dates that he won't be busy working on the house!

I am not sure what to think about the next face to face meeting ... I hinted about a next meeting last evening on the phone and he said something like this ”we*ll talk about what we will do in the future” and sounded sleepy, tired and worried about not being able to finish the house work, it*s like he*s got other things on his mind, not to think at another face to face with me ...Am I not important to him??? Didn*t he like me??? I mean if I was him, he would be the first thing on my mind ... it*s true that I HINTED and maybe he didn*t get the message, or what he said had a different meaning in his mind...

[alizee]

Hi there forum friends! I have a question for you - how long after the first face to face meeting with SO did you set the next real meeting in person?????
it*s been over 3 weeks since our first meeting ...
I am still stressing myself with this, because my boyfriend says nothing about meeting again. Not even setting a date, so I can be hopeful about it and start my countdown. He did invite me 2 times to come to see him, before we met but now, after our first date he says nothing. (that*s true, he did ask me out of the blue and soon, like he asked me on a Wednesday to come Friday!!!). Mind you, he still calls me, I call him and whenever he can*t answer, he sees the missing call and calls me right back. So, the comunication is still the same as it was before we met. He looks calm, friendly on the phone. He is confusing me a lot ....
What does he want from me???? to be just friends???? I don*t see his motives on this, because he has a lot of friends over there and why would he want a woman friend in a city to where he comes once/ year the most???? and men mostly want men friends to drink beer together, watch soccer, etc ...

And he never hinted or said anything to me about not liking me or about the height difference (if any!!!). Even though he is a respectful and considerate person, I think that he should have said something to me if he didn*t like me .... I mean if a man doesn*t like a woman wouldn*t he tell that to the woman for not getting her hopes high???? he said nothing of that kind ....

[Anoulie]

I am still stressing myself with this, because my boyfriend says nothing about meeting again.

You know, you could say something about meeting again yourself. There's no law against it.

[alizee]

You know, you could say something about meeting again yourself. There's no law against it.

I know, but I wouldn*t want him to think I am pushy and that I am inviting myself over there, because there is no chance of him coming again to my city. Not soon anyway!!!!