30+ Feeling Sad and Overwhelmed - help

[SaraM2261]

It's been almost 9 months.
The start was a bunch of denial and trying to not get this involved. Then in May we both decided that enough was enough and we were in love and to hell with everything else. I visit him (fly from MN to CA) every 6-8 weeks.
So it's been 6+ weeks and I will not be able to see him for another 4+.

I feel lucky that i get to see him, and actually this time he is most likely going to stay in MN for a few+ months.
But today I am just losing it.

I am sick of being lonely. I am sick of going to stuff without him. I am sick of experiencing things that I really want to be doing with him by myself. I am totally 100% sick of it!

I don't want to tell him, so I need a place to vent. I love him. I feel that we are soul mates. It will be and totally is worth it.
I just can't deal lately.

I feel angry about it.

We talk on the phone at least 2 times per day, normally more. We share our lives as much as we can. We play playstation games together, we read books and watch shows together. But I am totally sick of it.

I will wait for him and stay with this as long as it takes because he is so amazing and we are so good together.
Today/this week just sucks.

Confession: So my birthday is coming up at the end of Sept. and I would love to have him home to celebrate it with me. I am planning an outing with friends to the renaissance fair here. He will be coming here in mid October, when the fair for this year is over, and I really wanted him to come to it with me. So here's what gave me a tummy ache today: He's in LA and there is this Princess Bride event going on the same day as the day I want to get friends/family to go to the renaissance here.

So... I will be thinking of him and wanting him to be there with me all day. I will have fun, but every fun thing will be colored with the wanting to share it with him and not being able to. And then to also know that Princess Bride thing is going on in LA (he probably won't end up going, and if he did I would want him to have a great time and dress up and take pics for me to see etc... )makes it even harder because I would rather be there with him.

Why do we have all these things that we want to do and fun things for couples and we don't get to do any of them together!!!!!!????

I am just ranting and venting.

Someone slap my face and shake me tell me to get a grip. I am sitting here overwhelmed and crying. If feel like an idiot.

[Moon]

I understand how you feel, I only get to see my guy about three times a year, and never have him here to do fun things with. When I feel bad about it, I just remind myself of how much better my life is with him in it, regardless of the 4200+ miles between us. I'd rather have him there, than not at all. It's hard, but it's what I chose, and I have to be at peace with that.

I'd love to celebrate my birthday with him, or hit up our Ren Faire, or just take him to the beach. I figure I'll eventually get to do those things, and I just need to be patient. Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon, you're definitely not alone in how you feel.

[emsimes]

You're definitely not alone! I live in LA as well (my guy is in Germany), and it makes me so sad when there are fun events going on and I know he can't be there with me
But like Moon said, despite how hard the distance can be, we just have to remind ourselves that our lives are so much better with our SOs in it!
Keep your chin up and know that we are here if you need to rant

[Violet]

Don't be so sad. Time will make you to forget this event

I lose my internet friend who was my soul mate and it makes me sad also. We should not have the high hopes for people because they sometimes betray us.

[Hollandia]

I understand how you feel. My biggest problem is the longer we are apart the more it becomes an "accepted " part of our lives. In the first few weeks he tells me constantly how much he misses me , to the point we both get tired of it. A month later, it is more like , I love you baby, but this is how it is. A month more later, he is completely delved back into his solitude and I am miserable in mine. Another month goes by and we have both grown tired of skyping and having nothing interesting to say. It almost hurts to see him on the cam so we revert into IMs only for the most part. At this point, I can do nothing but try to sleep as much as possible when not working, with family or on skype with him. Fast forward to picking him up at airport tomorrow after 3.5 months and I can only say I feel numb.

The payoff for all of us comes when we are together. THIS is why we go through that pain. Some day we will be together all of our days and look back on these days and be grateful for how this time apart made us even stronger. That is what I tell myself and how I made it through the last months without him.

[differentcountries]

Of course seeing each other is the best. Still, living only for that is a kind of relationship depression. Try to pull yourself out of that hole. Make something fun out of waiting time. Make a count down, or gifts for your so, or talk about past events or fantasies for the future. Reach out to each other in the pain, say that it is hard. Ask each other curious questions, get a book if you run out of things to say. Be detailed about what you miss - that can turn into closeness and the feeling that you are really there.

[xanzbarr]

I agree with Moon . My life is so much better with him in it, that if this is what I have to do so be it. We laugh and joke, tell each other what bugs us about our everyday lives, talk about the future when we can hold hands or even sit on the couch together and watch TV. I had no one to be that close to before he came back into my life with his declarations of feelings for me from the past. He tells me he was never so happy as he was when I was with him and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. So that "ain't" so bad. yes it gets lonely but I think about him thinking of me and it helps knowing he wishes he was here. Hang in there, you'll have better days!