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    #1

    30+ Confused Traveler

    Hi,
    Brand new here. I just found your site and hope for some advice. I joined an internet dating site 3/13 and pretty soon after starting chatting with another member. We kept chatting and finally exchanged phone numbers, then email, etc. After two months we started speaking on phone EVERY day then we progressed to video calls each day. I decided I needed to meet him in person and took a five day trip...we really hit it off...there was some cuddling but no full intimacy. I am home almost a month now. We still video each day.
    He said he wanted to visit me and we planned for same..now he's cancelled his trip. He says we are a couple...he asked me to help with his travel expense and I can not do that. I paid for my trip 100% I never even thought of asking him for money.
    This would be my first ever relationship, he is divorced/no kids. I am sad and unsure of how to proceed...
    Should I cut him loose?
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    #2
    I'm really sorry LDR visits HAVE to be fair, and if you paid for the first visit, he should be man enough to pay for his, unless there are extenuating circumstances. I don't know if this means you have to cut him loose yet, but I'd proceed with a lot of caution. A lot of caution. If you are around the same age, he should be a little more secure at this point, and his asking for money is definitely a red flag. Just be really careful with this, OK?
    Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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      #3
      I wouldn't say break up with him, but definitely do not help him out financially. Your relationship is still very new, and you have only met once. It's really alarming that he would ask for money now. And he's basically blackmailing you about it, since he cancelled his trip and told you he wouldn't come unless you'd pay.
      I thought of you and the years and all the sadness fell away from me - Pink Floyd

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        #4
        I appreciate your replies. I will wait and see what happens..right now he is acting like we did not have this talk about travel.
        Actually I am not sure if he ever wanted a long distance relationship - I will have to discuss it with him.
        Confusion sums up my thoughts at the moment. Hearing from other members helps me a lot. Thank you.

        Comment

          #5
          Originally posted by Elizabeth123 View Post
          I appreciate your replies. I will wait and see what happens..right now he is acting like we did not have this talk about travel.
          Actually I am not sure if he ever wanted a long distance relationship - I will have to discuss it with him.
          Confusion sums up my thoughts at the moment. Hearing from other members helps me a lot. Thank you.
          I think keeping talking to him about it is the best plan.

          Comment

            #6
            Should I just be blunt and have a finance discussion with him?
            I would be willing to help him budget and learn about saving.

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by Elizabeth123 View Post
              Should I just be blunt and have a finance discussion with him?
              I would be willing to help him budget and learn about saving.
              I don't know, I think it depends on how long you've been in the relationship and how serious it is. If you've been together a month, no, it's not really your business. If it's been a year, then definitely, by all means, have the talk. I would at least have the visit talk again, and make your expectations very clear, you deserve that. How far away are you from each other? There are plenty of alternate means of travel we could help you with, and better advice, if we knew more.
              Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

              Comment

                #8
                I wouldnt just have a financial discussion with him, but also a discussion about the relationship in general.
                You said you are not sure if he ever wanted a long distance relationship. I think it needs to be clear first, then you will know where to stand. After this is clear, other topics related to the relationship can be discussed.
                You don't want surprises... and I am not talking about the nice ones Hehe.
                Good luck

                Comment

                  #9
                  Talk to him to find out exactly what he wants from you as far as a relationship is concerned. As far as money goes, I personally wouldn't pay for anything. That would be his responsibility. I would let the relationship develop more and have a few more trips before I paid for anything. Just my opinion....

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Hi and Thanks for the replies.
                    We are talking and I am not paying for any trips on his side.
                    Yes, he was not prepared to be in a Ldr and we are discussing what that means to us both.
                    We have been "serious" for about two months..it's new to us both. My very first and he is divorced.
                    Feeling more positive now we are talking about this...

                    Comment

                      #11
                      you dont need to rush things. The realtionship is new. yes, it is nice to be together, but spend some time getting to know each other without the added stress of spending money on trips.
                      If he wants to visit you, he will figure out how to put the money aside, or you can discuss saving when the time comes. Getting into this stuff too early in the relationship can be bad as he may feel you are lecturing him about finances.
                      everything happens for a reason. We may never find out what that reason is/was, but there is a reason.

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                        #12
                        Yes, we are going slow. We talk everyday even if it's just a few minutes. This is so amazing that we have found on another.
                        The best part is we agree that we are friends first.
                        The other day he started to refer to us as a couple...I double checked that I heard him correctly...hahaha
                        When I have a bad day he listens and makes me feel better...if something good happens he remembers to call and share it with me

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                          #13
                          The only reason for just one person to travel or to cover expenses must be that the other person is not well off. My SO is never one to ask for anything but he just cannot afford to travel etc.tso I cover most expenses. He does what he can. We have open disussions about money. I know how much he earns. We both work together to cut costs and make the most out of money. There should be a shared effort. If both persons earn the same or anyhow should be able to afford to travel, expenses should be shared equally.
                          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                          Comment

                            #14
                            We are still figuring out our travel needs. He is planning to come here around Christmas time.
                            I remain hopeful but am scared...my first real BF, first everything...lol
                            I will be meeting his parents over Skype soon...this should be interesting...

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