30+ How will it end - 30+ and in love with somebody far far away...

[Cato]

Hi everybody,

I'm my thirties, already suffer a little with the 30+ dilemma, what do I want to do with my life, and now, it all becomes even less clear...

Reason: long distance love...
I've met a man on a conference, 6 months ago and since then we kept contact and saw each other again.
And he's amazing, he's cute, he's my type of man, I'm in love, but he lives far far away...

And instead of seeing everything as an adventure and a big chance - as I did before in an earlier LDR - I only see problems...
Because we're both in our thirties, we've got both hard jobs with a lot of hours, we've got both ambitions.
And we both have a lot of maybe's... Maybe I want a child, or not. Maybe I want to marry, or not. Maybe I want to move, or not.
The heart says yes, but the brains are questioning everything... How and where to combine our lifes?!?

Any advice? And hopefully success stories?

Cato

[alizee]

Hi Cato! I know it*s hard but you must truly think what do you want in this stage of your life. I am 33 yo and if I felt that my relationship is what my heart is searching for I would just leave everything and go to be with him. In my LDR we are still young (only 6 months), but so far so good. Things start to shape as I would like them to be!!!! So, but that*s just me, I THINK IF I DON*T HAVE LOVE IN MY LIFE THEN I DON*T HAVE ANYTHING. What I mean is I couldn*t focus only on career if my soul would be empty and I would feel lonely. I need to have love in my life in order to have inner peace and balance. That, to me is the force to push you to move mountains.

You are the only one who can decide what*s best for you, but please listen to your heart and to your gut, because love comes from above and it*s not everyday you meet a man with whom you have such a great bond.

And, we, in Romania, have an old saying - God gives you, but doesn*t put it into your bag!!! What it means is that God gives you what you are longing for, but is up to you to take it!!!! And this is free will!!!!

[Rachelm920]

And, we, in Romania, have an old saying - God gives you, but doesn*t put it into your bag!!! What it means is that God gives you what you are longing for, but is up to you to take it!!!! And this is free will!!!!

Alizee, I just want to say I LOVE this quote!

Cato,
I can't share a success story with you because I too am just starting in on the LDR road myself, and my SO and I are also in our 30s and have had our share of heartbreaks within those years. So I have all these worries too. Worries that if I move 400+ miles away and things don't work out then what? I already have 2 children and struggle, so if I go with my SO, we have a child and things don't work out EEK! Here in the states 50% of marriages end in divorce. After some thought today and talking with a friend, she gave me the advice... "take it one day at a time". She's right. So I have to take it one day at a time. Although I absolutely ADORE my SO and wish I could spend every waking moment with him, I have to realize that we need to take it slow and see what develops. 6 months seems like a long time but in the perspective of things it really isn't. I've seen how much a year can change a person's life, my own life... being where I was a year ago today, I'd never thought I'd be in love with anyone let alone being reunited with my SO.

So my advice to you is much like my friend said to me. Take it one day at a time. See what continues to develop. If you find yourself falling deeper and deeper in love, then take the jump. That's what I am planning to do. I don't want to move and leave everything just because I am lonely and don't want to be alone.

[alizee]

I absolutely ADORE my SO and wish I could spend every waking moment with him, I have to realize that we need to take it slow and see what develops. 6 months seems like a long time but in the perspective of things it really isn't. I've seen how much a year can change a person's life, my own life... being where I was a year ago today, I'd never thought I'd be in love with anyone let alone being reunited with my SO.

So my advice to you is much like my friend said to me. Take it one day at a time. See what continues to develop. If you find yourself falling deeper and deeper in love, then take the jump. That's what I am planning to do. I don't want to move and leave everything just because I am lonely and don't want to be alone.

That*s a good advice for me too. Though I know it, I find it hard to apply it most times. My SO moves very very slow and he is mostly a passive/ considerate man, but I see from the little things he does that he cares about me, but sometimes I get mad at him for not being more present. Of course, I never said anything to him ... but is just that in our 6 months relationship, we only saw each other for only 2 days (( but I guess I am luckier then many couples here on the forum who spent even years without seeing each other!!!! I kind of started to get used to his way of being and I started to think that I should take things slowly and that God knows better than me when things happen and with what speed.

[80anthea]

You're only 31, people make life changing decisions much later in life so don't worry about your age being a factor. Take things as they come and see where it goes and most of all enjoy whatever comes at you.

[Cato]

I know it*s hard but you must truly think what do you want in this stage of your life.

I know, and that's what I'm struggling with... It's not that easy anymore, like you were 20...
It would have been much easier, if he just would be living in the Netherlands, or at least in Europe. But that's not the case... And it's been a long time ago that I felt something like this for a man. He makes me smile, he makes me happy, but at the same time unhappy - since we're not together... And next time we'll see each other will be months away...

[Cato]

You're only 31, people make life changing decisions much later in life so don't worry about your age being a factor. Take things as they come and see where it goes and most of all enjoy whatever comes at you.

I know, 31 is not that old... But can you tell me how you see your future with him? You have more or less the same distance... Europe vs USA... Don't you think about how to combine everything?

[80anthea]

I know, 31 is not that old... But can you tell me how you see your future with him? You have more or less the same distance... Europe vs USA... Don't you think about how to combine everything?

If everything goes to plan with visas and all he'll move here in the next couple of years, it's something we spoke about very early on. I have no idea if we'll live happily ever after as I don't believe in crystal balls and having been in a disastrous relationship I no longer believe that really wanting something to happen will make it work out. All we can do is keep talking about plans, go with what is the best decision for us and enjoy it. Have you spoken to him about it?

[Cato]

I've met him on a big international conference...
For both of us, work is quite important, we both got great jobs with lots of opportunities...
But we also want a life together...

He's not a native American, he's from Norway. The other site of Europe, but from Europe...
When I first met him, he was seeing his stay in America as a big adventure for some years and eventually wanted to come back to Europe. But right now, he's happy there with a challenging position, so the chance of him coming back to Europe is smaller. And the chance of me going there if I really want it to work become larger...
And in some way that kind of scares me... Europe is Europe, I speak Norwegian, that would be easier than leaving everything behind and just go...

[alizee]

I know, and that's what I'm struggling with... It's not that easy anymore, like you were 20...
It would have been much easier, if he just would be living in the Netherlands, or at least in Europe. But that's not the case... And it's been a long time ago that I felt something like this for a man. He makes me smile, he makes me happy, but at the same time unhappy - since we're not together... And next time we'll see each other will be months away...

I think you answered yourself, when you say - that it has been long since you felt something like this for a man. As, I said, not everyday we get the chance to meet the man we like!!! We don*t know if we will ever get it in our life, because we are over 30. I am not saying this is a bad age, but we*re not teens anymore.
And I also think one can find love anywhere on this planet (no matter the distance, age, color of skin, money, etc). It is a gift from above!!!! We just have to take it and work for it, because nobody says it*s gonna be easy ... and true love never is, because it must be built with trust, patience, sacrifice, understanding, etc.

[Cato]

I think you answered yourself, when you say - that it has been long since you felt something like this for a man. As, I said, not everyday we get the chance to meet the man we like!!! We don*t know if we will ever get it in our life, because we are over 30. I am not saying this is a bad age, but we*re not teens anymore.
And I also think one can find love anywhere on this planet (no matter the distance, age, color of skin, money, etc). It is a gift from above!!!! We just have to take it and work for it, because nobody says it*s gonna be easy ... and true love never is, because it must be built with trust, patience, sacrifice, understanding, etc.

You're right... And I'm in a bad mood... Just miss him very much... And he's not in a place where he really can contact me...

[Ahava]

And, we, in Romania, have an old saying - God gives you, but doesn*t put it into your bag!!! What it means is that God gives you what you are longing for, but is up to you to take it!!!! And this is free will!!!!

I also liked this saying

[dglynn77]

But right now, he's happy there with a challenging position, so the chance of him coming back to Europe is smaller. And the chance of me going there if I really want it to work become larger...
And in some way that kind of scares me... Europe is Europe, I speak Norwegian, that would be easier than leaving everything behind and just go...

All relationships require compromise, and sometimes you have to give to make something work. It is up to you to decide how much you can give for this relationship. Your relationship will never grow though without compromise. You have to decide what is the most important to you. The best things in life are NOT easy.

[Cato]

All relationships require compromise, and sometimes you have to give to make something work. It is up to you to decide how much you can give for this relationship. Your relationship will never grow though without compromise. You have to decide what is the most important to you. The best things in life are NOT easy.

Very wise words... I guess I'm just a little bit shocked. I thought he would come back to Europe, and it has changed... Next time we'll see each other in real life we will talk again about it... For me it's much harder to find a job there than for him here in Europe...

[alizee]

You're right... And I'm in a bad mood... Just miss him very much... And he's not in a place where he really can contact me...

I miss my boyfriend too, so that makes two of us ... plus he is such a passive/ considerate/ shy man due to past experiences... but I know is so hard!!!! Most times I feel so lonely and I become so jelous of people who are close distance ....