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    #1

    30+ New here and very depressed

    So I just got back Monday night from visiting my SO in Wisconsin and it was such an amazing time.

    Coming back home, to reality, has been terrible for me. I'm having the most difficult time. I cry constantly and can't manage to get myself out of the rut that I am stuck in. I haven't been out of my pjs, taken a shower or eaten a decent meal since I got home. Today is the first time I've gotten up to try and get anything accomplished, but it's so hard.

    My SO told me yesterday that I need to stop the crying - every time I talk to him, I'm in tears. I need help….
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    #2
    Im sorry that you are having such a hard time!
    Try to distract yourself as much as possible. Read a book or something like that. Something to take your mind off things!
    Im sure he understands that you feel so sad, but for him its hard to see you like this. I know my boyfriend hates it when i cry, because he is not there to hold me. He just has to sit and watch me being sad, its making him sad too.

    Try to pick up your normal, daily life again, it will get easier then
    Good luck, and stay strong!
    With you or with no one.

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      #3
      Hi, welcome to the forum I think everybody here will tell you that the first week after a visit is the hardest. You need to get yourself out of it though, because a week of no shower or good food or going out is a bad sign. You need food, you need exercise, you need to go out and meet people. Do you have any friends that you can call to meet up, for a meal or a beer? Do you like to go for walks, or to the gym? What is your hobby?
      Also, your relationship is very new still for you to be so down. I would talk to a professional if you can't get yourself out of the rut soon.

      Comment

        #4
        I've made a doctor appointment for Wednesday already, so we'll see how that goes….

        I need to cheer up for both him & I…...

        Comment

          #5
          It is good that you will see a doctor. Your relationship is still fresh and sometimes it hurts more when you don't have settled yet. Also, I wonder have you set a date for the next visit? I had a really hard time first time I returned home from a visit, but it got better when I managed to set an estimate or even book the next flight. Please try to eat something. Not eating will only make you worse, because to heal you need the energ that food gives you. Guys will often tell people to stop crying, I thing what they MEAN is that they would wish for you to be happy. That IS a nice thought... And perhaps you can get there once you get used to the "rythm" of the visits.
          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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            #6
            I think once I do book my next trip to see if, that I'll feel better. Hopefully I'll be able to do in within the next month…….

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              #7
              Been there, done that...

              I'm sorry you are so sad, but it's perfectly normal. It does get better, but it takes time. It is definitely a good idea to start planning for the next trip. It makes me feel better to do projects for my SO, too. I made a video for him not long ago which helped me a lot. While I was busy making it, my mind was occupied. Also, I have the video to look at every now again to cheer me (it's a video of pictures of us and our trip together). He really liked the video, too.

              He may have told you to stop crying, because he wants to fix it and he can't. It may really bother him that he can't change things now. Make sure he understands that you realize he can't change it, but you still miss him and feel sad. With my SO, if I have a problem that I only want to vent about, I'll tell him to start off. I let him know I don't want him to fix it, only to listen. My SO says he hurts when I tell him how much I miss him, because he wants to close the distance but can't now.

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by LovinMyWIGuy View Post
                I've made a doctor appointment for Wednesday already, so we'll see how that goes….

                I need to cheer up for both him & I…...
                That's good when I was really depressed (not SO-related) I had a technique I called "three-things". Every day I would try to do three good, constructive or useful things and then at the end of the day I would write them down. It could be as small as doing the dishes, eating something nice, reading a book, doing the laundry or going for a walk. It gave me a motivation and it made me feel a little better at the end of each day. I don't know if it would work for you ... but good luck!

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