How many LDRs have you had?

[x_Katy_x]

I am on LDR relationship #6 although two of them were more brief dating experiences. I realise this seems a *lot* but when I live in a small population area, am an introvert who finds it hard to meet like minded people, then it isn't so bad, I guess. I don't set out to date long distance, there just isn't like minded guys in my own area that are single ...

#1 A brief dating experience with a guy elsewhere in the UK who I met a couple of times.

Lesson learnt: If someone only sees you as AN opportunity, rather than THE opportunity then it won't work as over distance, two people have to be into each other more so than many who date locally and develop interest over time.

#2 Guy in Australia I got a visa for to go and stay with, which I did for four months.

Lesson learnt: Don't date selfish people who quibble over having to help you over issues or changes in you/your life created due to the sacrifice you made in being the person to "close the distance". For instance, them seeing you as lesser for not having a job fast enough in their area, new friends or whining at having to help you in anything in the settling in process. Sometimes being the one to re locate can create situations where you change as a result of what you had to go through. If a person won't make the move for you or cannot, don't let them judge you in your sacrifice for them.

#3 A LDR relationship where I re located in the UK and spent a few years, over time leading to a companionship, rather than a relationship.

Lesson learnt: Be wary of a partner who is not willing to close the distance too. Whilst one person has to do it, both need to show willing. Also, be wary of creating a new life (job and friends you enjoy etc) in a new area as those can make you feel trapped in something that otherwise isn't working as you were the one to make the move.

#4 Off and on relationship with a guy also in Europe who could not make up his mind about me for the long term. Neither of us re located.

Lesson learnt: Don't be the runner in a relationship, stop chasing. If it's right and they are keen, they will come to you.

#5 Brief couple of dates with a LDR guy in the UK.

Lesson learnt: If someone is banging on about loving their ex still and telling me after a meet up that he's worried there is little chemistry, then he means it, regardless of being a decent person and trying to make it work. It just won't work, especially over distance.

#6 My current one is in the USA and we will see what happens ..................

[Petals]

[QUOTE=x_Katy_x;354059]I am on LDR relationship #6 although two of them were more brief dating experiences. I realise this seems a *lot* but when I live in a small population area, am an introvert who finds it hard to meet like minded people, then it isn't so bad, I guess. I don't set out to date long distance, there just isn't like minded guys in my own area that are single ...

Hi Katy, thanks for sharing

No judgement from me...Based on geographical location and interests, I understand the situation that saw you being involved in as many LDRs. What's important is that you have taken the lessons but have not allowed the experiences to turn you into a cynic.

All the best with this relationship

[Lucky]

I think very few people go hunting for LDR...I am not one of them lol.

I am one of the few lol, well, kinda. It didn't start that way and I wouldn't have considered a man who was not willing to close the distance and spend some time together before marriage.

#1 was my first relationship ever (my first kiss actually), neither of us were looking for it, we only met in person twice, he turned out to be married and was glad we didn't take it further.
+Lesson: words can be twisted enough to not have to lie about something and to top it off you will hear what you want to hear.

#2 my one and only fling, we spent 10 days together on vacation, we were both single and it was a friends with platonic-benefits sort of thing (no sex) he, without even trying managed to heal my broken heart.
+Lesson: sweet memories come from unexpected places.

#3 I was supposed to spend 3 days and ended up staying 3 months. I knew it wasn't going to work but was stubborn and kept thinking I was just not used to spending so much time with a man, we slept together and things changed for the worse...
+Lesson: Apparently there are jerks out there that will become abusive and expect you to stick around just because he was your first, Ha! trust your instincts even if you are not experienced in relationships.

#4 we only spent 5 days together and while I loved his emails, in person my first impression was the chemistry might not be there, how wrong I was, fell hard for this guy. I ended up with a broken heart and ashamed of myself because I unknowingly slept with a married man.
+Lesson: Divorces take time, until the paperwork is done they are still married and can get back together.

#5 my husband ❤ we spent 3 weeks together on vacation.
+Lesson: timing is important so in that way you need to get lucky, distance can make or break a relationship. We spent 3 months apart, it was enough for him to realize we were meant for each other so he quit his job and moved to my country. I was worried rushing things would work against us but it didn't. He has been in about as many LDR as I have, he had a couple of normal ones too though.

PS. Katy, I am glad to see I am not the only one who has had several, I too live in a small town and I am not the party type!

[Petals]

I am one of the few lol, well, kinda. It didn't start that way and I wouldn't have considered a man who was not willing to close the distance and spend some time together before marriage.

#5 my husband ❤ we spent 3 weeks together on vacation.
+Lesson: timing is important so in that way you need to get lucky, distance can make or break a relationship. We spent 3 months apart, it was enough for him to realize we were meant for each other so he quit his job and moved to my country. I was worried rushing things would work against us but it didn't. He has been in about as many LDR as I have, he had a couple of normal ones too though.

Hi Lucky!

You do seem to have lucked out in finding the ONE after so many attempts at LDRs. Closing the distance quickly can be a big mistake, so I am happy it has worked out for you.

Thank you for sharing

[garnet]

Ugh. I don't like this question lol.

1.) As a teenager, my future husband and I met IRL, but he had to move away for his senior year of high school. He came back and we married right away. 11 years later I divorced that violent SOB.
2.) After my divorce, I met a guy playing World of Warcraft. We met, had a couple visits, closed the distance, had a baby, he's disabled, we are SO OVER. Been over really since my pregnancy.
3.) After that I met someone else playing WoW. We lasted a bit over a year. He was a verbally abusive a-hole.
4.) Last one? PLEASE BE THE LAST ONE? Also met him on WoW. /facepalm 8 years ago. We were good friends for 8 years before he came down to meet me. Sparks flew, we made it official and HE is an amazing man. He's so wonderful with my son, he treats me like I've only dreamt of being treated, he's just such a good guy in every way. <3

[Petals]

Ugh. I don't like this question lol.


4.) Last one? PLEASE BE THE LAST ONE? Also met him on WoW. /facepalm 8 years ago. We were good friends for 8 years before he came down to meet me. Sparks flew, we made it official and HE is an amazing man. He's so wonderful with my son, he treats me like I've only dreamt of being treated, he's just such a good guy in every way. <3

Hi Garnet,
Hoping for you that this LDR will result in happy ever after . We all want the same thing - a mutually fulfilling relationship! Never stop trying until you find it!

[alji1320]

mmh ... my first one was around 500km away, in same country: germany.
the second one was: germany > austria 800 km. and for a little time of 6 months he lived in the u.s.a.

that my little LDR experience. now it's going to be big with the ocean between

[Sanja]

I am in my second LDR. I was in one before I met my fiancée for about six months but it obviously didn't work out. I have been with my SO for almost 14 months now and it's the best relationship I ever had. Thankfully, we will close the distance next month and get married, so it will no longer be LD, yay!

[Hollandia]

This is only one.

[farandaway]

we were in LDR with ex before we got married. I don't even remember exactly how long, about 3 years. In the beginning I was in the US and he was in the Caribbean and then I was in England, Austria and Germany and he was sailing. This was long before internet or even mobile phones so it was a lot different, waiting for the letters and very rare expensive phone calls.

[TampaLove]

#1: 1996, I was a junior in high school, and he was a senior when we started dating. Dated for 9 months, he graduated and joined the Navy, and off to boot camp he went. 6 months later, I went to visit him and we got engaged. I saw him 2 or 3 times more in the next year and a half. We ended up breaking it off because there were cute guys at my college and FI was nowhere near ready to get married and was passive aggressively being a dick about anything to do with an adult future with me. Total time together: 2 years, 9 months. Total time LD: 2 years.

#2: 2011, I was turning 33 in a couple of months. Met on Craigslist because I had this idea in my head that I wanted to move to Texas even though I'd never been there before. We got hot and heavy fast, talked on the phone every night for hours, and I booked a flight to visit him for my birthday weekend 2 months later. We talked marriage and me moving there within weeks of our first conversation. Spent a great weekend together, then 2 weeks later, he suddenly dropped off the face of the earth and wouldn't answer my calls or texts. A month later, he called me out of the blue, we worked things out. I got approved for a job transfer to a city 2 hours from him, and literally the night I got approved for the transfer and booked my airline ticket for 2 weeks later, he wouldn't answer the phone or texts for me. He was gone, again. I cancelled the job transfer and ticket, and gave up on him and everything about moving. 7 months later, I finally heard from him a few times, and then he disappeared again. Total time from first email to the time I gave up on him and the job: 5 months. Total time spent together in person: 2 days. Total time he fucked with my head and made me miserable: 1 year.

#3: This one. Decided I wanted to move to Tampa last year, started making plans for that to happen. 3 months ago, posted on POF that I was looking for friends before I moved. He responded to my profile, and we've talked in one way or another (talk, text, video, skype) every day since 4/16, on and off all day. First meeting is in 36 hours!! Eeek!!

[snow]

I had 3.
#1 was at 14 with an 18yo who just wanted sex, since he was a virgin. Broke up with me, when I didn't give him any when he visited me.

#2 was a 4 year relationship that I thought would end in marriage. I wasn't happy after 1 year, but in my family "you don't just break up, you make it work", so I tried for 3 additional years. I figured it was the distance that made me so unhappy, so he moved in with me in our 4th year and after 7 months of living together we broke up. At the end, about 3-4 months, we didn't even sleep in the same bed anymore, nor did we exchange any intimacies.

#3 is with my fiance. I met him while I was still with #2 and I felt a deep connection with him, though I turned him down a couple times, because I really thought I was going to marry #2. Now we have been together for 2 years and some odd months, are engaged and working on a visa to get me there permanently. This one is much stronger than any I ever had

[Fretboard_Magic]

I'm in my third one, not counting an unofficial "thing" that I experienced a couple years ago. Honestly, my current relationship is even better than my past non-LDR relationship from 14 years ago that lasted two and a half years. My girl and I are going to go far. \m/

[Liiru]

I'm in my third one, not counting an unofficial "thing" that I experienced a couple years ago. Honestly, my current relationship is even better than my past non-LDR relationship from 14 years ago that lasted two and a half years. My girl and I are going to go far. \m/

That's sweet I know how it feels like.
My LDR is my first one, and the best one as well. I believe I will go far with him, too

[lilspitfire]

I'm in my 3rd. The first two were awful. This is his first. I didn't want an LDR, but I fell and fell hard for him. He started off as my friend and I could tell him anything. I didn't know that he had feelings for me until I mentioned something and he got mad and said that he knew that I'd never be interested in him. The thing is, I was interested in him. I didn't know he was interested in me. Or that he would even consider an LDR. Lucky for me, he did.