30+ Here we go again.

[Layla312]

So last year, I was attempting to work out an LDR relationship with someone I met online. My divorce took an ugly turn and that person kind of flaked out on me so that was that and my attention was immediately redirected to my son, my daughters and myself. For the past year I have been single and completely uninterested in anyone or anything other than my children and picking up the pieces. Then this May...for some bizarre reason...I decided to see if I could find my first love on Facebook. I'd tried many times through the years and he was never on there (or at least had high privacy settings). All of a sudden, on his birthday, I find his Facebook page. My heart skipped a beat. I mean this guy was THE ONE but we were both very young and stupid. We basically let a good relationship die because of fear and uncertainty on both our parts.

Anyway...so there he was. I sent a direct message but apparently, when you aren't "friends", the person doesn't always get the message. So I send a friend request one night and the very next morning he accepted. We started to chat and he immediately gave me his phone number so we could text. After a few days, I realized that he has to still have some kind of interest in me. Not only was he bugging me about getting together but he remembered things that shocked me. We were only together for a year. I was 19. He was 22. My son was 2 at the time and it freaked him out a little bit and I also got ridiculously clingy towards the end. Anyway, so he remembers all these crazy details about me AND my entire family and just keeps saying he's never forgotten me and never will. Sends me some pics...asks for pics of me...shows genuine interest. He lives in NY. I live in PA. So the distance is relatively small, in my opinion.

He's currently a school principal and I know he's EXTREMELY busy, especially now at year's end. I have two friends who are Assistant Principals and they can barely breath this time of year. But since he kept hinting he wanted to see me, I decided to make a date with him. Initially it was going to be July 12th because I've gotten quite chunky and I wanted to lose some weight first. He agreed to the date but then said he truly wished it could be sooner. So my best friend tells me to switch plans I had with her on June 28th and go meet up with him. Here's when things got weird. And keep in mind that right now all we've done is text.

I tell him I'm available sooner and I want to know if he is. No response. Four days later, apologizes for not responding and says he's been crazy with school events. How am I? But doesn't address my question about the 28th. Okay, so by the time I saw this text, I knew he was sleeping. So I wait until the next morning, which was a Saturday. Text him that I'm good and was hoping to move up our meeting date to June 28th. Another five days goes by. No response. So I flat out text him, "Still wanna see me?" He immediately texts back that he absolutely does. So I say, "OK...June 28th". He tells me he has to check his calendar at work and will let me know tomorrow. This was on Wednesday night. I'm still awaiting a response.

It's driving me absolutely crazy because I know he's busy but it only takes a few minutes to friggin' let me know if you are available! And he acts like he's interested whenever I do text. He conversates, asks questions, reminds me of tons of things and is always sweet. So what the hell???? Thanks to Facebook, I know he's in Atlantic City, NJ at a bachelor's party since yesterday. Ok...busy at school Thursday and Friday, ran out of school to meet up with his buddies...hanging out with them now...yeah...probably won't hear from him. But it's just frustrating. I'm not trying to be stalkerish. I can function without him. To me this is just plain common courtesy. I'd feel this way if I was trying to make plans with a friend or family member and they didn't answer me.

So what do you guys think? He shows interest and teases me to meet up with him sooner but then when I make a move, silence. What gives here?

[Hollandia]

Don't chase him. Change your plans back to seeing your friends and leave the ball in his court for when you will meet up in future. He is most likely actively dating and does not wish to commit to seeing you on that date. Accept that, if he wanted to, he would not be ignoring you for days. You have no time difference and so no excuse not to take 3 minutes to make a text. I have been busier than poop and still found 3 minutes to text someone.

I am not saying this won't turn into something but this is not a good sign by him leaving you hanging and quite frankly pretty rude considering you have to make arrangements in advance to do so. I would suggest watching the movie or better yet reading the book, " He is Just Not That Into You". I think that you should keep your options open and go on about your life. If he wants to be a part of it, then let him show it. This time around, he blew it. Go spend it with those you know want to see you at that time. You deserve better.

[differentcountries]

If he is as busy as you say with work, as well as with his friends.. Well, I have found it difficult to have an overview when things are that hectic. Just play it cool. Say, since you have not heard you assume the original plan is still on, or no plan is on if that feels more appropriate. Show real concern he is busy, if you truely think he is. Of course it could be a "he is not that into you "situation, but dont assume either way. Just show a healty concern for your own time. I thought SO was being flaky as shit, but he needed help to plan outside of work, which he has always taken on whim. I don't know if that is your SO 's case though. Just pointing out that you speak with two minds when you point to that he probably cant breathe from work stress and at the same time you expect him to be organized and thoughtful... Being kind but clear can go a long way. Hope for you to get some clairity.

[Hollandia]

I disagree.

He is not just busy at work. He is at a bachelor party with his buddies. There is no excuse to not confirm the plans if she has to make arrangements to do them. It only takes a few minutes to make a text. People that are considerate of other's feeling make the time when they say they will. He also told her he had to check his calendar and would get back to her and then never did. I do not think he ever confirmed the trip so she should not assume it is still on at all. This is why I told her not to sit around and wait, and most likely pay extra, because she has to book her plans at last minute. This is also not the first time he did not text when she contacted him for days. That was Wednesday night, so he did not contact her on Thursday like he said, or Friday or all day today. I would give him till no later than Monday and then go see my friends instead. Myself, I would have a problem being ignored after being told he would text her next day. He is not putting her first over any other obligations and that is not a good way to start a relationship.

This is either just rude, a head game, or a message. If you can't make a simple text when you promise to then you are inconsiderate. I hate the excuse people make about being so busy that they can't follow common courtesy. It is an excuse more and more people use to be rude. This is 2014, lives are hectic for us all. You still make time for things that are important to you, and that is the issue. His communication to her is not high enough priority for him to do it. Last time I checked phones still work in AC. Nobody is asking for him to make some long phone call to her while at the party but a one sentence text during his guys weekend is not something that she should not expect when he told her days earlier he would get back to her about the trip and then never did.

Too busy with work, too busy with his buddies party, what else will he be too busy with that he can't show he actually cares about her at all and make a text? What is she, chopped liver? Even if he does like her and still wants to see her, he is very clearly showing that he is not THAT into her. He might be a bit but not enough to take the time to text her back when he says he will. I guess the main question she should ask herself is this, If you were in reverse roles and super busy with work and friends and told him you would text him back about your calendar so that he could make plans to see you after changing plans with his friends, would you not text him back, and if you did not, would you think that was okay?

I also find it a bit weird you are in same time zone and yet you have only spoken via text? I would not be even thinking about going to see someone in person that can't even speak to me on the phone one time. I think this is all a bit rushed. I would go see my friends this time, give yourselves time to reconnect on the phone or Skype and then go see him later. School ends soon so he should get much less busy in a few weeks.