30+ SO Has a Seriously Ill Child

[Katherine]

I found out a week ago that one of my SO's children is very ill. I also learned that she had surgery on Tuesday and is doing well. Whatever the illness is it caused him to get a second opinion before any surgery was done. So because the surgery happened within a week from him telling me about the situation I know it has to be serious. His birthday was last week as well and I sent him a card and a wrote him a letter. In the letter I let him know that I am here for him and want to be there over the July 4th holiday. I just want to be there for him. He doesn't have to entertain me or anything. I just want to be there for those times when he comes home. I can make meals, clean up around the house and just be there for him.

We have gone from texting everyday and calling each other to me rarely hearing from him. I will text him but I don't often get a response. I know if I call he won't answer the call. When things like this happen he tends to withdraw from everyone. He keeps me at a distance and keeps everything to himself. I don't know what to do or what to say. I definitely don't want to say the wrong thing. I want him to know I am here for him. I tell him all the time that I love him and am here for him. I am doing my best to not take how he is acting personally but it does hurt because I love him so much and want to be there for him. It's during times like this that the long distance sucks.

I am just wondering if it is a good idea to make the trip to his house next weekend to be there for him. I am not sure if his daughter or grandson will be staying with him. His other two kids do not know about me and if his ex-wife found out I was in town she might make that an issue that he doesn't need to be dealing with. So even though I want to be there for him, will my being there cause more problems and would he really even want me to be there?

I really need some advice here. I love him so much...

[differentcountries]

I think you should ask him what he wants. Probably, it is best to stay away since his kids does not know you and his ex wife might see you as interfering. Tell him you want to show you care, and that you want him to tell you how you might best show that.

[whatruckus]

I think you should ask him what he wants. Probably, it is best to stay away since his kids does not know you and his ex wife might see you as interfering. Tell him you want to show you care, and that you want him to tell you how you might best show that.

I agree. It sucks because I know how much you want to be with him, as we all would feel in the same situation. But, you also don't want to cause any more stress on him by showing up and having his kids be like, "Who are you?!!!!" Nor, do you want his ex-wife to stir up some drama. Ask him. Either text him or call him and leave a voicemail, he's bound to check those. Tell him if he doesn't give you an answer in X amount days, that you'll know his answer is 'No'.

I'm sorry you and your SO have to go through this.

[Katherine]

I have pretty much decided not to go out there for July 4th. I am hoping that I will hear from him soon. In the meantime I will just stay in the background and hope that I will hear from him one day soon. I have reached out a lot and have not received a reply. I just think he is dealing with a lot and will get back with me when he's ready. I just have to stay strong and trust that he is ok and continues to know I love him. I just don't want to be a nag nor add to his stress. Thanks for your replies.