Well I shall try to express myself as best as possible. I have some questions, but mostly just want to share with any feedback you want to give. Please and thank you.
I'm 30. He is 33. We are adults with a past and a fair share of baggage. When we first started talking it was the usual 'finding new friends online that are far away'. This is the only online friend I have ever had that has turned into something more. On top of that....it happened fast and I fell hard! As did he, falling for me. AAANNDD on top of that.....this is my first long distance relationship ever.
He chased me. I held back, but came around and there are other intimate details I cannot share. Our conversations are deep and amazing. We both agreed that we felt as if we had known each other, so to speak, and the energetic reactions being produced by someone that we had never met in person were and still are truly intense and phenomenal. We have agreed on so much. Such as, the fact that we want to wait before we meet because we both still have things in our lives that we need to deal with and have been honest about what they are with each other. He is eloquent and says the distance is good because he does not want me to 'drown' as I'm kind of delicate right now and he says he 'loves falling in love with me'. We agree about how we feel about each other and how amazing we think we are to each other. We agree that we want to maintain individual lives and independence and not dive head first... it is a safer more adult thing to do.
He has wooed me and swept me off my feet in a way that no other person on this planet ever has!!! To put it lightly....
We have both professed our love for each other.
Now, here are some of the negatives and/or just plain old new territory for me:
1) we have sexted 3 times so far. Oh yeah.......the whole shebang!!! This is a first for me, which I informed him of and he was very sweet and respectful about it to me.
2) we have more in common than I could possibly tally and I surely don't know everything yet lol! He thinks I'm AMAZING! I think he is my prince charming that I can hardly believe exists. (thank you heavens!!!)
3) he has Chron's disease, which is something that like sort of brought us together amongst other things. He says he needs me and has hoped to for someone like me and I am quote "his Star". I have helped him in ways that are far too private to explain. Though, I'm sure he has his own insecurities as I do, I cannot quite get a read on them because we still have never met in person yet and as positive as I am, in the back of my head I ask myself if he is an amazing charming game that is just toying with my heart that keeps me at a distance...I have been burned by men before. (stop it head! listen to your heart!...such is the inner battle) I'm fearful of saying or doing anything wrong. Thus far, I haven't, that I know of. I have since met and spoken to many friends and acquaintances and even strangers who have known and loved someone with Chron's and I have learned so much. He has shared very intimate things with me and I have with him. I don't know everything though, nor do I push.
4) He is one of the most empathetic sensitive men I have ever known and his 'too good to be true' qualities freak me out! I feel very paranoid about and burned by men. Even the decent ones. This long distance thing is so very new to me. Never have I ever wanted to try so hard to keep a man before!!! Never have I ever felt this kind of love for anyone before!!! IT FREAKS ME OUT! MY HEART IS CONSTANTLY ON FIRE EVERYDAY AND MY MIND CANNOT COMPREHEND IT ALL...
5) he works hard at his job and I am currently going through some life transitions. Security is nice.....we used to talk or at least touch base everyday. He would share, as would I. Last we spoke, he was in the hospital with a severe migraine and possibly more. Two days later, I asked him how he was as well as sent a love letter message. He said he couldn't talk because he was in the hospital for tests and stuff. I of course respect him and he said he would "tell me more soon when he could". I has been ten days since I last heard from him. I'm scared. What if something is really wrong? What if he doesn't want to tell me? What if he is just pushing me away? I have practically nothing to go on and I am scared. Do I send a message? and if so, what do I say and how long do I wait.....especially since I already told him that I would wait. I don't want to be pushy or do something wrong, but my heart hurts so much. I'm actually a patient person, but it's not about that. I'm just plain scared....of a possible broken heart or him being in pain. Am I being negative? Is this typical passion that comes with love or is it a conditional side effect of long distance relationships? By the way, we have only known each other for three months, so I wonder if we have been too open too fast with each other, but then who cares really because we both just laid all our cards on the table. He is the best whirlwind I have ever experienced in my life! <3
I'm so very afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing. That's how intense I feel. I need him and want him and this is all so overwhelming.
I'm 30. He is 33. We are adults with a past and a fair share of baggage. When we first started talking it was the usual 'finding new friends online that are far away'. This is the only online friend I have ever had that has turned into something more. On top of that....it happened fast and I fell hard! As did he, falling for me. AAANNDD on top of that.....this is my first long distance relationship ever.
He chased me. I held back, but came around and there are other intimate details I cannot share. Our conversations are deep and amazing. We both agreed that we felt as if we had known each other, so to speak, and the energetic reactions being produced by someone that we had never met in person were and still are truly intense and phenomenal. We have agreed on so much. Such as, the fact that we want to wait before we meet because we both still have things in our lives that we need to deal with and have been honest about what they are with each other. He is eloquent and says the distance is good because he does not want me to 'drown' as I'm kind of delicate right now and he says he 'loves falling in love with me'. We agree about how we feel about each other and how amazing we think we are to each other. We agree that we want to maintain individual lives and independence and not dive head first... it is a safer more adult thing to do.
He has wooed me and swept me off my feet in a way that no other person on this planet ever has!!! To put it lightly....
We have both professed our love for each other.
Now, here are some of the negatives and/or just plain old new territory for me:
1) we have sexted 3 times so far. Oh yeah.......the whole shebang!!! This is a first for me, which I informed him of and he was very sweet and respectful about it to me.
2) we have more in common than I could possibly tally and I surely don't know everything yet lol! He thinks I'm AMAZING! I think he is my prince charming that I can hardly believe exists. (thank you heavens!!!)
3) he has Chron's disease, which is something that like sort of brought us together amongst other things. He says he needs me and has hoped to for someone like me and I am quote "his Star". I have helped him in ways that are far too private to explain. Though, I'm sure he has his own insecurities as I do, I cannot quite get a read on them because we still have never met in person yet and as positive as I am, in the back of my head I ask myself if he is an amazing charming game that is just toying with my heart that keeps me at a distance...I have been burned by men before. (stop it head! listen to your heart!...such is the inner battle) I'm fearful of saying or doing anything wrong. Thus far, I haven't, that I know of. I have since met and spoken to many friends and acquaintances and even strangers who have known and loved someone with Chron's and I have learned so much. He has shared very intimate things with me and I have with him. I don't know everything though, nor do I push.
4) He is one of the most empathetic sensitive men I have ever known and his 'too good to be true' qualities freak me out! I feel very paranoid about and burned by men. Even the decent ones. This long distance thing is so very new to me. Never have I ever wanted to try so hard to keep a man before!!! Never have I ever felt this kind of love for anyone before!!! IT FREAKS ME OUT! MY HEART IS CONSTANTLY ON FIRE EVERYDAY AND MY MIND CANNOT COMPREHEND IT ALL...
5) he works hard at his job and I am currently going through some life transitions. Security is nice.....we used to talk or at least touch base everyday. He would share, as would I. Last we spoke, he was in the hospital with a severe migraine and possibly more. Two days later, I asked him how he was as well as sent a love letter message. He said he couldn't talk because he was in the hospital for tests and stuff. I of course respect him and he said he would "tell me more soon when he could". I has been ten days since I last heard from him. I'm scared. What if something is really wrong? What if he doesn't want to tell me? What if he is just pushing me away? I have practically nothing to go on and I am scared. Do I send a message? and if so, what do I say and how long do I wait.....especially since I already told him that I would wait. I don't want to be pushy or do something wrong, but my heart hurts so much. I'm actually a patient person, but it's not about that. I'm just plain scared....of a possible broken heart or him being in pain. Am I being negative? Is this typical passion that comes with love or is it a conditional side effect of long distance relationships? By the way, we have only known each other for three months, so I wonder if we have been too open too fast with each other, but then who cares really because we both just laid all our cards on the table. He is the best whirlwind I have ever experienced in my life! <3
I'm so very afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing. That's how intense I feel. I need him and want him and this is all so overwhelming.
it's okay. We all go through what you're feeling from time to time.
You're so sweet. Thank you. I want to hug you. I'm very aware of what my emotions are doing to me and my head. I guess I am looking for reassurance and this is certainly a safe place to express myself. Once again, thank you. I do agree with the 'meant to be' concept. 
Much love to you <3
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