30+ Waiting is so frustrating...

[Unicorn26]

Ugh. Just so fed up at the moment!!!

My SO and I are both 41 and have been close friends for 3 years but have been seriously committed for a year now. We have yet to meet. We planned for him to visit last year when we were kind of still messing about, not that serious about each other but he got very seriously ill and almost died. It was after that I really knew how much he meant to me and what my true feelings were and vice versa. It's taken 18 months for him to recover and even now he's still not quite 100%.

I'm just so frustrated that we can't just jump on a plane and be with each other. Being our age it's just not that easy to meet up. He has financial difficulties since his illness, he lost his home and now lives with his mother. He's recently started a job but it's not that well paid. He says it's difficult for him at the moment because he's living with family and not paying any rent because he can't afford to and he said it would look really bad if he just took off across the Atlantic to see an English girl he met on the internet. I understand that. He's working more shifts and doing all he can to save money.

I am separated, I have 2 kids and 2 jobs. I can't start divorce proceedings for another 9 months so I simply cannot go and see him first. It would give my ex very good ammunition to argue that I am in unfit parent. My ex has no idea that I am in LDR. Until we actually meet I'm not prepared to announce our relationship to my ex. He knows me and my SO are very close friends tho.

I guess I'm just fed up today. I wish we had a date I could focus on but for now it's all so up in the air. It's definitely going to be in 2015, it's just so hard not knowing. Being a little older I know how short life is. I don't want to waste another minute. I hate the distance. I hate that he's not here or I'm not there. It's so frustrating. I just wish so much I could just lay on the sofa with him and watch movies...

I know he loves me to death, I know he's not going anywhere, I know he will wait for us. I'm just so impatient. It sucks that so many things are stopping us being together right now. I get so envious of those with no baggage who can just fly to see their SO whenever they want. I wish so much we had met years ago....

Sorry, just really needed to vent that to people who understand!!!

[80anthea]

Hi Unicorn,

I can relate to so much of what you have written. I'm from the UK, in my mid-thirties and am separated with one kid and my SO is in the states too! Thankfully we've actually met a few times but haven't seen each other since January 2014 due to illnesses, job changes and money, we're hoping to meet up again in early 2015 and look to close the distance as soon as possible. I too am incredibly impatient and don't cope with waiting well! Feel free to vent to me on here / PM.

[differentcountries]

I am sure his mum wants her son to be happy. Perhaps when he starts to earn a little more, he can at least pay some rent and then take some time off (he doesn't have to tell where he is going), if you and he can split the cost of his ticket. Maybe you could work out an enstimate for when that might be possible, and start a countdown? It sucks to not have a date. I see SO a lot now, but it has not always been this way, I know how it hurts to not have a date to focus on. In my experience, it helps having something to do with your hands, prefferably for your SO. Waiting and feeling impatient is why Is started to make SO books, letter collections and so on. It soothed me to do it, and he says they are the best thing I gave him.

[Unicorn26]

Thank you so much 80anthea. It's good know I'm not alone!

I'm not playing light of the younger ones on here, it's just being older you appreciate things a whole lot more. Both me and my SO have never been in this situation before. We both used to laugh at people who met on the internet and thought it was stupid. Now we are the ones head over heels without ever meeting and neither of us really get it. We just know it's totally real, the bond and freaky connection we have we can't explain. We've waited so long, it's really hard sometimes.

Oh well. Hopefully will be talking to him later on FT audio. Hearing his voice telling me he loves me always calms me and makes me feel better.

[Unicorn26]

His mum is kind of goofy, it's like he's the grown up in that relationship ha! He helps in other ways, he maintains her house, does all her gardening and repaired and maintained her pool all summer. He also fills her car with gas, cooks, does all the housework, walks her dogs etc... He more than makes up for not paying any rent. I've spoken to his mum on FaceTime before, she knows all about me and is cool with it. She knows how happy we've made each other.

I discussed splitting the cost with him, I have plenty of savings but he's not keen. He said he'd rather pay his own way but I'm trying to persuade him otherwise!

It's just hard to tie a date down. I know I would feel so much better once we have. I'm the sort of person that needs goals I can see.

[barb757]

yes it is frustrating. my so and i have planned to be together so many times and every time something has happened. he's 65 and i'm 58. i feel everyday away from each other is a day wasted. it's very hard when you see no end in sight. like your so i live with my elderly parents because i'm disabled and don't have much money. jumping on a plane and being together is out of the question. we are going to be together one day soon. just very frustrating not knowing when. i do feel your pain

[Petals]

((Hugs))

I feel for you and the others who just can't be together anytime soon. I'm very impatient so I understand how hard it is to wait. I had to wait 1 yr after meeting my SO to file for divorce. My SO understood and didn't doubt my intentions which made it easier. When I filed four months ago I was so nervous that my ex would make things difficult which would drag out the process; thus delaying the progress of my relationship. It all worked out well and on Monday my divorce was granted! My SO and I are relieved that we can now get engaged and close the distance next summer.


I'm like you...I need to see a end goal in order to be patient. Can you meet him somewhere in the middle -a different country maybe? You could both split expenses so then he wouldn't feel like you were paying his way.

[TaraMarie]

I completely understand....my SO is 41, I am 50. I also get the "wasting time" feeling. When you get older you start to feel your own mortality. I was in a similar situation. Three kids, waiting on a divorce. We are fortunate. He is from my hometown, so I've had the opportunity to go see him. And now that the divorce is done, my ex husband knows the situation and my SO is now able to come here. We get to be together nearly every weekend now. It's still super expensive, but worth every penny we spend. We are now engaged and he is officially moving here after the holidays. Although in our case his job is still in ny, so he will be here on weekends, and living with his mom during the week for work because he's arranged for his house to be rented out. I am blessed he is making so many sacrifices for us to be together until his transfer happens. Hang in there. I know how hard it is. It's taken us nearly three years to get to this point. I don't want to waste one. Knute more away from him. But it is one minute closer to the time we can be together forever!

[Unicorn26]

It's not really possible it meet halfway as it's just the Atlantic Ocean between us lol!

It will happen. I just really need a firm date, it's just the way my mind works. Once I have that I know I will feel sooooo much better! I will be a pain going on about it all the time lol!

[p_b82]

Iceland is half way

but in seriousness, knowing a date is easier as you do have something to look forward to rather than just 'the future' hang in there!