30+ Is This One Sided or Pratical

[Guevanak81]

So my boyfriend and i have met up 3 times already since we've been together and all 3 times, i was the one who visited him. The odds are more in my favor to go and see him because i get to travel for free, also i have lots of job flexibility where as he does not. We both have children ( he has 2, i have 1). He sees his on the weekends, mine lives with me and goes to his father on the weekends. So we sacrifice our time with our children in order to spend time with each other, but such is the price of love. We both decided that we would close the distance next yr by April when he relocates to my town and that involves him leaving his job, his home, his family, and his children who will continue living with their mother. So i figure that since he's going to be the one moving here and since i can travel for free whenever i want, i might as well be the one to visit him since it makes more sense. Now he was supposed to visit me about 2 months ago but plans fell through at no fault of his whatsoever. And after that situation, he promised that he would come and visit me in December. But now the month is almost over, so clearly that ain't happening because he had to work. So now after that, i have started to become a little resentful of the fact that he has never come to visit me and i have started feeling like this is a little one sided (which it obviously is). I do enjoy visiting him and i wonder if my feelings are valid or not and whether or not i should approach him about it. I try to keep in mind the fact that eventually we're going to be together permenantly and that he will eventually be away from his children all the time to be with me so my sacrifice right now to see him all the time will even out when he moves down, but i wonder if i should still be letting him come to visit me at least once before he moves down in order to feel like he's making some kind of effort. And i wonder if i should hold him accountable at all for the visit he promised he would make this month (even though he couldn't help the fact that he had to work). Am i really doing all the work in this situation or is there an exception in this situation? What do you think?

[differentcountries]

If you can travel for free, that is a big reason for you do do the majority of travels.

however, if you plan for him to move to you, he should come to be able to get to know the area, you and especially your kids before he makes he next big step.

What kind of work does he have? Is he not entitled to vacation time?

[Guevanak81]

I'm thinking he should make at least one trip also to check out the area, look for places and meet my son. He hasn't been at his current job long enough yet to get pto.

[Ahava]

The thing that bothers me the most here is him leaving his kids to move to you. How can he do that? And how can you let him do that?
Also I think before anyone moves anywhere you should involve the kids. They should meet him and his kids should meet you.
Although I can see them hating you for taking their dad away from them. I'm sorry but this is how I see it.

[R&R]

This was my reply in your other thread: "I would highly suggest he visit a few times before making the move. I had visited CA a couple of times before I moved there. I truly wish I had spent much more time there before making the decision because I ended up hating it. After 14 months, I ended up moving back to the East Coast and got a divorce. I wouldn't "hold him accountable" if his work has what's caused him to not be able to make it. If you keep track of what you do for someone compared to what they do for you, your relationship isn't going to last. There are always going to be times where one party can do more than the other.

Depending on what he does for work, it may be difficult for him to land a job without already living there, so be prepared for that. When I was planning to move, I found employers wanted to sit down with you, not just phone interviews. It took me a couple of months to find steady employment. When I moved back to NH, I was rehired by a company I had worked for previously, so phone interviews were fine as they already knew me."

As far as his children, how old are they? When I moved, my children were old enough to make the decision to stay in NH or move to CA with me (13 & 14). We sat down and discussed it. If they had told me not to go, that would have been the end of my plans to move. They were encouraging and loved having a house in CA. They were also very happy when I moved back to NH but my oldest said she really missed the traveling LOL.
If his children are younger and you guys have only met 3 times, I would highly suggest giving it MUCH more time before anyone plans on moving anywhere. He needs to realize the ramifications this WILL have on his relationship with his children. And if things don't work out with the two of you and he moves back, the mother of his children can make it extremely difficult on how much he gets to see them even if he moves back.