30+ Holidays and LDR

[tonaloha]

So my SO was to be here for the holidays but circumstances not under his control he was not able to make it. Holidays are so tough and I'm so hurt and feel so alone. I got through xmas and now its NYE! All I can think of is that he said we would be together for the holidays and how he let me down.
On a good note he did mention that he will come mid January.
Because of the distance I feel so out of sorts. My questions are:

How do you deal with the lonliness that I often feel? (we talk at least 2x a day and text in between)
I've been with him since March (he's an old high school mate so when I visited family in his area we reconnected and spent time while i was there)
I have since gone to see him early September and he came to see me end of October.

When he comes to visit me mid January --- is it too soon to bring up closing th gap or making a plan? (We have talked about it loosely but no concrete plans)

Since his visit in October, there have been real rough patches and incidents that resulted in horrible arguments. We have made it through but the "honeymoon" is over and I am having a hard time accepting that. I know we are in it for the long haul because with our distance (NYC and Hawaii) it would have been easier to walk away then carry on with this relationship.

One last question -- I don't have a lot of supporters because my relationship is LDR. How do I keep myself in check when even close friends are not on board supporting me? (my fault to let them in on my business)

Thank you.

[barb757]

i know how you feel. my so was suppose to come also but things got pushed back. christmas was not a happy time for me because of it. my so told me he will be here in january too. it's also our year anniversary next week. the thing that's getting me through is now i can tell he's really missing me. he was very quiet yesterday and i ask him if everything was alright. he told me he was missing me so much. i don't know how to help you handle the lonliness because i'm not handling mine well either. it's good to talk about it and maybe you won't feel so alone

[tonaloha]

Thanks barb757 for replying. It helps to hear other people who are in similar situations. I keep telling myself he misses me as much as I miss him and why would we continue in a LDR if the feelings weren't there. I guess because of my past relationships I have a hard time believing that this is for real … have you and your SO talked about closing the gap? How often do you get to see him? I wish my distance was not so darn far….

[differentcountries]

I hear you about the holiday being harder over the distance. I don't know your reasons for hitting a rough patch, but it sounds like you need to fix things before making such big plans for the future. Where will you live? How will you earn money? Do you know each other's friends and family?

I am lucky because I usually get to see SO every month. We will rent together for 8 months next year, and me living there part time. We have talked about the possibility of him moving to my country, but not until in a year 's time at least. He needs to finish school, learn my language and pay some debt. We keep most options open towards closing the distance.

[barb757]

unfortunately because of his work and our money situation we have not been able to visit. we do send pictures to each other and no they are not posed pictures so i know it's him. we have been trying to close the distance for months but things haven't been working out as planned. he has a daughter and an elderly mother he takes care of. hopefull we will close the distance next month. i'm praying for that anyway. i hope your so tells you how much he misses you. sometimes distance makes us feel that they don't miss us as much as we miss them. he tells me all the time how much he misses me. almost every other sentence is how much. i hear ya about why be in an ldr if theres nothing there. i couldn't even imagine why someone would have one if there were nothing to be gained by it.

[R&R]

My SO didn't make it for the holiday's either. He owns his own business and things came up and so he had to stay. I'll be spending a week with him in February - a year to the day from our first in-person meeting. Though I really wished he was here, I know by him staying and working the jobs, he's working towards our future together and closing the distance.

There are times it's going to be lonely. However, I find the more I think about the fact that I am lonely, the worse it makes it. I don't allow myself the negativity and focus on our positives. I may start looking around on-line for things for us to do on our next visit and sometimes I've found something small to have personalized and sent to him. I find doing things relating to him or us makes it better.

It doesn't hurt to bring up closing the distance, even if it's just to see what his take is on it. The only way you are going to be able to start making plans or find out if you are on the same page is to communicate.

At our age (I'm just a couple of years younger than you), it surprises me that people can be so close-minded about LDR's. Just because it's not the type of relationship they choose doesn't mean that they shouldn't be supportive. I don't expect everyone to understand it but I would expect my friends to be supportive of me as their friend and my choices (as long as I'm not doing something harmful to myself). I'm very lucky that my friends are supportive and a few of them have even been able to meet him. This forum is a great resource and we all are or have been in the same situation.

[punkin105]

I wasn't with my boyfriend during the Holidays either, plus my Birthday was the 22nd also. Just didn't work out. We both have kids and financially just didn't work. We are suppose to meet half way the weekend of Jan. 16th. I had a hard time during the Holidays. I wish I would of found a way to handle it better. News Years Day night we got in an argument and yesterday he didn't return any of my messages or call me. We usually talk everyday. I feel sad and am not sure what to do.

[Elizabeth123]

It is hard being alone on holidays...but knowing your special someone is out there can make it bearable.
I won't see him until after Christmas, New Year and my birthday either...but we are going to make one day a "celebration" to enjoy together.
He is my heart and this is just a passing moment we can both survive. Best wishes to you!

[darladee]

We decided that I come to visit so I am booked valentine weekend can't wait. I am sure I will be nervous and shaking. It is like a dream come true!!