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Fighting the Good Fight - New to LDR

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    30+ Fighting the Good Fight - New to LDR

    Hi Folks, I couldn't find an 'Introduce Yourself' section, so here goes. Hopefully this isn't too long, and its not a sad story at all. I'm here for the positive vibes from all of you LDR veterans!

    My SO and I just began a somewhat short-term long distance relationship. She's a recent phd grad, which is awesome. I've been in the same job for roughly 14 years. In order to continue in her field, she's now had to take a position doing research at a university on the east coast US. I'm in Ontario, Canada.

    We met online in early January 2013. We lived in the same city at the time. For us, being over 30, we didn't feel the need to continue online 'dating' for too long. After about a week of the online thing, we arranged to meet. Hit it off amazingly and we were instantly inseparable. Within a couple of months she had met my family and I hers. Everyone loved everyone.

    By the summer of 2013 we were 'living together'. She owned a house, I rented my own place at the time, but regardless of the two locations (oddly enough just a block from eachother) we were always together at one of the two houses. Fall of 2013 we moved in together officially under one roof. Eventually she sold her house and we moved to a place in the country. We're both the outdoorsy type and wanted to get out of the city to enjoy the peace and quiet offered outside of populated areas. Believe me, seems like we were moving pretty quick, and we were, but we were both happy and still are.

    We lived at the country house we were renting for about 6 months. We decided to buy a place a little further north than where we were. A town of about 500 people. The house is a fixer upper so to speak. Not in shambles, but definitely in need of some work. We bought it with the intention of fixing the old thing up and selling so we can eventually buy land and house to carry on our dreams of having a small scale farm. We moved in at the end of May 2014. Life is great here! Renovations continue and we're probably about a year from putting it on the market to sell. Our neighbours are great, we have a massive veggie garden, forest and creek out back, dog, cat...life couldn't be better!

    But......

    We knew it was coming. We both knew that once her phd was complete she'd need to look for work, and that may or may not mean local work.

    In November, she was offered a contract job in Connecticut. We live in a small town north of Toronto, Ontario. So the new job would put just over 900 kms between us. The job was set to start late February.

    In January she nailed her phd and was done, which is AWESOME! For anyone who doesn't know, thats a heck of a lot of work to achieve. It probably takes as much love and nurturing as a long distance relationship takes!

    So, after 2 years of basically being together every day aside from work, we are now separated. Our relationship is strong. Neither of us have trust issues, we both love each other deeply and do indeed plan to spend our lives together. The last week has been tough on both of us, but we're both beginning to cope with the situation, and we both realize the deadline is 16 months away. We have plenty of room for visits back and forth.

    To be honest, I'm really glad that she is chasing her dream in her field. She's very happy with what she does, and that makes me feel pretty good about the distance we'll need to experience for the next while. Our first visit since her leaving is set for 2 weeks from now. Can't wait!

    I guess I'm really here for the extra support in those low times that are guaranteed to come and hopefully become part of a group of folks who are going through the same type of thing who are a bit of a support backbone when times get tough.

    #2
    Welcome to LFAD!

    Congrats to your girlfriend on her new job, it sounds excellent Distance can, and will, be tough at times, but if you try to use the time to grow a little, learn some things, work on the house and stay busy, you'll get through it OK. LD does have a few advantages, you just have to figure out how to focus on them instead of the disadvantages. It's not always easy, but it doesn't have to be the worst thing in the world, either Good luck!
    Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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      #3
      Thats exactly the mindset we're going into this with. For now its a little over a year. There will definitely be tough times. We're both pretty active in our hobbies and careers, so we have that to occupy most of the time.

      Luckily we're not overly far away from each other, and meeting halfway for some little weekend 'vacations' is pretty easy to do.

      Both of us being pretty confident in what we want in life makes a really big difference in the whole thing too.

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        #4
        I just want to stop in and say congrats for her getting her PhD! My husband is a PhD student (has been the whole time we've been together... 4.5 years!!), and you're right. It's a ton of work! So much work... And it has kept us apart so many times (only physically). I feel like the spouse/partner of someone who gets a PhD should get something at the graduation, too, lol.

        Good luck with everything, and welcome!
        Met online: Nov 2010 - Met in person: Nov 20, 2010
        Closed the distance: April 27, 2011
        Accepted to PhD program 200 miles away: March 2012
        LD again: July 24, 2012
        Left School and Closed the Distance for good: March 8, 2013
        Married: November 1, 2014
        Started job 200 miles away: February 23, 2015

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          #5
          Hello there, and welcome to the forum The best thing about your situation is that you have a potential time line there, 16 months. Once you get settled into the routine of communicating long-distance etc, that time will fly by I'm sure!
          Together since: Feb 23rd 2005.
          First met: June 13th 2006

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            #6
            Hi and welcome

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