We closed the distance after five months of talking online. He visited me on February 24th all the way from JAPAN to kenya. It was the most amazing week of my life sometimes I would look at him and not believe he is actually there with me. He stayed in a hotel the first 3days, we were to go out of nairobi for 2days but it did not work out so I just told him he could stay with me the remaing three days as I was now comfortable with him and could trust him.
After he went back to Japan I thought I should visit him for a month. So I asked him if we can discuss my trip. I wrote him an email telling him I would like to visit for about 4 weeks to 6 weeks and that I was looking between August and October, also he would be my host therefore I would go under a visitors visa but I was also looking for an internship or volunteer work so that when he is working I would have something to keep me busy as I did not expect him to take leave for a whole month. If I got the internship I would go under a different visa. Anyway I told him the ultimate decision would be his to let me know which month would be ideal and for how long I would stay.
Here is where my frustration begun.
After sending him the email he sent me a whatsapp asking if the internship would be paid and that he had no problem with me stay with him although he his contract was ending in the summer and he would have to look for a new place. but what struck me was when he said that if I plan to to live and go visit from time to time I should think more about financing my stay... I don't expect him to cater for everything but I just wondered what that statement meant. How I understood is that he wants me to be going independently in this case not on visitors visa ( as this would require him to write me a letter of invitation/act as my garantor) and that I would seek my own accommodation. My problem is that we are together so it should be automatic that we would stay together and he would be my host and of course apart from paying for my own flight I would contribute finacially towards grocery and activities . am I over reacting over the statement?
I asked him to call or we skype about the trip plans as I did not want misunderstanding through whatsapping; after telling him this he went quiet for six days the luck of effort to call me or whatsapp made feel like he is not interested in me visiting so I told him I am thinking of cancelling the trip, he then reponded a day later that he would be busy this month(April) so i don't if that means he will not be reponding to my messages?? and then he doesn't even ask me why I am cancelling the trip he just asks me with a teary emoticon '' is that your final decision?''
So I ask him if he wants me to visit... he goes quiet for 5hrs. I get annoyed because I see him online and he isnt reading my message(ignoring it) . Out frustration I tell him if he is not ready for me to visit he should tell me so that we can postpone the trip to a more appropriate time or if he doesn't want a relationship he should tell me so that I can move on, three days later after I have been seeing him only but not reading my message he responds that he would like to have me with him and that it would be great... and he would try and see about skype and write again since the 7th to 18th April he has not written to me; I see him online, and his last seen updated. finally totally frustrated on 18th April I wrote to him again saying that it appears he doesn't want me to visit and I take his non reponse as a sign that he does not want a relationship so I kind of ended it and tell him it was nice to have met him and I wish him best of luck. as usually he is going online hasn't read my message yet. I dont know when I will hear from him next perhaps never.
Sorry to write a long post I just needed to vent.
1. My frustration is that he isn't taking a proactive role in helping plan for my trip to see him which I thought he would be excited about; and if he is too busy to think or respond at the moment it would have been Nice to send a small message saying '' I know you are waiting to conlude planning the trip but give me time as I am busy at the moment''
2. I run an events business so I really needed to settle a date with him so that I can know how my business will run while I am away and to bring forth pending plans so that I dont leave angry clients behind.
3. I feel he is not caring for me and being considerate... and his luck of proper communication isn't helping.
Am I just over reacting? what do you think about the whole situation, is it a lost course?...
I still plan to visit Japan on my own even if it is not to see him. I have already set a date when I will go and I got the internship
After he went back to Japan I thought I should visit him for a month. So I asked him if we can discuss my trip. I wrote him an email telling him I would like to visit for about 4 weeks to 6 weeks and that I was looking between August and October, also he would be my host therefore I would go under a visitors visa but I was also looking for an internship or volunteer work so that when he is working I would have something to keep me busy as I did not expect him to take leave for a whole month. If I got the internship I would go under a different visa. Anyway I told him the ultimate decision would be his to let me know which month would be ideal and for how long I would stay.
Here is where my frustration begun.
After sending him the email he sent me a whatsapp asking if the internship would be paid and that he had no problem with me stay with him although he his contract was ending in the summer and he would have to look for a new place. but what struck me was when he said that if I plan to to live and go visit from time to time I should think more about financing my stay... I don't expect him to cater for everything but I just wondered what that statement meant. How I understood is that he wants me to be going independently in this case not on visitors visa ( as this would require him to write me a letter of invitation/act as my garantor) and that I would seek my own accommodation. My problem is that we are together so it should be automatic that we would stay together and he would be my host and of course apart from paying for my own flight I would contribute finacially towards grocery and activities . am I over reacting over the statement?
I asked him to call or we skype about the trip plans as I did not want misunderstanding through whatsapping; after telling him this he went quiet for six days the luck of effort to call me or whatsapp made feel like he is not interested in me visiting so I told him I am thinking of cancelling the trip, he then reponded a day later that he would be busy this month(April) so i don't if that means he will not be reponding to my messages?? and then he doesn't even ask me why I am cancelling the trip he just asks me with a teary emoticon '' is that your final decision?''
So I ask him if he wants me to visit... he goes quiet for 5hrs. I get annoyed because I see him online and he isnt reading my message(ignoring it) . Out frustration I tell him if he is not ready for me to visit he should tell me so that we can postpone the trip to a more appropriate time or if he doesn't want a relationship he should tell me so that I can move on, three days later after I have been seeing him only but not reading my message he responds that he would like to have me with him and that it would be great... and he would try and see about skype and write again since the 7th to 18th April he has not written to me; I see him online, and his last seen updated. finally totally frustrated on 18th April I wrote to him again saying that it appears he doesn't want me to visit and I take his non reponse as a sign that he does not want a relationship so I kind of ended it and tell him it was nice to have met him and I wish him best of luck. as usually he is going online hasn't read my message yet. I dont know when I will hear from him next perhaps never.
Sorry to write a long post I just needed to vent.
1. My frustration is that he isn't taking a proactive role in helping plan for my trip to see him which I thought he would be excited about; and if he is too busy to think or respond at the moment it would have been Nice to send a small message saying '' I know you are waiting to conlude planning the trip but give me time as I am busy at the moment''
2. I run an events business so I really needed to settle a date with him so that I can know how my business will run while I am away and to bring forth pending plans so that I dont leave angry clients behind.
3. I feel he is not caring for me and being considerate... and his luck of proper communication isn't helping.
Am I just over reacting? what do you think about the whole situation, is it a lost course?...
I still plan to visit Japan on my own even if it is not to see him. I have already set a date when I will go and I got the internship
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