30+ age gaps

[pepperfairy]

Sorry guys I'm not 30+ but I thought this might be a good place to put this.
I'm 24 my SO is 47..
I'm almost 25 so I'm going to say it's a 22 year age gap.
with the age difference an the space between us I have decided to only tell a few friends about him as it's only been just over a month since we have been dating exclusively.
I'm not in anyway ashamed just thought I would get that out there.
the few friends I have told didn't react how I would have liked them to.
he is a sailor so I have actually had a few friends say
'he will have a girl in every port'
The distance and the age gap makes it hard for other people to understand.
Has anyone esle felt like other people just don't get it?

[TaraMarie]

My ex husband was 22 years older than me. We were together for 30 years. We split three years ago, but are great friends. It was odd in the beginning and got more acceptable as I got older. In the end we just had nothing in common. My fiancée is 10 years younger than me. That doesn't bother me either.

[pepperfairy]

Thank you.
I wish others could see age is just a number.
all the best to you and your fiancee!!!

[Ella85]

Not in an LDR but a CDR I dated 2 guys that were a lot older than me. When I was 15 I was dating a guy who was 30 and I had a lot of bad reactions to that (I understand why now, I was 15!!) then when I was 17 I dated a guy who was 29. It lasted 2 years with both of them but that was for various reasons. Because you are older people will have mixed reactions but people will always judge and have an opinion. At the end of the day if he makes you happy it's for you to decide not them.
My boyfriend is 2 years younger than me.

[pepperfairy]

Yea he does make me happy
An like I said I'm not ashamed.
but it's hard telling people about the distance an his age.
it's still early days so no rush to tell people. I guess I just need to learn to block out any negative comments.

[R&R]

The biggest age gap I've had was 10 years - I was 21 and he was 31. It was fun but when it came down to it, we ended up just not having a lot in common and we ended it. Big age gaps can work if you are both willing to put in the work, just like any other relationship.

However, there are things to keep in mind. If you ever get to a point of wanting a family, etc, that's a large gap when you're discussing kids and parenting. He would be more like a grandfather than father to the kids. Even at my age, 44, I wouldn't want to start over again. When you're 45, he's going to be closer to 70. You'll have a very active lifestyle where he may not want to be on the go all the time and enjoying his retirement. I know that's a long way away but they are things to consider.


My SO and I are 2 days apart (he's older) and it's nice to have a lot of the same generational experiences and memories. But if you're happy and it works, good luck to you.

[pepperfairy]

Due to reasons I won't disclose the having kids thing is not an issue.
But yes I agree that with a such an age gap those things should be considered.

As for the whole retire an relax thing.. Yea I most likely will be more active than he will be.
But I also like to relax
currently I'm a real home body love watching movies an having friends over for coffee.
An he is living a real adventurous life.. so I can only hope we will meet in the middle I guess.
It's quite hard to think that far down the track as he doesn't seem to have a long term plan.. if he had some idea where he was heading rather than winging it.. I could look ahead an see how we would fit together.

I get where your coming from being close in age.. having things in common an I'm happy for you an your SO.

I think that with my SO the fact that the generation gap how we were brought up an even how we live now being so different is a huge part in how we feel for each other.
we are so different in many ways...
but we hold similar views on life.

[p_b82]

My largest age gap was 20 years - at a similar age to you and also long distance.

However for me I just realised that the differences in our generations were too much, and that while we have the same mindset on most things, it wasn't something I wanted longer term - I am still however great friends with her.

My more recent ex we were only 1 day apart, but much more different - she was s single mum with 5 kids (3 different fathers), and she decided she didn't want the relationship with me any longer... In that respect age has nothing to do with whether it will work out or not - other factors are usually to play there I find.

Both got odd reactions when I told people about them, but as I was happy I accepted what they had to say, and ignored it if I did not agree with them.

[pepperfairy]

Thank you for sharing
Funny thing is I made a slight judgment in my mind about the single mum :/
I guess it's just human nature.

[p_b82]

Thank you for sharing
Funny thing is I made a slight judgment in my mind about the single mum :/
I guess it's just human nature.

Yeah exactly, it was why I mentioned it - there are lots of things that people on the outside will always 'judge' even if it only for a split second... I try very very hard not to do that to any-one, but as you say it is human nature, so canbe very hard not to at times...

[Moon]

There are definitely things to consider with a generational gap, like having grown with completely different experiences and mindsets. I think of my daughter, who's 26, and myself at 44, and we feel very differently toward current events and pop culture, and grew up almost with a different set of rules, sort of. If those things honestly don't bother you, and you realize there will be many issues you relate to differently, then stop worrying about what ever people think and be happy in your relationship (an example here - those of us in our 40's tend to care a lot less what other's think, but people in their 20's tend to still). You do need to understand that there will be people who are disgusted at your age gap and you will be judged, but if you're strong enough to get past that, you're an adult, do what you want.

I'm a single mom too, and you judged that, so it's just what people do, and if you're doing something unconventional, you need to prepare to have it happen.

[snow_girl]

If it works for you then who cares what other people think. I'm having a hard enough time coming to terms that I will be dating someone in their 30s by the end of next week, and I'm only two years behind! hehe