30+ Age 35, inexperienced, worked myself into a tizzy, need perspective.

[Rusty]

Hello all, I'm so glad to have found this website and forum, and even more pleased that there's a 30+ section. I'm 35 but when it comes to romantic relationships, I might as well be a teenager for my lack of maturity, and it's all the worse in my current one, which is obviously long-distance. There may be threads already in existence that you can direct me to for advice.

I met my man two and a half years ago and we knew each other from a distance from the beginning. By some miracle, we finally got together for a date on New Year's Day this year and officially became a couple on Valentine's Day. I'm supposed to go meet his extended family and old friends for July 4th, which I regard as a very special party invitation. I'm thrilled to have finally landed my crush but that means that the angst is especially bad, and living eight hours away is making it so hard. This may be one of the most difficult things I've done but I'm determined to make it work because he is a good catch and worth it. I'm looking for jobs back in his state, where I used to live, to close the distance as soon as possible and just get myself HOME.

So how do you stay calm when you start worrying about a long-distance significant other sticking with you across the miles? Keeping score seems immature, but that's what I have to rely on to remind myself that he's invested as much as I am--all of the time, gas money, effort, patience, and weighty discussions about the future. He has a flirty coworker whose Facebook antics have made me realize that I would do well to minimize my use of the 'Book and who's threatening to drive me crazy. I think that's what's really making me freak out the most. I've managed to largely "hide my crazy" and calm down when I miss him and we've held on so far.

Anyway, what I can do to get a grip and remember what's going right in this situation? Sigh, two and a half weeks until I see him, and hopefully not two and a half weeks of freaking out. Thanks for reading.

[Elizabeth123]

Welcome to LFAD
You trust each other unless there is an actual reason not to...you BOTH have chosen each other
Always communicate and support each other emotionally

Put no value on FB posts...value his respect and treatment of you

Plan your trip and share the excitement with him
the best to you both!

[Rusty]

Well, guess what: I was so freaked out that there was no way I was going to sleep, so I actually texted my boyfriend late at night to ask him, as casually as possible (albeit, acknowledging my stupidity and apologizing) if his coworker might have the hots for him. I know that text is the poorest medium but if I was going to be a nag and bother him late, I wasn't about to haul off and call him about just this. He said that he doesn't get any vibe from her beyond friendship and acknowledged the weirdness of Facebook, and Elizabeth123, I appreciate you pointing out not placing any value on Facebook posts. He also said "no worries" and that it's best to ask questions instead of worrying. I mentioned my own previous experience with my own coworker (which the boyfriend observed) as a way to help my case, since that's made me sensitive to public hitting-on. Since I had to go ahead and TEXT him (what have I done?), I can't truly know the context of his responses, but I suppose reading into them too much is a bad idea. I worry so much that I've totally turned him off but it's anyone's guess and I'll just leave him be for a while now, hoping that this blows over.

[differentcountries]

Maybe she is into your bf, maybe not. It doesn't matter as much as what HE feels about things. My SO has a job where being a little flirty with customers is what gets them their tips, but that doesn't mean he wants to change girlfriends. He lives in another country. If he wanted to cheat on me he could have done it a million times, but I trust him. Some truely beautiful women has been interested in him which has ticked off my buttons, but as long as his loyalty lies with me I can stress all I want but it will only happen in my angst imagination

[HayKate]

Hi,

I am new to this page too. Rusty, I understand where you are at. I am also in my 30s and haven't had a million and one relationships, as I am just not 'like' that. I am also in my first long distance relationship, which started a month ago (though we had known each other for 6 years-but not realising that each of us felt the same). With regards to FB, I get you. I had a bit of an upset when my OH changed their profile picture from them and me to a photo of a cake I bought them. They said that they like to change their profile picture often. A friend of mine told me to pay no attention to FB also. I really am not keen on this distance thing. I am used to going on dates etc with people who live roughly in my area. It looks like we will be in a LD for quite a while though as my OH is moving countries soon also to see if their health will improve. I am so glad that I found this site.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

The only way that long distance will work long term is to let go of those insecurities and believe your SO when he says that wants to be with you. It's all about trust! Without that trust that he will be true to you (even if his co-worker is into him), you will continue to have these moments of self-doubt on a regular basis. That is no way to live! Communication is also key. If you continue to communicate when things are bothering you and he continues to reassure you, eventually you will start to believe him and realize that no matter what happens, you two are in it for the long-hall.