30+ Need experienced advice

[Trent432]

Hello all,

I don't have anyone to ask about this and I'm kind of going crazy so I'm hoping someone can help me out who has had some sort of similar experience... If so this won't be the last time I ask ha.. I started talking to a woman about a month ago from a website. We clicked like crazy and long story short I asked her after 3 weeks of non stop communication if I could come meet her. It has been electric and made my life come to a screeching hault. I can't think about anything but her even when I try... Anyway we decided upon a date which would be about 3 months after we began talking... a few days ago is when I bought the plane ticket (other side of the country) in which she was very excited to hear as I was excited to do so. Ever since then the non stop talking has slowed down, today she isn't talking to me almost at all.. What I need help with is trusting someone you have never met.. I trust her, but it's always in the back of my mind she could be lying about every little thing she tells me. It worries me she loved what was intangible and now that I have a plan to see her she just isn't that interested anymore. Maybe she just wanted to see if she could get me to actually do it..... Also I understand this time period in which I'm explaining is a very short period of time, but should I feel weird that she prefers me to stay in a hotel? ... Also is it completely insane to think you love someone you have never met? ... That's what's going on in my mind.. Any other advice anyone could give me on any of this would be greatly appreciated. The visit/anything at all. Thank you in advance.

[R&R]

Welcome to LFAD.

Honestly, any time I have met someone from online, I do my research first. I'll do internet searches for verification. When my SO told me where he lived, I sent him flowers, a teddy bear and candy without telling him to expect them. Though seen as something sweet to do, it also verified his address and that his status of being single was indeed accurate as a gf or wife hadn't come out of the shadows.

There is nothing wrong with her asking you to stay at a hotel. Honestly, she doesn't "know" you either. Considering how short of a time you've been talking, I think it's actually rather smart of her. I'd done the LDR thing a few times before my SO, and even though I stayed with them when I got there, I also knew where hotels were, rental cars and taxi's in case I needed to find another place to stay if it didn't work. I also had to "check in" with my kids, family and friends upon arrival and all through my trip just for peace of mind for them and my safety.

Can you fall in love with someone you've never met IRL? Yes. But beware the difference of infatuation and love. They are two completely different things.

[Trent432]

Welcome to LFAD.

Honestly, any time I have met someone from online, I do my research first. I'll do internet searches for verification. When my SO told me where he lived, I sent him flowers, a teddy bear and candy without telling him to expect them. Though seen as something sweet to do, it also verified his address and that his status of being single was indeed accurate as a gf or wife hadn't come out of the shadows.

There is nothing wrong with her asking you to stay at a hotel. Honestly, she doesn't "know" you either. Considering how short of a time you've been talking, I think it's actually rather smart of her. I'd done the LDR thing a few times before my SO, and even though I stayed with them when I got there, I also knew where hotels were, rental cars and taxi's in case I needed to find another place to stay if it didn't work. I also had to "check in" with my kids, family and friends upon arrival and all through my trip just for peace of mind for them and my safety.

Can you fall in love with someone you've never met IRL? Yes. But beware the difference of infatuation and love. They are two completely different things.

Thank you for your feedback. I dont disagree with the hotel thing, as far as infatuation and love that's what I fear on her end. Suppose only time will tell...

I also sent her a thing or 2, got that covered. I totally understand she doesn't truly know me. Maybe I just need to hear some of these things said to me.

Point is thank you, it's appreciated. Sorry for double posting

[Elizabeth123]

Hi and Welcome to LFAD!
Yes, like R&R said....hotel, background check, etc...caution is showing common sense and makes the first meeting that much easier.
Also one person staying at a hotel gives both parties a chance to relax and not be 24/7 unless the feeling is mutual.

My SO (now husband) and I met after about 6 months and I refused to stay with him the first time. We started texting, then phone and then Skype before we decided a face to face meeting was our next step.
Enjoy your visit and remember to communicate with each other. The best to you both!

[Mersky]

Hey Trent!

First of all, I totally understand how you're feeling! It must be a little terrifying knowing you've bought a plane ticket, ready to travel thousands of miles to go see someone who 'might' not be worth it because she isn't interested after all. But let's put all of that aside and think of the reasons why you bought that ticket to go see her, your talks, and so on. I'm thinking she might've gotten a little insecure or shy which could be the reason she doesn't talk as much as before. Just enjoy your trip and being with your SO !

Oh and about the hotel, that's not a red flag at all. I think it's actually better, like what Elizabeth says. It might even be better because you give each other space to think, and ease your mind a bit. Because after all it's quite a happening haha!

[differentcountries]

My 2 cents;

SO and I did not meet online, but we had very short time together in real life, so I guess you can say we "half met" on intenet. That was where I got to know him, anyway. We did not even spend 3 days together dating. A loose friend told me that he was a great guy, but it turned out later that she was not half as well informed about him as I thought she was. After we met, I did all the things you are supposed to not do:
- tell people he is my boyfriend
- send him a lot of money to buy a smart phone
- booked a ticket 2 months later to a country where I had only been once, did not speak the langage, and knew nobody
- went to visit him without even having his adress, or the names of the people he stayed with, in a different town than where I met him etc.

I don't know. I told myself, the worst that can happen is that we don't click when we see each other, or that his friends are not comfortable having me, and then I will find a hotel and have a small holiday by myself. Of course he could be a compulsive lier or after my money, but so can people CD, especially if you don't know the people they know, so you have someone to verify their stories.

You can google her all you want, but in the end it is your gut feeling that will help you make good decitions. And if you want to get to know her more, visits early on are great.

My SO is, even after 2 years of regular visits, quite shy the time before I come. It is weird, but I have learned to appreciate that the anticipation is almost too much for him, so he blocks out and it comes out as disinterest. I even tease him about it; look at your strange face, I hope you will be happier to see me live! And he is. Every time.

[Trent432]

Hey Trent!

First of all, I totally understand how you're feeling! It must be a little terrifying knowing you've bought a plane ticket, ready to travel thousands of miles to go see someone who 'might' not be worth it because she isn't interested after all. But let's put all of that aside and think of the reasons why you bought that ticket to go see her, your talks, and so on. I'm thinking she might've gotten a little insecure or shy which could be the reason she doesn't talk as much as before. Just enjoy your trip and being with your SO !

Oh and about the hotel, that's not a red flag at all. I think it's actually better, like what Elizabeth says. It might even be better because you give each other space to think, and ease your mind a bit. Because after all it's quite a happening haha!

Thanks for the input.. Your comments made me feel better for sure

[Trent432]

Thank you everyone it's greatly appreciated