30+ A "No Photo" dilemma

[surfwax]

Greetings all !
After my divorce (6 years ago ) and (interestingly enough ) my younger brother breaking up with his long time girl friend , I am now in a LDR with HIS ex. ( before anyone jumps to a wrong conclusion , there was no infidelity, wife-swapping, or really any prior connection due to the fact that we live 900 miles apart )
Anyway, I'll give her the false name "Ingrid" .
Ingrid and I met a couple times in person back in 2006 / 2008 but at the time she was still dating my brother and I was still married . We kept in touch, (off and on ) , after our break ups.
Six months ago our occasional connecting heated up and now Ingrid and I talk every night, for hours , we text each other all day and she tells me I'm her man and she can't think of life without me.

I plan on driving the 900 mile excursion, at the end of March, to spend a week with Ingrid. but one huge issue is seriously bothering me.

I send ( via cell phone or email ) tons of pictures and videos of me on a daily basis but Ingrid refuses to send even one. I plead and beg for just a single head shot but Ingrid has a million excuses as to why she won't. She'll send photos of meals she's eating,.... the rain outside her bedroom window,.... or some dress she just purchased, but no picture of herself is ever sent. She won't download Skype or Viber either.

I have a pit in my stomach that this "no photo dilemma" is an indicator of something deeper . Do I issue an ultimatum of no picture~no March visit ? why would a woman refuse to send just one picture yet speak every night of her dying affection for me ?

[snow_girl]

I don't think I'd be okay with that.

[sasad]

I hate having my picture taken and took me a year to send one to my SO, but and its a big but, I love to skype with him. So, I understand the picture thing, but she should skype etc. I would be a bit worried. Did you ask her why?

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Seems kind of like a red flag to me. Why won't she skype you? I know that you know her so it's unlikely you're being cat fished but it something seriously doesn't seem right here.

[TaraMarie]

Maybe she's gained a ton of weight....?

[Honour]

Maybe she's super camera shy? Talk to her about it.

[Elizabeth123]

You're both mature adults...I think it's reasonable to expect a normal picture. Do you have any old photos from when she was with your brother?
Don't demand it but DO explain to her that you need that...communication is essential.
Best of luck to you.

[lucybelle]

I also wouldn't be okay with this. If she won't send photos the least she can do is skype face to face. Tell her it makes you feel more connected when you can see her.

[R&R]

I wouldn't be okay with it either. If she considers you her man and can't see life without you, sending a picture or talking on Skype shouldn't be an issue. She may not like pictures of herself or be 100% happy with pictures of herself but that's no reason not to send them.

My SO loves it when I have no makeup on and I prefer to be fully made up before taking and sending pics. I will send him pics makeup free though because even though I don't like it, he loves it and it makes him happy. It's not like you're asking her to do something drastic or illegal.

[Ella85]

I wouldn't be ok with this either. When I just met my SO I had a few problems online. I didnt mind sending him pictures but I was a bit nervous to skype at first. So we just did voice chat until I felt ok with adding video to it. It was because of a bad experience but also because I felt really fat. I was still in the process of losing a lot of weight and I am really vein.

The point is I would talk to her about it. Part of a long distance relationship is that you need to be able to communicate well. Honestly though if she is that worried about taking a picture you could just ask her in march if you can have one of you together for sentimental reasons. I told my SO I wanted a picture of us together on my first visit and I told him it meant a lot to me so we took one. I have a lot more now but there has been quite a few trips since.

[hmrambling]

Maybe the real question is, "how important is it to you?"

I'm not a fan of ultimatums. Are you willing to risk the relationship over a photo? If so, go ahead and issue an ultimatum.

How important is it?

[Link]

This is definitely weird. I'm camera shy and hate pics I'm in but I'd never refuse a photo...
I suspect there is a weight issue... But surely if you decide to see her you're going to actually see her.
I don't know. I would personally ask straight up why!
Let us know anyway!

[HisLittleBear]

This seems very odd given that you both know what each other looked like.

I'd talk to her about it.