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    #1

    30+ About to go LDR

    Hi everyone. I haven't been to this site for years! My last relationship that beought me here, ended 4 years ago. I have dated since but nothing serious until about 3 weeks ago. I am now dating a wonderful man. He really is everything I could ever ask for in a partner. The issue is he was just offered a job position on Tuesday that he couldn't say no to. He kept texting me on Tuesday asking me what should he do and that he doesn't want to lose me. Of course I told him to take it, it's twice as much income as he is earning currently and it's out of this crap hole of a city.

    Since I met him, he told me his dream was to move to Santa Cruz, CA and that is the city his job offer is at. He moves in 2 weeks. The distance will be 2.5 hours away. I myself am going through a custody battle for my son, so I can't just up and move. This guy suggested that if it turns out I lose custody, then I could move with him. Which is true, I could but not sure I am ready for that considering we are so new to this. He is a chef and they work long, brutal hours. As it is now, I see him late nights when he gets off work or on his days off which are week days.

    I am currently studying for my board exam in July and I already have a job offer here.

    This really sucks! I am trying to be supportive because I know it's an opportunity of a life time for him but I swore to myself after my last relationship that was long distance of the same distance, that I would not do another LDR. But after 4 years of dating and not having that connection with anyone, I know I can't just throw in the towel yet.
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    #2
    Yes, it sucks. I won't deny you that, but 2.5 hours is extremely doable for weekly visits. No, it's not ideal, but what in this world is? You two have a chance to keep dating and seeing where your relationship goes. Why would you deny yourself the chance to be with someone that could be your soulmate? I say go for it! In a year or so, you two can reevaluate where you should be. Don't worry about the end result yet!

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      #3
      Two and a half hours is the amount of time my SO and I fly each and every weekend to be together! We do it because it's worth it. Yep, weekdays are tough and I hate saying goodbye on Monday mornings, but at least we are together every single weekend. Worth every penny and every mile we fly.
      sigpic

      I love him. Forever. And every day after that.

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        #4
        Thank you ladies. He just found out Tuesday night and then yesterday (his day off) he had to drive up there to sign his job offer and he was checking out rooms to rent. He got home very late last night back in town and early this morning before he went to work, he was already packing up some of his apartment and hauling it to his dad's to store. I haven't seen him in over a week because he was sick and then all of this happened. I am hoping when we see each other next that he has some detailed plans as to how exactly this can work.

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          #5
          Originally posted by MissingMyDutchLove View Post
          Yes, it sucks. I won't deny you that, but 2.5 hours is extremely doable for weekly visits. No, it's not ideal, but what in this world is? You two have a chance to keep dating and seeing where your relationship goes. Why would you deny yourself the chance to be with someone that could be your soulmate? I say go for it! In a year or so, you two can reevaluate where you should be. Don't worry about the end result yet!
          I have to agree with this. 2.5 hours is definitely workable. Right now you are working on getting to know each other and this will really allow you to work on communication and learning how each other ticks.

          When I was 21, I dated a guy who only lived a couple of towns over from me. He ended up moving from NH to MA - about 2 hrs 15 minutes or so. This was before cell phones, computers, Skype.....all the things we have now to help us communicate. There wasn't the title of "LDR" back then - it was just an incovenience that we had to deal with. Some nights, I would get out of work at 9:00pm, get there a little after 11 and leave at 6:30 to be to work by 9 the next day. It's amazing what you can make work when you really want it.
          To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

          ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

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            #6
            The other battle I have to deal with is that he is a chef. Which means he doesn't get weekends off ever. He only gets days off mid-week. He has two young kids where I live so his days off will be shared between me and his kids. And my hours for my job offer look to be the normal 9-5. I already was aware of limited time with him because of his schedule but now this. Ugh. I haven't seen him in a week and a half. He was sick last week and then the job offer and all this craziness this week has kept him being able to meet up. It's hard. But I definitely think he could be worth it.

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by FierceFoxie View Post
              The other battle I have to deal with is that he is a chef. Which means he doesn't get weekends off ever. He only gets days off mid-week. He has two young kids where I live so his days off will be shared between me and his kids. And my hours for my job offer look to be the normal 9-5. I already was aware of limited time with him because of his schedule but now this. Ugh. I haven't seen him in a week and a half. He was sick last week and then the job offer and all this craziness this week has kept him being able to meet up. It's hard. But I definitely think he could be worth it.
              My SO owns his own business. He's on call 24-7 plus working his normal 14+ hour days, 7 days a week. He has 10 kids (yes 10) and 4 grandbabies. I'm not trying to do a "who has it worse", but this is just my reality. I drive 15 hours to see him and hopefully get 1 or 2 hours a day with him and then drive 15 hours back. We haven't seen each other in almost a year. All relationships have different struggles and our biggest one is time for and with each other. We make it work - we have for 2 1/2 years so far. Trust me, if two people want to make it work and want to put in the effort, it can happen. It sounds like you are willing to give it a try and so is he and that's great!!! Just when things come into it, like him getting sick ahd having to miss a visit, just remember the big picture.
              To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

              ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by R&R View Post
                Trust me, if two people want to make it work and want to put in the effort, it can happen. It sounds like you are willing to give it a try and so is he and that's great!!! Just when things come into it, like him getting sick ahd having to miss a visit, just remember the big picture.
                That's a great perspective. I know I am definitely not ready to walk away yet. Especially when all this change just happened this week. I know it's only fair to see how things will work out once he is settled in the new job and new city.

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