My parents don't approve with my LDR

[sasad]

Yeah. And that is what I am afraid of. My mother just stops talking if she doesn't agree with something, she turns into herself and refuses to say anything. Although I have a few photo's of my SO and her daughter in my appartment, she even refuses to look at them. My faters opinion, I actually don't know, although he'll always backs up my mother (and I think he should).



Yes, that I found out. I am getting pretty fond of her daughter. And we've reached a point now that makes us think of the future. And I find myself worrying about her daughter as a father will.

You dont need approval, that is correct. But try to look at your parents side, or how would you feel if your child was doing the same thing. Your relationship is not 5 months old!! 5 months, she has a child( where is the father as he also has rights), and you all have never met in person. It does happen that when people meet, the magic just isn't there. Doesn't happen often, but it does happen.
So, as a parent, if my son came home and asked me to take a woman and child I have never met into my heart, i would hesitate. Seriously. Think like a parent and try to understand where they are coming from.
Time is a great ally. Have them meet in person and see how that goes. Give them time to get used to this.

And yes, you dont need their permission or anything, but it feels good when our parents approve.

[erwin1973]

Thanks, that helps. Sadly, my SO is a widow, so the father of her child is not in the picture.

I can understand the view of my parents, I really do. I am not asking them to take my SO in their heart yet. But a little interest in how things are going would be nice.

I will take things easy towards my parents, thanks again.

[Nightamin]

OP, I am currently in the same situation. I feel like I'd be in a similar situation to what Snow went through actually, they would most likely attempt to say something like they would disown me (I'm an only child who's had a lot happen in the past and they're extremely overprotective). S/O is also five years older than me, and I frequently get he's too old for you's from my mother (just another tactic to try and have me give up on him). My father I'm actually to afraid to approach about this, even though my mother is much more hysteric in character. I'm afraid of being ostracised by my only family so I have only brought him up once. They have nothing but bad things to say about LDRs, always alluding to Tinder dates that ended in rape or murder, or 'marriage via correspondence'. I truly believe that the only way for me to get around this is to spend as much time with him as possible (we have a first visit on the cards for April), since it should only be natural for parents to want to know who their sons or daughters are out and about with. I can only assume that after some time has passed that they will come around. Perhaps this will hold true for you, too. Best of luck. I know it can be frustrating.

[Nightamin]

That is awesome(that they love your husband unconditionally)!!!!

Awesome indeed. How wonderful it would be to have everyone happy in the end. What everyone in our boat hopes for, honestly.

[erwin1973]

OP, I am currently in the same situation. I feel like I'd be in a similar situation to what Snow went through actually, they would most likely attempt to say something like they would disown me (I'm an only child who's had a lot happen in the past and they're extremely overprotective). S/O is also five years older than me, and I frequently get he's too old for you's from my mother (just another tactic to try and have me give up on him). My father I'm actually to afraid to approach about this, even though my mother is much more hysteric in character. I'm afraid of being ostracised by my only family so I have only brought him up once. They have nothing but bad things to say about LDRs, always alluding to Tinder dates that ended in rape or murder, or 'marriage via correspondence'. I truly believe that the only way for me to get around this is to spend as much time with him as possible (we have a first visit on the cards for April), since it should only be natural for parents to want to know who their sons or daughters are out and about with. I can only assume that after some time has passed that they will come around. Perhaps this will hold true for you, too. Best of luck. I know it can be frustrating.

Thanks.

Well, IMHO a 5 years age different is not that bad, right? A friend of my ex is married to a man 36 years older then she is... That's a big age difference...

Me and my SO differ 10 years.

Well, as I said before, I understand my parents because of what happened with my first LDR - that ended in disaster and a horror-devorce. But then, hey, mum, be realistic. If I would have married my neighbour, the same could have happened...

I think that indeed a general fear for LDR is the bottomline, although my parents were very supportive in my first LDR.

Good luck with it. I hope you have lots of fun together in April. I still don't have a date for visit (February has been called off... )

[sasad]

Thanks.

Well, IMHO a 5 years age different is not that bad, right? A friend of my ex is married to a man 36 years older then she is... That's a big age difference...

Me and my SO differ 10 years.

Well, as I said before, I understand my parents because of what happened with my first LDR - that ended in disaster and a horror-devorce. But then, hey, mum, be realistic. If I would have married my neighbour, the same could have happened...

I think that indeed a general fear for LDR is the bottomline, although my parents were very supportive in my first LDR.

Good luck with it. I hope you have lots of fun together in April. I still don't have a date for visit (February has been called off... )

Oh nooess what happened that you cant go??

[erwin1973]

Oh nooess what happened that you cant go??

A sudden downfall in income. I lost almost half of it.
I told Evelyn and she's been crying for an hour. After that, she asked me if I would pray (bc as man I'm the head of the family) and then I broke down.
After that we prayed.

[sasad]

A sudden downfall in income. I lost almost half of it.
I told Evelyn and she's been crying for an hour. After that, she asked me if I would pray (bc as man I'm the head of the family) and then I broke down.
After that we prayed.

I am very sorry to hear that.

I do not understand what the- bc man I'm head of the family means??

[erwin1973]

Tnx.

She means that in her culture, the man should do the prayers. That is - as I understand - usual in her culture / family.

[xxcazaxx]

Sorry to hear that Erwin!!

[erwin1973]

Sorry to hear that Erwin!!

Thanks. Hoping now for the tax refund.

At least we are planning, we are enjoying our time and we have been talking together about my slack in income. We have been making alternative plans for backup and we will just have to see what is going to happen.

There are two positives on this story (I don't like negative).
1. We're really in love with each other no matter what happens
2. We have learned a great deal about each other in the past 36 hours.

As long as that is the case, and we still have faith in a future with the 3 of us, a (hopefully) little delay is just a minor setback.

Thanks for your support all.

[Venuslove106]

Hi Erwin1973. I am new to the forum and even though I am the woman in the LDR, I thought I would tell you that my SO is also 43 and his family, whom he was close to, is not approving of his decision to pursue this LDR with me, and it's hard on him too. He is feeling like you are, that he knows it's right between us and that our love & happiness are real, but he would like them to approve, as would I. I am hopeful though, that in your case and in ours, as some of the other members here have suggested..when they realize that they want you to be happy and see that you are, they will come around. Best of luck and congrats on you and Evelyn finding each other! 😃

[erwin1973]

Hi Erwin1973. I am new to the forum and even though I am the woman in the LDR, I thought I would tell you that my SO is also 43 and his family, whom he was close to, is not approving of his decision to pursue this LDR with me, and it's hard on him too. He is feeling like you are, that he knows it's right between us and that our love & happiness are real, but he would like them to approve, as would I. I am hopeful though, that in your case and in ours, as some of the other members here have suggested..when they realize that they want you to be happy and see that you are, they will come around. Best of luck and congrats on you and Evelyn finding each other! ��

Thank you. Yes, I still hope so. Eve and I are very happy together and we tend to understand each other before we speak out, usually. Especially she with me. I know she is my SO, and with or without my parents, this is gonna happen.
I wish you two good luck, in the same situation. And a happy life together.