30+ Date Functions and new SO's

[2Rocky]

So we are coming up on the part of the year where there are a lot of events, historically I'd attend with my former spouse. We are talking 20 years of going as a couple. Last year we skipped due to our "troubles".

Now I was always the more social one, since I work in the community. There were plenty of other events I'd attend that she (XW) wanted nothing to do with. But there are a couple "Dinner-Dance" events that were annual events.

My LD SO will be my date for one of them in a couple months when she visits. But there is another fundraiser before then that I will probably skip just to avoid the whole relationship drama that may occur after 20 years.

You know the whole "What? you guys are divorced?" from the people who don't know. Or the platonic female friends who might be concerned I'm going to try to get out of the friend zone.

The other thing is in 2 months when I have my LD SO as my date, she isn't going to know anyone in that social circle. I almost feel like I need to be out in the community, showing that the one relationship is done, before the "new" one is introduced. I don't want to announce it on Facebook, but there has got to be a way that I can at least make sure people know "Yeah we are not married anymore..." There is 20 years of history to undo.

I introduced my new SO to a friend who didn't know about the split, and that was awkward. Apparently she didn't notice the absence of a wedding ring over the last year...

[sasad]

So we are coming up on the part of the year where there are a lot of events, historically I'd attend with my former spouse. We are talking 20 years of going as a couple. Last year we skipped due to our "troubles".

Now I was always the more social one, since I work in the community. There were plenty of other events I'd attend that she (XW) wanted nothing to do with. But there are a couple "Dinner-Dance" events that were annual events.

My LD SO will be my date for one of them in a couple months when she visits. But there is another fundraiser before then that I will probably skip just to avoid the whole relationship drama that may occur after 20 years.

You know the whole "What? you guys are divorced?" from the people who don't know. Or the platonic female friends who might be concerned I'm going to try to get out of the friend zone.

The other thing is in 2 months when I have my LD SO as my date, she isn't going to know anyone in that social circle. I almost feel like I need to be out in the community, showing that the one relationship is done, before the "new" one is introduced. I don't want to announce it on Facebook, but there has got to be a way that I can at least make sure people know "Yeah we are not married anymore..." There is 20 years of history to undo.

I introduced my new SO to a friend who didn't know about the split, and that was awkward. Apparently she didn't notice the absence of a wedding ring over the last year...

Don't stress about it... cuz
A) Its no one else's business
B) What does it matter?

Its all what you make it.. Just be short and blunt.. If people are wanting to ask questions. YOU are in control of the answers. A simple,she is my ( fill in the blank) and yes, we divorced a year ago, and move on. If your ex will be there, and is totally in the dark about stuff ( i think you have kids?) Then that may be a little awkward. You cant undo 20 years of history. There is no need to. Its history and needs to stay in the past.

I introduce my SO as my boyfriend. I was married 14 years. Unfortunately, divorce is more common then it should be.

[Sparkling72]

I get it.. I was married for 20 yrs and had similar work functions. The year we split, I attended functions with my kids. It is awkward at first and people don't know how to react. Many wanted to apologize, and I would simply say, oh please, congratulate me, I'm doing great and I'm very happy with my life right now. That always seemed to shut most people up. This year, I was more than happy to parade SO around, mainly b/c he's awesome and way hot in my eyes LOL. But, the thing you should be most concerned about is how your new SO will feel if you don't take her with you deliberately to avoid having to talk about anything. I completely understand wanting to not deal with it, believe me! But on a similar note, the first time I got to meet some of SO's friends or be with him in public where he lived... I was very excited to meet people and then he was very awkward about it. Only introduced me by name, not this is my girlfriend, just this is Lisa. And then people had no idea what to think what I was. Yes, that was not a fun trip and I let him have it. He said he was trying to be sensitive to other people and not make things weird, but it was the exact opposite. So, speaking from the other side of the table on this one... walk with your new SO on your arm and be proud to have her at your side. Her opinion matters, period. It took my SO a while to live it down b/c he was so worried about what other people thought, he didn't realize he was hurting me in the process. Of course, he doesn't do it anymore and he's more than happy to tell the world.

So, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you're not proud to walk with your new SO on your side.. I am just saying look at it though her eyes and feelings because all those people won't lose a second of sleep over you or your situation, but she will.

[2Rocky]

Last visit I took her to a holiday party put on by one of my friends and introduced her as my girlfriend. She expressed her appreciation for that. That was part of my social circle, and these other events are a different Social circle that doesn't overlap with those folks.

She won't be here for the first dinner dance (over 21 crowd). That kinda takes the sparkle out of the event for me. It's the Weekend before V-Day and all...

But the one in April, I plan to have her out and about in all her glory.

[Sparkling72]

Last visit I took her to a holiday party put on by one of my friends and introduced her as my girlfriend. She expressed her appreciation for that. That was part of my social circle, and these other events are a different Social circle that doesn't overlap with those folks.

She won't be here for the first dinner dance (over 21 crowd). That kinda takes the sparkle out of the event for me. It's the Weekend before V-Day and all...

But the one in April, I plan to have her out and about in all her glory.

That's awesome! and I hope you didn't think I was trying to put it down in anyway... I was only conveying my personal experience with worried guy , being new SO's and being the girl

[Chris516]

So we are coming up on the part of the year where there are a lot of events, historically I'd attend with my former spouse. We are talking 20 years of going as a couple. Last year we skipped due to our "troubles".

Now I was always the more social one, since I work in the community. There were plenty of other events I'd attend that she (XW) wanted nothing to do with. But there are a couple "Dinner-Dance" events that were annual events.

My LD SO will be my date for one of them in a couple months when she visits. But there is another fundraiser before then that I will probably skip just to avoid the whole relationship drama that may occur after 20 years.

You know the whole "What? you guys are divorced?" from the people who don't know. Or the platonic female friends who might be concerned I'm going to try to get out of the friend zone.

The other thing is in 2 months when I have my LD SO as my date, she isn't going to know anyone in that social circle. I almost feel like I need to be out in the community, showing that the one relationship is done, before the "new" one is introduced. I don't want to announce it on Facebook, but there has got to be a way that I can at least make sure people know "Yeah we are not married anymore..." There is 20 years of history to undo.

I introduced my new SO to a friend who didn't know about the split, and that was awkward. Apparently she didn't notice the absence of a wedding ring over the last year...

Well, 20yrs. of memories, good and bad. That belongs in one box, and now is time for a new box of memories.

[2Rocky]

So this Last Weekend, my SO sat in the stands while I coached a basketball game. My daughter is on the team, so my Ex and my parents were there.

I enlisted a close female friend who had met my SO to sit with her and act as a buffer while I was on the sidelines. She was a lifesaver. During the game my family (who had not met her yet) ignored her, and didn't say anything to my female friend. Not sure if they didn't recognize her or just didn't see her.

After the game I took ML to my parents house for a brief greeting and it was cordial. She said hello to my two daughters briefly. So notice has been given, and they all have a face to go with a name.

The Ex and she have not been introduced yet. But I'm sure my ex has made the connection. I'm going to leave it up to her if she wants to be introduced. As introverted as my ex is, I'd be surprised if she had the cajones to engage...

I'm trying to help my SO build a network, and I think we have a good group of women she can relate to.

Next trip is in April. Her High school age kids will be coming to see their father , and I've invited them to the house for a night to get to know more about me. They are in favor of that. If it goes well that could speed up the timeline of them moving to my part of the country. (I can only hope)