30+ First Relationship after a Divorce

[Spassini]

Hello,
I'm new to the forum and to LDRs really. I am divorced after a 3 year marriage and decided to take a leap and join a dating site. I met someone who is very sweet, but he lives 100 miles away. We have met 3 times, and he is even coming up by me for Valentine's Day to spend a few days with me. I am just having some issues with myself regarding trust. How often do you speak with your SO on the phone vs texting? Everyday? Is it ok to not talk on the phone everyday? If I don't talk to him, I almost feel like I'm wondering what he's doing or if he is seeing someone else. It could very well be just my insecurities, which is not a good thing. But I really would like for this to work out! Anyone in the same situation???

[R&R]

Hello,
I'm new to the forum and to LDRs really. I am divorced after a 3 year marriage and decided to take a leap and join a dating site. I met someone who is very sweet, but he lives 100 miles away. We have met 3 times, and he is even coming up by me for Valentine's Day to spend a few days with me. I am just having some issues with myself regarding trust. How often do you speak with your SO on the phone vs texting? Everyday? Is it ok to not talk on the phone everyday? If I don't talk to him, I almost feel like I'm wondering what he's doing or if he is seeing someone else. It could very well be just my insecurities, which is not a good thing. But I really would like for this to work out! Anyone in the same situation???

Welcome to LFAD.

An important thing to remember is that your relationship is yours and no one else's. It's what you and you SO decide works for you and both are comfortable with. There are people who must talk on the phone daily or multiple times a day while others are okay with talking every few days and a text here and there. The two of you will decide together what works for you based on schedules and what you find is enough.

As far as trust - you have to trust your SO whether you live in different countries or the same house. I mean, how many people do you know that lived in the same house or were married and had a partner who cheated? Distance doesn't make a difference really - it's all about the person.

You are also in a great situation where 100 miles really isn't all that far. My daugthers and I will drive more than that in a day just to go hang out at one of our favorite places in Northern NH. You are in a situation where you can realistically see each other frequently and that's great!! (My SO lives in IN also, but it's 1,000 miles one way for me LOL.) I would say to take advantage of being able to see each other when you can. Also, meeting each other at half-way marks can make it more fun to explore places maybe neither of you would visit otherwise. Have fun getting to know each other and go on mini-day trip or weekend adventures!

[Spassini]

Thank you so much for your response! I think this week when he is up here we will have to have a talk about what we think is enough communication. He works crazy hours (sometimes 16 hours a day) and I know he is just really tired at the end of the day. I just don't want to become overbearing and have him push away from me. It's like I forgot how to be in a relationship...

[Sun_King]

Thank you so much for your response! I think this week when he is up here we will have to have a talk about what we think is enough communication. He works crazy hours (sometimes 16 hours a day) and I know he is just really tired at the end of the day. I just don't want to become overbearing and have him push away from me. It's like I forgot how to be in a relationship...

Welcome to the forums. Indeed you are fortunate it's only 100 miles. If I could I'd attempt to go see my SO every weekend or every other at such length. Have fun on Valentines and beyond. And no worries, this is my first and only romantic relationship (by choice), so we're all learning, even those of us anywhere between five to twenty years in. Best wishes.

[R&R]

Thank you so much for your response! I think this week when he is up here we will have to have a talk about what we think is enough communication. He works crazy hours (sometimes 16 hours a day) and I know he is just really tired at the end of the day. I just don't want to become overbearing and have him push away from me. It's like I forgot how to be in a relationship...

I feel your pain! My SO currently has been working for a relative, but as soon as it warms up he'll be back doing his own business. He leaves by 7am and sometimes doesn't get back until midnight. I learned that he reaches out when he can and I'll text him randomly during the day. We're both okay with pretty minimal communication, so that's helpful. I was his first relationship after 10 years of him not being in one and when I was visiting him, he even said he'd forgotten what it was like to date and he felt like he was doing everything wrong. Needless to say, any new relationship is a learning experience.

[Spassini]

Thank you. The other issue is that he has a daughter that he gets every other weekend...and his work schedule causes him to work every other weekend. So he is working this weekend, is off Monday Tuesday, works, wed thurs, then is off fri, sat, sun, but has his daughter. So that is the issue that we are running into currently. In the 5 weeks that we have been talking, we have been able to see each other three times. All three times in the middle of the week, which i guess is better than nothing. I am looking forward to tomorrow and Tuesday because we will get two uninterrupted days together.

[Chris516]

Hello,
I'm new to the forum and to LDRs really. I am divorced after a 3 year marriage and decided to take a leap and join a dating site. I met someone who is very sweet, but he lives 100 miles away. We have met 3 times, and he is even coming up by me for Valentine's Day to spend a few days with me. I am just having some issues with myself regarding trust. How often do you speak with your SO on the phone vs texting? Everyday? Is it ok to not talk on the phone everyday? If I don't talk to him, I almost feel like I'm wondering what he's doing or if he is seeing someone else. It could very well be just my insecurities, which is not a good thing. But I really would like for this to work out! Anyone in the same situation???

I speak to my SO daily, when I can. There have been a few times where I didn't call her for one day, or two days straight. But I try not to make a habit of missing a day. We don't text.