My BF and I have been dating for 6 months (4.5 we were actually together, 1.5 months LDR). I have always trusted him and in truth there has never been any reason not to. I really like this guy and always considered our bond to be deep and sincere. Recently though we were having a random conversation and to cut a long story short, the question of "if an ex contacted you, would you think it necessary to tell your current partner about it" and bot of us were of the opinion that it's not essential. That's not what bothers me at all. I don't have jealousy issues and a short conversation with an ex from time to time doesn't really bother me at all.
What bothered me was this: he said that in a hypothetical situation (and don't ask me how we got to this topic because the nature of our conversations are such that we tend to talk literally EVERYthing...lol) where, if I were a jealous gf, and if I insisted that he should tell me every time an ex contacted him and the details of the conversation, what he would do was to agree with me that he'd tell me, but in reality when that happened that he wouldn't because "what you don't know doesn't hurt you" and because he knows himself and he knows that he won't cheat emotionally or physically, he doesn't see the need to leave room for drama.
This honestly shook me because I felt it was dishonest and unfair. If I were that type of gf, regardless of the fact that I may be jealous and controlling I think an honest partner's response would be to frankly say "hey I can't agree to that because I feel like that is overly controlling" and then allow the gf to make the choice as to whether the relationship works for her or not. Because promising to do one thing and then doing something else in an underhand manner is a surefire way- if the other partner ever finds out even by accident- to destroy all trust altogether. Why promise something (that you know is important to your partner) knowing that you're not going to do it? Why not be honest from the start that that's something you're not comfortable doing?
Now it has made me question every single thing he's said and done. Like what if, all this time he's just been saying and doing things that he thinks I want to hear?
On the other hand from what I've seen of his actions, and other conversations, he seemed to be very honest and genuine and he's told me the truth about many things. So I honestly don't know what to think. How would you feel about this situation if it were you?
What bothered me was this: he said that in a hypothetical situation (and don't ask me how we got to this topic because the nature of our conversations are such that we tend to talk literally EVERYthing...lol) where, if I were a jealous gf, and if I insisted that he should tell me every time an ex contacted him and the details of the conversation, what he would do was to agree with me that he'd tell me, but in reality when that happened that he wouldn't because "what you don't know doesn't hurt you" and because he knows himself and he knows that he won't cheat emotionally or physically, he doesn't see the need to leave room for drama.
This honestly shook me because I felt it was dishonest and unfair. If I were that type of gf, regardless of the fact that I may be jealous and controlling I think an honest partner's response would be to frankly say "hey I can't agree to that because I feel like that is overly controlling" and then allow the gf to make the choice as to whether the relationship works for her or not. Because promising to do one thing and then doing something else in an underhand manner is a surefire way- if the other partner ever finds out even by accident- to destroy all trust altogether. Why promise something (that you know is important to your partner) knowing that you're not going to do it? Why not be honest from the start that that's something you're not comfortable doing?
Now it has made me question every single thing he's said and done. Like what if, all this time he's just been saying and doing things that he thinks I want to hear?
On the other hand from what I've seen of his actions, and other conversations, he seemed to be very honest and genuine and he's told me the truth about many things. So I honestly don't know what to think. How would you feel about this situation if it were you?
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