30+ A Little Nervous to Almost be in an LDR at 35

[VirgoCutie81]

Hello everyone. This is my very first post, but came across this website as a result of looking for advice on LDRs. Here's my situation:

I'm 35 years old and have found myself seriously liking this gentleman (also 35 years old) I met online back in November 2016. I'm in South Carolina and at the time he was in Georgia. Being new to online dating, I was very cautious about the whole process. But over time, we exchanged numbers, e-mail, added each other on FB, and other forms of social media. Due to circumstances beyond his control, we lost contact for about a month and a half, but were able to reconnect in March. Since reconnecting, we have communicated daily. Unfortunately, he got a job opportunity in Texas which he could not pass up, and that has put him further away. While he was closer, we just never got the opportunity to meet face-to-face due to my heavy work schedule and personal issues that he had to deal with.

Since he's moved, our daily conversation has not stopped, we still send random text messages to one another throughout the day, and he is literally the first person I talk to in the morning, and the last one I talk to at night. It doesn't even matter who contacts who first. The reason I'm posting this is that I cannot believe that at my age I'm feeling like this. We haven't said anything about officially being in a LDR, but Lord if you could see our text messages and hear our phone conversations, you'd think we were. We've already discussed me flying out to see him this summer, and the ease in which I feel comfortable doing this is something I wouldn't normally do. This is not like me AT ALL and that's how I know I really like him.

For those who took the time to read this (thank you by the way), I'd just like to know if anyone has ever questioned themselves on whether it's a good idea to be in a LDR in their 30s? Again, we have not officially stated that we are in a LDR, but I honestly feel like it's headed that way and the conversation will be coming up soon. To be honest, I'm already a little bit worried of how I'm going to explain this potential LDR to my family and friends. Any insight would be greatly appreciated!

[Lio]

I am not 30 yet but in September 2014, I fell in love and got into a LDR with someone of your age. It was very different from your current situation, as I was 11 years younger and we lived in different continents. The fact that it was a LDR didn't bother her. It ended because she thought she wasn't doing the right thing for the both of us, but despite that, the long distance was not a problem to her.

So I believe that it's not a problem to be in a LDR at your age (which is also his age as you stated). Some members here are in their 30s and/or older and are in a LDR, some others closed the distance. And whatever your family and your friends think, what matters is you feel he's the right one for you and you're happy with him.

[R&R]

Welcome to LFAD.

I was 30 when in my first LDR. I've been in a few since that time. My SO and I have been together about 3 1/2 years and we will both be 47 this year. We also got married last November even though we are still in two different states. Don't worry, not just college kids or those in their 20's get involved in LDR's.

LDR's aren't that uncommon, especially with today's technology. And think about it, how many of our parents or grandparents were in LDR's when one or both went off to college or one of them joined the military? And they only had letters and phone calls at that time. So I usually put it into perspective like that. In the end, you really don't have to explain yourself to anyone. This is the situation and this is how it works and that's the end of that.

[erwin1973]

I was 29 when I started my first LDR. I was 43 when I started my second LDR. My lady is 33.

[2Rocky]

I'll be honest, my LDR started out as a fling. We knew we liked talking to each other for 3 months, but when we got together after that, the sparks flew. We had the chance to say "Well that was nice, have a nice life" and go our separate ways. But something kept us making another date.

It's the face to face time together that makes the distance worthwhile though. It is making the time apart tougher as we have passed the one year mark since our first kiss. After eight or nine "Dates" from 19 hours to 8 days, we have both agreed that her coming to me to close the distance is the ultimate goal. Just kids and career options for her are the sticking points to making that happen.

It is my opinion that you don't REALLY have an LDR until you meet in person the first time. So much compatibility is how you touch, smell, kiss, sleep, eat and interact together.

Were I in your shoes, I'd have an in person date ASAP. Then you know if you have a relationship or a penpal.

If the cost of travel has you intimidated, think about what having a nice dinner date every week would rack up. Charleston to Dallas is a $440 flight. Split the cost if you have to. If it is worth it, you will find a way. Finding cheap flight deals is a fun hobby too.

[VirgoCutie81]

Thank you Lio for your insight. Even though our situations are a little bit different, I still found your response very helpful. I've been reading a few of the threads in this 30+ group and it has definitely opened by eyes to some things that I'll need to take into consideration. Since I'm so open to this, I'm trying to go in optimistic and see what happens. Thank you again and the best of luck to you!

[VirgoCutie81]

R&R: Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and welcoming me to LFAD. In my mind I know that many people are in LDRs. It just feels a little different when you may find yourself in such a situation. I work in a profession in which I see a lot of LDR marriages, so this concept is not foreign to me. Obviously, I am no where near ready to even start thinking about this, but I understand where you're coming from.

You really brought up a good point in regards to how are parents & grandparents handled LDRs. I really never put it into perspective like that. With everything else, I take on the attitude of "you can't please everyone." I guess why those thoughts of what others may think of my potential LDR is due to the fact that this is new for me and I'm just wondering what the responses may be. As time progresses, we'll see how it goes. Thanks again!

[VirgoCutie81]

I'll be honest, my LDR started out as a fling. We knew we liked talking to each other for 3 months, but when we got together after that, the sparks flew. We had the chance to say "Well that was nice, have a nice life" and go our separate ways. But something kept us making another date.

It's the face to face time together that makes the distance worthwhile though. It is making the time apart tougher as we have passed the one year mark since our first kiss. After eight or nine "Dates" from 19 hours to 8 days, we have both agreed that her coming to me to close the distance is the ultimate goal. Just kids and career options for her are the sticking points to making that happen.

It is my opinion that you don't REALLY have an LDR until you meet in person the first time. So much compatibility is how you touch, smell, kiss, sleep, eat and interact together.

Were I in your shoes, I'd have an in person date ASAP. Then you know if you have a relationship or a penpal.

If the cost of travel has you intimidated, think about what having a nice dinner date every week would rack up. Charleston to Dallas is a $440 flight. Split the cost if you have to. If it is worth it, you will find a way. Finding cheap flight deals is a fun hobby too.

2Rocky: I think I finally figured out how to post responses correctly...lol. You really gave me a lot to think about and I truly appreciate your insights. My job allows me to have quite a bit of time off for the summer, so I am thinking of taking a trip in July or August. I actually have looked up flights (and we discussed this on the phone last night ironically), and it's not that unreasonable. I was looking ahead and actually found a roundtrip ticket for $216. I was going in with the mindset of "We need to be official first before I book ANY flights." However, I see the advantages of what you suggested in meeting in person first and seeing if what we've been building on is real and worth pursuing. This would literally be me stepping out on faith and is not anything that the "old me" would do. We'll see how it goes and hopefully I'll be able to share some positive news in the future. Thank you again!

[2Rocky]

You have to go into that first meeting like its a first date. No expectations, and just live in the moment.

If it clicks, after a few meetings, you look forward to that monthly honeymoon. But the time apart gets tougher.

In all seriousness, I'd recommend a few dates with people close by to "calibrate your meter" before you meet your man. Coffee and conversation. Find what you like and don't like about people. It doesn't have to be a relationship, just a point of reference. It is pretty freeing when you can let someone go because they aren't good enough for you , and you can be discerning.

[Sparkling72]

Welcome to LFAD!

I'm 44 and met my SO online as well. We had a lot of online and phone/skype contact and finally met in person early last year. It was nothing like I hoped it would be - it was WAY better! I had zero expectations. I went with the assumption I was going to see my good friend and fell in love. I believe that LDRs are more common than we initially think, especially with today's technology.

Rocky gave very good advice (he usually does lol) If you're as into him as you seem to be, then you have to just do it sooner than later if you can financially. Go in like I did, with zero expectations and assume you're going to meet the friend you have been talking to this whole time. Keep in mind, he's still the same guy you talk to every day...

[VirgoCutie81]

You have to go into that first meeting like its a first date. No expectations, and just live in the moment.

If it clicks, after a few meetings, you look forward to that monthly honeymoon. But the time apart gets tougher.

In all seriousness, I'd recommend a few dates with people close by to "calibrate your meter" before you meet your man. Coffee and conversation. Find what you like and don't like about people. It doesn't have to be a relationship, just a point of reference. It is pretty freeing when you can let someone go because they aren't good enough for you , and you can be discerning.

Have you considered writing a book/ebook on this topic? You really have shared some great suggestions that I would have never taken into consideration. I'm such an analytical and "by the book" person, so you can probably imagine how all of this is unchartered territory for me. Please know that I am taking the suggestions I've read on here thus far to heart, because it's really helping me to put this whole situation into perspective. For someone who loves order, schedules, and details, it's taking a lot for me to get use to the unknowns. I'll just continue to take it day by day and go about my regular routine. We'll see what the summer brings.

[VirgoCutie81]

Welcome to LFAD!

I'm 44 and met my SO online as well. We had a lot of online and phone/skype contact and finally met in person early last year. It was nothing like I hoped it would be - it was WAY better! I had zero expectations. I went with the assumption I was going to see my good friend and fell in love. I believe that LDRs are more common than we initially think, especially with today's technology.

Rocky gave very good advice (he usually does lol) If you're as into him as you seem to be, then you have to just do it sooner than later if you can financially. Go in like I did, with zero expectations and assume you're going to meet the friend you have been talking to this whole time. Keep in mind, he's still the same guy you talk to every day...

Thank you so much for welcoming me to the group. I'm starting to see a running theme of not going in with rose colored lenses. When I plan this trip, it seems like it would be best to plan this as a weekend getaway and it's just a coincidence that I'm meeting someone that I've been communicating with for a while. That way if it doesn't work out, I won't be bummed for the remaining part of the trip, can still hit up some tourists spots, and get some much needed rest. I wish I could get out there earlier, but job commitments will prevent me from doing that.

It's so interesting to read everyone's story and I must say that it has helped me to feel a little bit more comfortable with this situation. Whoever started this 30+ subgroup should be commended. I'm still amazed by the number of people who are in this group and the situations that they've endured. As long as we're both interested, the texts & calls will continue until I can fly out this summer.