30+ Dealing with the personal stuff

[2Rocky]

We all have things we have to deal with that we don't either 1) want our LDSO to be bothered with or 2) it is none of our LDSO's business or 3) Would cause unnecessary worry on our LDSO's part.

How do you handle this?

Do you tell your LDSO that "these things are things I'm going to deal with on my own and not discuss with you"? or vice versa "This is YOUR stuff to deal with leave me out of it"?

Do you not bring up the topic at all?

Neither of these are ideal from a communication perspective, so how do you deal with your stuff, without having it spill over into your relationship?

and Vice Versa, How do you not let your partners personal issues that aren't your problem or your business not get to you?

What sort of personal issues require you to keep your SO in the loop? ie Financial, Health, Professional, etc.

I think we can have a good discussion on THAT...

[kittyxuchiha11]

Oh boy, this is a great one for SO and I because we have such busy separate lives that neither of us are either completely in the loop of each others life. As far as dealing with our own issues go, we try deal with them as much as possible on our own and if it really starts to effect us and stops us communicating as much we send a message simply saying hey i have some things i need to take care of myself so i wont talk much sorry. It's probably because we both have mental health issues and understand the importance of taking time to ourselves to sort stuff out that we're so open about this. I find it's fine to have a bit of a moan about an issue to SO as long as it isn't too massive and as long as you know it won't really worry your SO.

For instance, my gran is in hospital right now and while i was visiting SO she was transferred to a Hospice because they thought she was definitely going to die. Obviously she didn't so she's back in just a normal hospital now and my SO knows this because i read out the message i got about it when she was in the room, and gave her an update on it when i got home. This isn't anything i expect her to get really worried about because it's my personal issue and you know people die she can't do anything about that. Her gran is also in hospital just now and it's the same for me, sure i can feel bad for her and be there for her if she needs me, but until then it's her issue she has to deal with and i can't do anything about it.

It's good to be there for you SO and to let them vent to you and vice versa, but there needs to be a fine line between your life and their life. They may have all the personal problems in the world but worrying and them for them isn't doing anyone any good for anyone. You still have your own life to live and your own issues to deal with, it's fine to be there for your SO when they need you as a support but a whole other thing to be so deeply invested in their life that in consumes your own.

[rache82]

Simple answer to this. There's absolutely nothing I won't keep from my SO and viceversa. Perhaps it's like this so soon because we've been friends for nineteen years before we got together.
But honestly the way I see it is, partners share everything with each other; it's a partnership; we're in it together.
I think it seems to depend on the person a little though.

[Evylania]

Both my SO and I are really open about this "personal stuff". We would just send a message saying we have to deal with something, the other would just assure he/she is here if needed and then here it goes. Most of the time, we talk about it when it's resolved.
At the beginning, we wanted to share everything but I was trying to be more supportive than needed and it ended up in a lil argument about the fact I couldn't make everything right, that he needed to deal himself with some stuff and all.
But now we communicate easily about it and give each other space and time whenever it's needed.

[differentcountries]

I dont like to keep anything from SO as such. But some things are a bit too conplicated to explain in every detail late at night when he is funished with with his shift. I give him about 90 %.

[snow]

There are different levels and I get what OP means. Of course if your SO comes to you with an issue, it is kind of your job to listen, but there are things you don't need to hear because they don't matter - like work drama that happens in EVERY job.

My husband doesn't like to hear about job related stuff unless it is serious, because we all like to rant about work. He keeps work at work and I try to unless it affects me outside of work, like the fact that my co-worker is giving me such bad anxiety that I cannot sleep at night so I did talk to him about that. He simply told me that he'd like it if I kept work at work and just be with him at home when I get home.

But I do think that if something is bothering your SO, you should listen, even if it is boring to you or you don't really think it matters, sometimes they just need to get it out.

[Theurgist]

My opinion is that healthy boundaries are an essential part of every relationship - romantic or otherwise. I have been meaning to write an essay on this topic for the better part of a month, but I'll probably get around to it this week. I'll try, anyhow.

My approach to this is to give my SO a general rundown on what's going on and then I'll ask her to allow me to handle the situation. This way she knows what's going on in general terms and is more understanding, if I get stressed or frustrated. I don't have to explain myself further, if I can handle the situation within a reasonable time frame.

Of course, if she asks then I'll tell her, but my opinion is that trust is a major component in every healthy relationship. She trusts me to handle my own stuff and I trust her the same way.

[erwin1973]

Simple answer to this. There's absolutely nothing I won't keep from my SO and viceversa. Perhaps it's like this so soon because we've been friends for nineteen years before we got together.
But honestly the way I see it is, partners share everything with each other; it's a partnership; we're in it together.
I think it seems to depend on the person a little though.

I fully agree with this. I tell her anything that happens here, good and bad, and so does my lady. But then, we feel it if something is going on (even without chatting we already know). So it's difficult to hide something. :P