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My boyfriend has recently changed his behavior, and kids are involved-help?!

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    #1

    30+ My boyfriend has recently changed his behavior, and kids are involved-help?!

    Hi everyone! I am new to this forum and I am new to long distance relationships. I met my boyfriend a few months before he was offered a job overseas for 6 months. He asked my opinion immediately and we agreed to make it work. We have kids from prior relationships, but talked thoroughly about how we wanted this to work and so we introduced our kids and families. Our daughters from previous relationships have really bonded and we agreed to keep their time together(through grandparents) constant since he was going to be away from his daughter for 6 months. We both agreed to this, as we both saw a future, and wanted to reunite after he returned. Since he has been gone I have built a relationship with his parents and his daughter. My daughters are also involved and enjoy favetiming him as well. Last week everything was normal. We talked everyday, even if just through text or email. (We have a 12 hour time difference, so schedules are crazy and we have to be flexible)

    It has now been a week since we have facetimed. He doesn't respond to messages except very bland statements. Which isn't like him at all. He says he is having a hard time and feel emotionless being so distant from everyone. In this past week I've received 3 very short texts and he doesn't answer back when I send him updates. Something is not ok, but I've made it clear that I'm here to support him and I miss him like crazy. No response. I think he could be severely depressed, and shutting me out? But I have no clue what to do. I told him I would give him time to think if that's what he needed and since then haven't heard a thing. This is very out of character for him and I want to be supportive, but I feel so alone because he doesn't even respond or try to contact me lately. I am so sad and hurt. I don't know what to do. I love him very much, and I want to make it work. Just wondering if anyone had a similar experience or any advice for me? I feel so alone...
    Thank you so much!
    Tags: advice needed
    #2
    I think all you can do is keep supporting him. Don't make it into a competition about who texts the most or who initiates contact the most. He's said he's having a hard time so you have to believe that. 6-months at least has an end date to it, it isn't forever so he will be back before you both know it.

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      #3
      He told you:

      He says he is having a hard time and feel emotionless being so distant from everyone.

      He is in a new place, different surroundings, new people, perhaps his job or/and language is new...a lot to take in.

      My suggestion is just to tell him that you think about him. Be there in his life like a constant and dont expect too much from him at this time (I am not saying ever, just not now).

      Yes, it may be depression or a reaction like it. If so, there is little to do about it as of now, especially since he is stationed so short.

      SO had something that I dont think he really remembers now, but that I think of as a reactive depression. This was a bit over a year ago. He was being really short with me over the distance, and even parts of a visit. I thought it was his job at the time, so I made him leave his job (change jobs) and his mood has been much better since.

      Are you going to have a visit during these 6 months?
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by 80anthea View Post
        I think all you can do is keep supporting him. Don't make it into a competition about who texts the most or who initiates contact the most. He's said he's having a hard time so you have to believe that. 6-months at least has an end date to it, it isn't forever so he will be back before you both know it.
        I agree. Thank you for responding. I have let him know I am here for him when he is ready to talk. I can only hope he reaches out soon

        Comment

          #5
          Also, just some more info. He is in Taiwan, and I am in the United States.
          Last edited by Cristalena49; May 26, 2017, 12:57 PM.

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
            He told you:

            He says he is having a hard time and feel emotionless being so distant from everyone.

            He is in a new place, different surroundings, new people, perhaps his job or/and language is new...a lot to take in.

            My suggestion is just to tell him that you think about him. Be there in his life like a constant and dont expect too much from him at this time (I am not saying ever, just not now).

            Yes, it may be depression or a reaction like it. If so, there is little to do about it as of now, especially since he is stationed so short.

            SO had something that I dont think he really remembers now, but that I think of as a reactive depression. This was a bit over a year ago. He was being really short with me over the distance, and even parts of a visit. I thought it was his job at the time, so I made him leave his job (change jobs) and his mood has been much better since.

            Are you going to have a visit during these 6 months?
            Thank you for responding! Well, yes we had planned on me going out there for two weeks this summer. A couple weeks ago he purchased the ticket, but accidentally had the return date wrong. The airline wouldnt let him change just the return flight, so he had to cancel the whole round trip and wait for a refund to repurchase the round trip with the correct dates. Since he has been distant, now it has been 3 days with no contact, not even a text, I have asked about the ticket but he hasnt answered me. So I have just backed off telling him Im here when he is ready, but I am stressing a little being that I have already made plans for my children for when I was going to be away. I really hope he lets me know something soon, because I think seeing each other will definitely help this whole situation.

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by Cristalena49 View Post
              Thank you for responding! Well, yes we had planned on me going out there for two weeks this summer. A couple weeks ago he purchased the ticket, but accidentally had the return date wrong. The airline wouldnt let him change just the return flight, so he had to cancel the whole round trip and wait for a refund to repurchase the round trip with the correct dates. Since he has been distant, now it has been 3 days with no contact, not even a text, I have asked about the ticket but he hasnt answered me. So I have just backed off telling him Im here when he is ready, but I am stressing a little being that I have already made plans for my children for when I was going to be away. I really hope he lets me know something soon, because I think seeing each other will definitely help this whole situation.
              That sounds like a pickle. Hopefully he/you can use a credit card to book or get the refund from the airline soon.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

              Comment

                #8
                I can totally understand why this would upset you/worry you, but it sounds like he is very stressed and going through a hard time, he even said so. He's in a strange place by himself with no loved ones around him for 6 months, that's enough to make anybody homesick. Perhaps he doesn't want to burden you when you are so far away. It sounds like he loves you a lot so try not to take it to heart. I'm sure he will open up to you soon enough, sometimes guys take a while to do that.

                Comment

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