30+ Advise I think it is over

[619]

Hello great people out there. I didn't know where to turn and my friends don't understand. Hoping to gain some insight from others in LDR.

I met an incredible man, we emailed back and forth daily for about 3 months. That lead to texting, talking on the phone and Skyped for another 4 months daily and decided to meet. I came to his town and he paid half for the airfare. We had a wonderful week. I met all of his friends and coworkers. We spend about ever minute together and had such an awesome time (at least from my point of view). It was the perfect week, if he lived in my town he is someone I would date in a moment.

I have been back for 3 days now and pretty much missing him something awful. Communications have been less since getting back, just a few texts. I don't know what to say other then I miss him, yada yada. Finally last night I just wanted to know what he was thinking and asked him about what we were. He said he was not sure how this could work because of the distance. I agree with him and I asked if he would be willing to try to figure it out. There was really no definite answer from him. So I asked him to think about it and get back to me.

My confusion is if he had asked me the same question I would not hesitate and would have said lets figure it out and get to know each other more. I'm still waiting for him to respond to the question. He has texted me stilly little things but nothing about if he wants to try us or not. It has been less then 24 hours, since I asked what he wanted but I just feel like if he was into me it would not talk this long.

The limbo is making me crazy and I just want to begin the process of moving on if he is not interested.

Advise? Give him more time or just move on?
What would you do? To me it is not looking good and I don't want to have hope when the signs to me are pointing at no chance.

[erwin1973]

Being in an LDR is hard. Some people cope better with the distance then others. The time just after a meeting is the hardest. That can lead to post-meeting-blues or however you want to call it. It looks like you both are suffering from that. If you want to know if he needs time to think, than it's best to ask him, although I myself am not a big fan of 'breaks', because I think that especially in an LDR you need to keep up the communication - since that is all you have.

He is not you. That you would have said something different than he did, doesn't mean anything except you're different (at least in this). May be you could turn around the conversation by - for instance - asking him what he liked the best about the meeting. Bring up the good things in a conversation. If he really loves you and he sees you are still wanting him, he might get over it quicker. And you too. Plan a new meeting, when all feels good. Show him, that when he feels down, you're there for him.

It is true, sadly, that not everyone can deal with an LDR, and again, the time short after a meeting is the hardest. May be he is really depressed and he has no-one to ask, either.

On the other hand, if he has really given up, he should be man enough to tell you. I don't know if he did give up or is just missing you dearly. Only you can find out.

Good luck and stay strong. Sometimes one has to be strong for two...

[Tenebrae]

I agree with Erwin that it can be hard. Communications can also be a mixed blessing. My girlfriend has a gruelling schedule and often cannot text (and usually cannot call), and when she does text she sometimes must send brief messages only. I am always wondering if she is still there for me, does she still love me, etc. Most of this is my insecurity talking, or at least it has been so far.

If some new pattern is making you particularly insecure, if it doesn't correct by itself than it is probably best to keep asking point blank. Explain you have noticed a difference and ask if anything has changed with him. Explain that you need reassurance or else a straight answer that he has reservations or has changed his mind. I would guess a lack of answer to this would in itself be an answer.

Best of luck--you are in my thoughts.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

I feel where you are coming from and him keeping you hanging isn't fair. The long distance guy and I met up a few times, after he visited me where I live, he said some concerning things and the communication changed quite a lot. All I wanted from him was the truth, not excuses. He ended up dumping me because I went a tad it crazy trying to figure out what the heck was going on. Whenever I have had a guy make excuses for why a relationship won't work, that has always led to us not working out. I wish you luck, but prepare for the worst. Give it a few days and ask him, if he continues being cold, move on.