So I have been involved with an online LDR for close to 7 months now. Last Thursday, she ended it saying the distance is bothering her too much. She wants to be able to kiss me, make dinner and do everything but can not this way. This is making her cry and feel terrible. So, after a few days, we began to talk again. This is all very complicated. All along she was hot and cold. I am struggling with all of this and why I am here. I am not sure this can be fixed this time.
-
-
In my history when a girl is, in your words "hot and cold" she's probably a good one to stay away from. JM2cents but that personality trait would still be there if and when you were to live together. -
I disagree. I think if you polled most of us you would see the majority of us have experienced the same thing. It feels hopless sometimes. I remember telling my husband the same thing. I want to do "normal" things. And there were several times I gave up. But he lovede.enpuhj to NOT give up, and I loved him twice as much. We made it. It's possible. Have a PLAN. Make regular Skype dates to watch a movie or eat dinner together. It can be semi normal. If you are committed to it and you have a plan it can work. I am living proof. After many years and flying back and forth we are finally living in the same house.Originally posted by RWhiz View Postsigpic
I love him. Forever. And every day after that.Comment
-
I agree that in a LDR we can be up and down, there just seems to be enough warning signs in his post to stay away from this chick regardless of LDR status. JMO, but it's not about making it, it's finding the right person at the right time, if this situation isn't right, maybe it's time to move on to someone else. I'm not going to get a lot of points on a site like this by saying that but it is my honest opinion!
Your situation is obviously a good one finding your husband, me and my GF will be living in the same house within the next two months, and I couldn't be happier, but I've ended relationships for way less then what I'm hearing in the OP and they were the best decisions I've made!
I'm glad that there are people on this site to have mature discourse on this matter.Comment
-
RWhiz and TaraMarie, I understand both your points. My opinion kind of falls in between. I used to get upset over being long distance too, but I never broke up with Frank because of it. OP, it’s really unfair to you for her to break your heart and end your relationship one minute and then seemingly want to stay in the relationship the next. It’s immature. If you are interested in staying in this relationship, you will need to put your foot down and let her know she can’t play games like this; when she “ends” it next time, it will be for good.Comment
-
As of today, we are not together officially but still talk every day. She is extremely sensitive and worries a lot. While we do not say it now, we have expressed deep feelings for each other. I wish there was an easy way to end it or correct it. I am open for suggestions at this point.Comment
-
I 'm a relative newbie to this long distance thing, but I can fully understand that it's very hard. You've been committed for 7 months, that's quite the while... did this happen suddenly or has she always been very sensitive to the hardships that is long distance? Have you met each other in real life already or is this so far only online? Did you have plans to meet each other?
Sorry for the questions but I'm trying to get some grip on what your personal situation is like. In any case I feel a bit like the other posters... that if you are both committed to this (and I believe you are after 7 months), then you try to support each other as much as possible but don't pull out the "break up" card every time it gets hard. Personally I wouldn't be able to stand this, if with every hurdle my So would tell me she couldn't take it anymore and wants to break up.
Me and my SO have only been doing long distance for 5 months now, which is peanuts compared to many others here... but we have faced some hurdles already, some to do with her living in Sudan and her work, some to do with our relationship and long distance but never ever did we even consider breaking up because of this. What we discussed was that if one of us is having such a hard time that she (or me) is considering to break up because it's too hard, that we'll shout out and that one of us will move asap. This would mean for me to quit my job and move to sudan, or for her to quit her contract in Sudan and move back to Italy.
I know in practice that it would be very very hard to do so, and I'm very sure that both my SO and me would probably never ever resort to this escape plan, but to have this escape mentally was for us personally a big relief, because it's a firm commitment to the relationship. In a way we are saying to each other... no matter what happens, the relationship comes first.
I understand that in many cases this is not practical (in fact for us this solution would literally also mean to burn a lot of bridges) or even totally impossible because of a lot of constraints, but some sort of firm commitment and believe between you and your SO that no matter what you'll try to make it work, is very important in this hard thing called long distance relationships.Comment
-
I believe she is coming to the conclusion that the distance is too far. To continue to feed this love, its not very practical. I am having issues with letting this go and she is too. We were fine at 5 months but the last two have been very rough. She is so sensitive that the little things begins this let's be friends mode. She feels that she is making me suffer now and this is driving the ending. She also feels she is being selfish towards me and struggling to meet my needs. I am here for support through this as its a touch call when you have these deep feelings for someone. Most of my friends feel strong that I should cut her lose as they understand the bad parts of all of this to me. They do not understand the upsides when we are together. It's actually very magical.Comment
-
Distance can be really hard. As you have seen. Many times it is not lack of feelings for you, but the whole fear and overwhelming feeling that it's not going anywhere. Did you ever make real plans to meet? In my case, having plans/approximate dates and some sort of strategies to meeting (work, save money, book ticket) helped a lot to calm our hearts. It made it like we had a goal, something to look forward to and a light in the horizon. Something we could even count the days to (even if the plans often changed).
He did go sometimes "hot and cold" on me. And i'd freak out, but it was his defenses on this LDR experience. In my case, we aren't teens and we have been here before (i'm 32 and he is 29).
Two years prior to our first real meeting, we had attempted an online relationship. It didn't work out and I disappeared on him. He was crushed and when we started last year, he was scared. It was very different both times, and I was totally in this time around, but of course it was natural for him to feel scared. And he would sometimes just try to keep as busy as possible (we still both do that in order to not be sad with the distance).
I hope it works out well!Comment
Comment