Hi there!
Would really appreciate any help you can offer- thanks!!
I've been with my BF for 4 years. It pains me to say this but looking back I can't remember much. I was a vegan for 8 years and my health rapidly declined during this time and it wasn't until recently two months into a carnivore diet that my memory is coming back, my hormones are rebalancing and my mood is stabilizing. I developed really bad depression from the diet and wasn't able to be fully present for my BF during this time. I had even asked him for space as I was feeling suicidal and literally felt like dying bc candida was coming on strong. I had lost my job bc of pain I developed in my forearms, my dog died, lost all my friends, my health and then my purpose: veganism. Everything was taken away from me in a short period of time. I made everything so centered around myself that I couldn't be there for him emotionally. I asked him why he stayed recently and he mentioned bc I was his best friend...even though I really couldn't offer him much bc I was so focused on getting my health back. Things changed drastically after changing my diet. I had previously had bad brain fog, no sexual appetite, and depression, and no energy...but it all flipped a switch and I feel like a brand new person. During this time I was healing, my bf was looking for work and couldn't find any local jobs so he decided to move out of state. I guess I assumed we would still be together, as we never officially had a talk and he assumed I knew we would no longer be together after he moved away. I recently visited him and this is where we had "the talk." I feel horrible bc I was so busy with myself, we resorted to doing our own "thing." When I was vegan I was really bitchy, moody and said things to him I really regret...like..."it's ok to be selfish." He took my advice..he moved to another state, got a house and is working 12 hour shifts...6 days a week to pay it off...stating he followed my advice and he actually realized he enjoyed being alone. Now...this really hurt me, as I came over to visit and to my surprise found out his position after we were really intimate the whole time. I felt deceived as he led me on. Come to find out he does still have feelings for me but he said with his schedule and obligations he can't really commit to a relationship. Even after this news, I was still intimate, hoping I could change his mind. As stern as he had been, it felt like we were still really together. I advised to move in with him but he assumed my parents will be angry for stealing me away and also, he has no time bc he's working all the time to pay attention to me. I am really independent so I can keep myself busy. I am looking for a job right now but a part of me wants to find one where he lives...and I even mentioned I may save up to put a downpayment on a house in a city he wants to live in...that way he can have his own place still or live in it and he said he could help me and maybe watch over it for me. This would be for residual income. He mentioned I will always be his best friend and he does still love me. We are still intimate but I'm really left hanging with uncertainty. I am hurt because I told him I fucked things up badly bc I was not there mentally or emotionally for him during my illness. It feels like a slap in the face bc towards the end of my veganism, I did treat him more as a friend esp with little to no sex. I regret a lot of things esp my diet. I've never cried so hard in my life and that's how much I love him. The thing is..I have enough to help him w/ house payments but he doesn't want my money. He always wanted a home..this is his dream so I am really happy for him but I guess selfishly I wish I could take my words back and wish we thought things out as a couple. He wants to be self-sufficient but this comes with his giving up his identity, free time and social life. He wants that. The reason I thought he would be open to long distance is bc we were planning to move together to another city but the plans fell through when I got really sick and wanted space for myself. He says he will always visit me when he can but he doesn't want to hold me back from meeting someone else. He nonchalantly says if he meet someone he may want kids..but in actually when would he have time to commit to someone else?..I don't get if in the future if he can put aside time for a relationship, why can't he do it now? He does say he wants to work as much as he can to retire early and his schedule could change in a few years. He says a lot of girls hit on him at work and he lets them ask their questions and doesn't tell them he is "taken" upfront but finds enjoyment in them pursuing him...until they find out his age, they don't get to the question if he has a gf. He introduced his roommate to me as his gf. I do trust him enough and he says he doesn't want to date anyone from work bc he takes his job seriously. It doesn't make me feel any better knowing this ...but I am glad he is honest and open with me. Someone hit on him right front of me and that was a huge eye-opener. It hurt..and he mentioned this happens all the time. This stings badly hearing him say this. I'm trying to be mindful of what I say in hopes that he will miss me and we can rebuild a connection...but I asked him if we could still be intimate when he comes to visit and he said "yes." He also wants to travel with me when he has enough money saved up bc I deprived him from doing a lot of things when we were together bc of my selfishness and lack of motivation bc of depression. I apologized to him for this and want to make it up to him. He still calls me "baby" but I hate how he says you'll be fine (alone). Should I even fathom about us potentially being together in the future? Will giving him enough space make him miss me and be enough to change his mind? We text almost every day but I don't want to make it sound like I can't live without him and an dependent on him. I know if I'm too clingy, it will be repulsive. I try to tell him positive things going on with me in hopes he can live vicariously through me and feel a sense of belonging & familiarity about doing things with me. It's such a tease that he would want to remain friends in the future bc I'm really connected on a physical and emotional level to him...like never before. He loves my family as well and he is a friend of my cousin. He sees the change in me as well but I'm hoping it is enough to make him budge. I would really wait on him if it took him time to pay off his mortgage. That is how much I am committed. Thanks for your help!
Would really appreciate any help you can offer- thanks!!
I've been with my BF for 4 years. It pains me to say this but looking back I can't remember much. I was a vegan for 8 years and my health rapidly declined during this time and it wasn't until recently two months into a carnivore diet that my memory is coming back, my hormones are rebalancing and my mood is stabilizing. I developed really bad depression from the diet and wasn't able to be fully present for my BF during this time. I had even asked him for space as I was feeling suicidal and literally felt like dying bc candida was coming on strong. I had lost my job bc of pain I developed in my forearms, my dog died, lost all my friends, my health and then my purpose: veganism. Everything was taken away from me in a short period of time. I made everything so centered around myself that I couldn't be there for him emotionally. I asked him why he stayed recently and he mentioned bc I was his best friend...even though I really couldn't offer him much bc I was so focused on getting my health back. Things changed drastically after changing my diet. I had previously had bad brain fog, no sexual appetite, and depression, and no energy...but it all flipped a switch and I feel like a brand new person. During this time I was healing, my bf was looking for work and couldn't find any local jobs so he decided to move out of state. I guess I assumed we would still be together, as we never officially had a talk and he assumed I knew we would no longer be together after he moved away. I recently visited him and this is where we had "the talk." I feel horrible bc I was so busy with myself, we resorted to doing our own "thing." When I was vegan I was really bitchy, moody and said things to him I really regret...like..."it's ok to be selfish." He took my advice..he moved to another state, got a house and is working 12 hour shifts...6 days a week to pay it off...stating he followed my advice and he actually realized he enjoyed being alone. Now...this really hurt me, as I came over to visit and to my surprise found out his position after we were really intimate the whole time. I felt deceived as he led me on. Come to find out he does still have feelings for me but he said with his schedule and obligations he can't really commit to a relationship. Even after this news, I was still intimate, hoping I could change his mind. As stern as he had been, it felt like we were still really together. I advised to move in with him but he assumed my parents will be angry for stealing me away and also, he has no time bc he's working all the time to pay attention to me. I am really independent so I can keep myself busy. I am looking for a job right now but a part of me wants to find one where he lives...and I even mentioned I may save up to put a downpayment on a house in a city he wants to live in...that way he can have his own place still or live in it and he said he could help me and maybe watch over it for me. This would be for residual income. He mentioned I will always be his best friend and he does still love me. We are still intimate but I'm really left hanging with uncertainty. I am hurt because I told him I fucked things up badly bc I was not there mentally or emotionally for him during my illness. It feels like a slap in the face bc towards the end of my veganism, I did treat him more as a friend esp with little to no sex. I regret a lot of things esp my diet. I've never cried so hard in my life and that's how much I love him. The thing is..I have enough to help him w/ house payments but he doesn't want my money. He always wanted a home..this is his dream so I am really happy for him but I guess selfishly I wish I could take my words back and wish we thought things out as a couple. He wants to be self-sufficient but this comes with his giving up his identity, free time and social life. He wants that. The reason I thought he would be open to long distance is bc we were planning to move together to another city but the plans fell through when I got really sick and wanted space for myself. He says he will always visit me when he can but he doesn't want to hold me back from meeting someone else. He nonchalantly says if he meet someone he may want kids..but in actually when would he have time to commit to someone else?..I don't get if in the future if he can put aside time for a relationship, why can't he do it now? He does say he wants to work as much as he can to retire early and his schedule could change in a few years. He says a lot of girls hit on him at work and he lets them ask their questions and doesn't tell them he is "taken" upfront but finds enjoyment in them pursuing him...until they find out his age, they don't get to the question if he has a gf. He introduced his roommate to me as his gf. I do trust him enough and he says he doesn't want to date anyone from work bc he takes his job seriously. It doesn't make me feel any better knowing this ...but I am glad he is honest and open with me. Someone hit on him right front of me and that was a huge eye-opener. It hurt..and he mentioned this happens all the time. This stings badly hearing him say this. I'm trying to be mindful of what I say in hopes that he will miss me and we can rebuild a connection...but I asked him if we could still be intimate when he comes to visit and he said "yes." He also wants to travel with me when he has enough money saved up bc I deprived him from doing a lot of things when we were together bc of my selfishness and lack of motivation bc of depression. I apologized to him for this and want to make it up to him. He still calls me "baby" but I hate how he says you'll be fine (alone). Should I even fathom about us potentially being together in the future? Will giving him enough space make him miss me and be enough to change his mind? We text almost every day but I don't want to make it sound like I can't live without him and an dependent on him. I know if I'm too clingy, it will be repulsive. I try to tell him positive things going on with me in hopes he can live vicariously through me and feel a sense of belonging & familiarity about doing things with me. It's such a tease that he would want to remain friends in the future bc I'm really connected on a physical and emotional level to him...like never before. He loves my family as well and he is a friend of my cousin. He sees the change in me as well but I'm hoping it is enough to make him budge. I would really wait on him if it took him time to pay off his mortgage. That is how much I am committed. Thanks for your help!
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