Unlike many on this forum, me and.my husband were not in LDR until 2 months ago. We have been married 3 years and gave a 2.5 year old together and we love her very much. I am expecting our second child in September. We have lived together since we started dating and until 2 months ago.
I had to move to my home country on the other side of the planet and we have to go through family reunification process. I was an international student in the USA when I met my husband and my immigration situation is not typical and simply marrying an American didnt mean I would get to stay. I moved with our daughter and I am expecting as I said. We are looking at being apart for about 1.5-2 years because reunification takes this damn long. At the time of me preparing to move we also sold our house and my husband moved and started a new job which he really loves.
So right now we are 10 hours time difference apart. When we wake up it is almost midnight his time and he is tired and we barely get to talk. Sometimes we don't. Then when it is time for him to go to work it is our afternoon and he always calls on his way to work but it is a short conversation. When it is his lunch time I put our child to sleep already or she is already asleep so we often dont get to talk during his lunch.
Also there is a lot if differences in our life situation. I live with my parents who are poor and have what is considered 1 bedroom apartment by US standards. And I am expecting a child so I dont work coz in my country no one hires pregnant women. U am never alone and I am stuck in a tiny place pregnant, with a toddler and with my parent. My husband lives alone in a nice 2 bedroom apartment. He also works and loves his job and is advancing his career. Sometimes I feel like while I want and do feel happy for him I feel sorry for myself and the differences in our circumstances. He sends us money but it's not enough to rent a place and to also play bills and buy food. It is enough for food, some entertainment of my daughter occasionally and that's about it. His salary is less now than it was before and he says he cant send us more at this time.
Whenever we talk I always feel like we end up taking about our daughter or about what needs to be done with our documents or something. I have no doubt that he loves us and misses us but I guess we are not handling the distance well in terms of keeping the emotional connection string and that worries me.
There are some differences in the way that we have been raised that I feel dont helo the situation. For example, he says he cant send us more money but he lives in an apartment that is nice (he says it is because he wants us to live in a better place when we come back and if a miracle happens and we get back sooner there is a safe place for us. But the reality is that for 1.5-2 years we will likely not get reunited). He takes his work clothes to dry cleaners instead if washing and ironing it himself coz he feels tired after work and because he wants it nice and starched etc. instead of sending us a little extra. He grew up middle class in the USA. I know these things are the norm for him and he does it not because he wants to be mean etc. but I grew up very poor and if I was him I would sacrifice my comfort to a maximum to make sure my child and spouse are most comfortable...
He gets bored coz in the new place he has no family or friends. That worries me of course too. I am never alone here even if I want to be. And I am in a situation when he has no worries about me even thinking about anyone else. He is in a different situation and while he is a good man and I never had a reason not to trust him, when I think about how much longer we have to be apart I get worried...
I dont know if anyone out here is in a situation any similar to mine, but I mainly want to know how to keep the emotional closeness when the distance and time difference is so against you. And how to discuss difficult things without getting in arguments? How do you keep the loving connection going?
I had to move to my home country on the other side of the planet and we have to go through family reunification process. I was an international student in the USA when I met my husband and my immigration situation is not typical and simply marrying an American didnt mean I would get to stay. I moved with our daughter and I am expecting as I said. We are looking at being apart for about 1.5-2 years because reunification takes this damn long. At the time of me preparing to move we also sold our house and my husband moved and started a new job which he really loves.
So right now we are 10 hours time difference apart. When we wake up it is almost midnight his time and he is tired and we barely get to talk. Sometimes we don't. Then when it is time for him to go to work it is our afternoon and he always calls on his way to work but it is a short conversation. When it is his lunch time I put our child to sleep already or she is already asleep so we often dont get to talk during his lunch.
Also there is a lot if differences in our life situation. I live with my parents who are poor and have what is considered 1 bedroom apartment by US standards. And I am expecting a child so I dont work coz in my country no one hires pregnant women. U am never alone and I am stuck in a tiny place pregnant, with a toddler and with my parent. My husband lives alone in a nice 2 bedroom apartment. He also works and loves his job and is advancing his career. Sometimes I feel like while I want and do feel happy for him I feel sorry for myself and the differences in our circumstances. He sends us money but it's not enough to rent a place and to also play bills and buy food. It is enough for food, some entertainment of my daughter occasionally and that's about it. His salary is less now than it was before and he says he cant send us more at this time.
Whenever we talk I always feel like we end up taking about our daughter or about what needs to be done with our documents or something. I have no doubt that he loves us and misses us but I guess we are not handling the distance well in terms of keeping the emotional connection string and that worries me.
There are some differences in the way that we have been raised that I feel dont helo the situation. For example, he says he cant send us more money but he lives in an apartment that is nice (he says it is because he wants us to live in a better place when we come back and if a miracle happens and we get back sooner there is a safe place for us. But the reality is that for 1.5-2 years we will likely not get reunited). He takes his work clothes to dry cleaners instead if washing and ironing it himself coz he feels tired after work and because he wants it nice and starched etc. instead of sending us a little extra. He grew up middle class in the USA. I know these things are the norm for him and he does it not because he wants to be mean etc. but I grew up very poor and if I was him I would sacrifice my comfort to a maximum to make sure my child and spouse are most comfortable...
He gets bored coz in the new place he has no family or friends. That worries me of course too. I am never alone here even if I want to be. And I am in a situation when he has no worries about me even thinking about anyone else. He is in a different situation and while he is a good man and I never had a reason not to trust him, when I think about how much longer we have to be apart I get worried...
I dont know if anyone out here is in a situation any similar to mine, but I mainly want to know how to keep the emotional closeness when the distance and time difference is so against you. And how to discuss difficult things without getting in arguments? How do you keep the loving connection going?