30+ Huge factors to close the distance

[sallysue82]

So glad I found this webpage. My BF is 20+ years my senior (I'm 36) we have only known each other since November (7.5 months). I am a single mother to a 5 year old son and have a strong co-parenting relationship with my son's father.

Meeting my BF was such a fluke for the both of us, neither of us was looking for anything and I guess its true, that is when you find someone. We are both new to a LDR situation and working out the kinks as we go along. All has been going very well for us but there is ONE LARGE complication in our future plans.

I would like to make the move to be with him in Australia from the US. . . however my son's father will not allow me to take him to live in another country ( and I honestly do not blame him). Our co-parenting relationship is very strong but it is not in my child's best interest for me to move him to another country where I do not have family or a support system other than my new relationship and his family. This is a very intense decision and I have not made any concrete plans on moving yet but I feel in my heart that is where I want to be.

EVERYONE judges me on this and I have had long friendships damaged by expressing my desire to move and my willingness to leave my child with his father. I have tried to research any other woman in my situation but I have not had any luck.

I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest in a safe atomosphere and hope there might be someone in a similar situation or has been in my shoes.

Thanks

[kate04]

I feel for you.

My SO and I both have children. Mine are 10 and 7, his are a little older. It's so daunting knowing there's 11 years before the youngest is an adult and off to university. I'm in the UK, he's in the US. My children's dad and I also co-parent brilliantly (same for my SO and his kids' mum). It's so difficult. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it and wish things were different, then feel so guilty.

I am sorry I have no advice and have not been helpful, but you are not alone.

[TaraMarie]

I don't think you should be upset about considering moving and leaving your child with his dad. However, you need to make sure that this is what you REALLY want. Personally, I think you should wait a bit more, but you also have a life and are welcome to live it your way. And you would be leaving him with his father, not abandoning him to strangers. It's no different than any parent who moved out of state with their child. You would just be moving to a different country. You should still talk to him everyday and Skype or FaceTime. It's different now with the amount of technology we have. Just make sure your relationship will work first. It's a big decision. Don't make it lightly.

[LeoJ]

Yes, this is the reason(well, one of them) that I have not tried to move over to my SO. My children are older now but when I first wanted to move to the UK my children were smaller and I thought that I would be able to make that jump in that case in the divorce gave all raising rights to my ex but luckily he didn't press me on that and I had to stay seeing as there were a million loopholes to leaving the country. So I am still here but my children are older and I am closer to trying to make the move but not. One child is in Uni the other is still with me but has some anxiety issues so it is taking a while for her to get her life together. Luckily my SO understands and has been here to meet them both and loves them like they would be his own children(he never had any). I wish I could tell you what to do but I can't, only you can make that decision. I waited, but I am lucky that my LDR partner is willing to stick with me. He is also a lot older than I am and I do get afraid that one day something will happen to him and I can't be there. Another worry.....Hang in there x