30+ SHould i let go or not.

[Anonymous1982]

Hello im new here, been in long distance for yes...4 years now. Without meeting...yes that long... Weve been through a lot of ups and downs. Im 37 years old and she is 42 with 2 kids. I have anxeity disorder..i should note.

Her kids are not the problem here, one of them really likes me even. Before i start.

I use to be down in the gutter, alcohol addict and even lived on the street for 2 weeks She did support me throughout all the way. But the last couple weeks i became distant in text i wanted to give up honestly...she never really did say anyting just replied in a normal way l Eventually i wanted to break up..because if she wont miss me or tell me atleast ,,or show me any affection why bother... and told her... all she said i understand..nothing more. I couldn't bare it anymore the next day and crawled back to her.. Irl im a bit of a loner which is part of the issue here i think. Shes my soul mate why i fell in love...

At first it was great, we sended eachother love quotes and i started doing this again for weeks now...I only get an i love you but she never posts anything related to us...always her kids or the band stuff..and honestly i do care about her kids but sometimes im kinda full of it... Im constantly saying i miss you, and she understands replies with i miss you too..but i never get an i miss you from her.. until i ask do you rly.... Its like i have to ask everything but she never actually says it herself.

Like today ive been lonely and anxious at work..the moment i come home i realise i am alone and will be for a while and ill be waiting to get a bit of talk but nope.. ...and she go off for a couple hours.. I stopped eating well last week and smoke constantly..im crying inside of anxiety...

I suggested skype and we did a couple times again...its just about work...whilst am looking at her she just looks glimpses at me then into the distance talking about work. Is that normal really?

but since its her day off and im home...shed never suggest lets skype..or i missed you today when you where away..she hasnt said this in months even when i distanced myself for weeks...nothing..

I asked a cpl days ago and she said its hard for the both of us. I tried to be positive once again and suggested we should meet next year...all i get is that would be awesome...but no plans... nothing..even if i say im saving up....once again it wont come from her...just like the skype videos calls..

Am i being too clingy or should i just give up. Im afraid of it cause i wont have noone to text nor talk to anymore...and lose a soul mate..

I want to give up, in the end i still feel alone anyway, i really want to make it work so bad...but this is literally killing me eventually..maybe shes stronger than me and i cant deal with it...then again i think you could write me i miss you once in a while or quote a romantic message...but last months theres nothing of it anymore...if id ask right now..she will say shes the only one positive about us...but in my mind i feel lonely and i shouldnt..

what do i honestly do with this? maybe i sohuld just let go, and stick with it. Or persist? I feel like i gave it my all and its literally killing me...i feel devastated and panicking i will be alone..but i feel like im an asset to her shes getting older has kids ... and im just a benefit to talk to once in a while..

Im just thinking about slowly cutting communications for good..and focus on my life...alone..its gonna be hard and its against my heart break..life goes on..i am free..theres other ppl but with anxiety this has always been the issue.

What i always planned with her...i dont mind kids..not having them either..if i could spend my last years with her what we worked for itll be good...but it seems like i cant ride the road towards this goal anymore...

tx for reading.

[Harlequin]

It sounds like your anxiety might be getting the best of you, and you'r becoming dependent on her. Are you seeing a therapist or taking any medication for your anxiety? From what you've written, it sounds like that would be the most beneficial thing for you.

I'm sure she does care about you a great deal, but she does work and she does have kids, so she's going to be busy. Her kids are, or at least should, always going to come first as well. It's not that she doesn't care about you; she just has a lot to do. That doesn't mean the relationship isn't worth pursuing, but it does mean that when she says it's hard on both of you, she's telling the truth. If you don't want to give up, and if you think she's your soulmate, then the best thing you can do for both of you is work on getting your anxiety under control. Talk to someone, go on medication if it'll help. If you're already doing those things, then tell your therapist that you're really struggling right now and ask for ways to navigate those feelings.

[Anonymous1982]

Already have meds, i use to be fine a while ago. Therapy costs money, and i have a full time job...i can just say i wont come for work cause i need therapy...i live alone i need an income..besides therapy costs money..a lot..ive been there in the past.

I do want to make it work, i dont mind her being busy with her kids either. Although shes busy fixing her car and such. Today was okay she still feels in love like we first met. But i tried to be positive today said i saved 1k for a trip so we could next year...but i only get short answers..nothing like ill pay half since you work hard for it..she wont say anything like lets do it and ask for dates...nothing...its awkward. Im trying so hard to be positive and try more but get nothing in return.

.nothing..its only me doing the planning...yes i have anxeity but thats not the main reason.. weve know eachother other for +4 years..it be nice to see some ideas from her...but i never get any...then again maybe youre right..her kids are number one and im not anyway...it keeps me busy thinking.. in a year i havent once heard i miss you today from her...its always about her kids...which is fine but once in a while its normal to say it.

Im the guy without kids willing to move to another country with kids i do not know..yet i get no response...thats not my anxiety..it gives me the anxiety..hoping for something...but never get any or barely a response.

Maybe im putting too much efford in it anyway.. youre right she has kids and is busy..im just torturing myself with this..

I might just let go one of these days i dont even wanna break up were done..but just let go..

[Atlantic Crossroads]

I had this the opposite way about. Both me and my fiance are anxious people, but he really spirals into it and I can't do much to help. I wanted to meet him after 6 months together, but he said it felt too fast, so we didn't. I was crushed, but accepted that was how he felt. Him coming to me wasn't going to happen as he had no money or even a passport.
It eventually just got to the point where I was gonna go there, and that was that. I looked at flights, found a good deal, and when my money went in I booked it. It was 7 weeks before I flew, and I was so nervous. I packed and repacked my bag at least 10 times over. I couldn't print off my boarding pass, which got me stressed.
The flight and connections were all fine, no issues. I did get questioned at border control when I arrived, but no harm done there either.

In terms of our general conversation, he only says he misses me in response to my declaration as well. Though I had told him not to say it at one point, cos it upset me. I regret that now.
Regarding calls, I do find that my guy won't ask for or initiate them either. I always ask, and if it's ok, he calls me. I should ask him about that, cos it is odd. I guess it's a double edged sword. It's nice to see each other, but it also makes you miss them even more than before.
LD sucks. No bones about it.

[Anonymous1982]

Ty Atlantic, today was better and the massive clingyness and anxiety went away again. I discussed it last night and just straight up asked, and she said she would do anything she can to make it happen financial wise. I hated to ask but i have to make these steps after 4 years.. We skyped after work shes off and it was actually nice.

Its just hard to read someone in text sometimes, she asked for skype last night and i was happy about that. Shes in the US im in The Netherlands so we have the same distance about...

When i have anxiety im constantly wondering what is she doing does she still love me...but yesterday we discussed it broke my silence and asked what i needed answers for..was hard but i had to do it...on toward better times. After that the anxiety went away..sure i still miss her but i know she does miss me too which makes it better for me.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

I'm so pleased to hear this. I'm glad you were able to talk to her and clear the air. Good luck to you both.

[MIBama]

I met my soulmate. He's 1000 miles away. We waited 6 weeks to meet and that was just because my work schedule and kids and life prevented meeting sooner. My hats off to ya'll that can keep LDR's alive, without meeting in person and without going crazy, for so long. I envy your level of self control. I hate to go more than 6 weeks without seeing him. How do you do it?? I seriously struggle with not seeing him. ☹

[Anonymous1982]

talk to eachother daily and skype a lot. and make intimate videos yeah it sounds childish but it does work.