30+ Long time, no see

[kate04]

Hi
I haven’t posted for such a long time. I don’t know if anyone remembers me.

I was due to meet my SO for the first time in March. My trip was cancelled because of Covid 4 days before I was due to fly.

I was convinced all of this would be over and I’d be on a plane end of June! Here we are, nearly August and a potential “2nd wave” starting in Europe.

It’s been horrific.

I’m not working (I’ve been furloughed) and no idea when I’ll be back. Homeschooling my children did not go well, nor being isolated from my mum, worried about everything and grieving our lost meeting. 5 days earlier, we’d have been fine.

Anyway these things are sent to try us. He’s convinced October will be a goer. I’m not so sure. His state appears to be in free fall. How we are still together I don’t know. It’s thanks to his honesty, consistency and understanding. I’ve been high as a kite or so low I’ve not cared about anything (apart from my children).

My SO and I are closer than ever and finally finally I’m moving towards almost feeling secure.

I am not coping well with the uncertainty though. Like most folk. In my dark moments I worry that this is life forever now. No more transatlantic flights, isolated on this island in this house...

How do all of you cope with the news? I’m not as obsessed with it as I used to be, I realised pretty soon it was hurting me very badly. But I seize any positivity like a woman possessed.

I’m especially interested to hear from any uk- us relationships .

Keep well and much love

[vivid_idea]

I remember you!!! Welcome back. It's so nice to see you here.

I'm sorry it's been so hard for you. But I am glad to hear that you and your SO are still keeping things going. I am certain that whatever does not break us will surely make us stronger.

Obviously the situation is hitting us all pretty hard. I know I was very lucky to see my SO in March just before the lockdown started. But I definitely have my ups and downs. I read the other day that Australia will unlikely reopen international borders until July next year! That just about floored me.

I am the same as you in the sense that me and my SO are stronger than ever. It's a miraculous thing to go through with another. I know we are not in the same countries, but I understand what it feels like to have oceans apart and feel stuck because of what's happening. These past few days I have become increasingly obsessed with thinking about Visas and fantasizing about getting engaged and married so that I can get him over here. I haven't told my SO about this yet lol

Basically, it's just super tough and I hate feeling alone without him. We chat every day and we speak on the phone more often now. We send videos to each other and photos every day. It's nice to share so much, but it's not the same as having a cuddle. If it wasn't for this lockdown then he would be planning to fly again in September! I can't bear thinking about it aghhhhh

Anyway, that's why I come to the forum sometimes. It's nice to see the familiar faces who are going through the same stuff.

Nice to see you Kate, don't be a stranger!

[kate04]

July!!!!
Let’s hope they’ve got that one wrong!

I’m glad things are ok for you. We are very lucky on one hand aren’t we. Can you imagine the day when airports open and flights happen again?!

We talk on the phone most days and text and send pictures throughout the day. But I’d trade that for one cuddle!

I’m glad you’re doing well x

[vivid_idea]

Don't be a stranger!

Can't wait for the day when we get to share our stories of seeing our SOs!

[ShamrockLDR]

Hi

I’m doing the U.K./US LDR and also finding it so tough. I’m in the U.K. and SO is in the US. I’m living on my own during lockdown and feel I’m going insane and pushing him away. The U.S seems pretty open like he’s at parties every weekend with a new group and we’re only married 2 years and I’m getting soo jealous. How do I stop my jealously and insecurity?!

[kate04]

Oh gosh I know exactly what you mean. I’ve been a complete bitch more times than I like and I’ve actually told him that I want him to end it. He hasn’t.

I totally get what you mean. His life hasn’t even changed except for wearing a mask at the supermarket!

There’s no end to my mind either. I keep checking the airlines to see if they’re starting flights, but nothing!

I’m just keeping busy. Lots of exercise (although motivation is lacking). I’m off furlough for 2 days a week atm which helps and I’m being honest with him about my feelings. Not sure he totally gets it though. He was astonished when I told him about checking in with QR codes when we were allowed out.

Sorry that’s not especially helpful but hope it helps that you’re not alone x

[ShamrockLDR]

I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling this. At times, I feel like I’ve lost my mind and I’m really resentful and the only way I can calm myself is by not talking to him which isn’t helpful. When I do talk to him, I lash out which drives him away further. I’m only a month into it and struggling so much with it. I think you’re right that keeping busy is a good strategy- it’s just hard to do that right now with everything shut down. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been furloughed, can only add to the stress I imagine

[kate04]

Not talking to him!!! Omg that’s me. I just spoke to him and I shouldn’t have. I could hear my voice and I was thinking god I sound so sharp but I couldn’t stop.

This is month 8 now for us and I honestly can’t imagine ever seeing him. I’ve been more optimistic recently but today’s not been good.

My friend and I are planning Long Walk Friday - it’s a nice routine we’ve got into - we plan a route and like Forrest Gump, we carry on and on until we can’t anymore! I’m so grateful we can see one other person out of the house as this is a lifeline for me. Exercise really helps.

I hope you start to feel better soon. Have you spoken about your feelings to him?

[ShamrockLDR]

I have but I’m getting the sense that he’s now a bit fed up of me - snapping at me asking when we’ll see each other again. He’s not being great or understanding but I have been pretty clingy if I’m honest and felt like I was grieving. I really can have such low low moments and need someone to take the phone from me. I genuinely feel abandoned due to the visa restrictions and am angry that he didn’t postpone going for a second time. Have you looked into getting a visa? He’s on a waiver but it’s single entry so if he returns he has to apply for another snd he’s afraid to risk that for Christmas. I got a visa interview date for end of February so it’ll be March before I see him which is a very long time.

[kate04]

My SO is very patient, but everyone has their tipping point.

I don’t know about visas. I’d just have to go as a ‘normal’ tourist on and won’t be allowed in until the borders open up and there’s some flights to his state. In any event I couldn’t do the 2 week quarantine there and 2 week quarantine when I get back. Not until there’s some semblance of whatever normality is.

I’ve heard it could be next summer at the earliest. He’s way more optimistic and says it could be early next year, but he has no idea of what it’s like here and the uk paints a very negative picture 😢

[ShamrockLDR]

Last year when my husband was putting the plans in place, I assumed I’d visit as a tourist. Since the proclamation came into effect banning travel, my only option seems to be to get a visa even though I’ve no intention of working there. It’s mad. As I understand it, the proclamation is due to end 31 December so just wondering why you think it’ll be summer before you can visit? Is it the quarantine requirement

[Woweth]

My SO is very patient, but everyone has their tipping point.

I don’t know about visas. I’d just have to go as a ‘normal’ tourist on and won’t be allowed in until the borders open up and there’s some flights to his state. In any event I couldn’t do the 2 week quarantine there and 2 week quarantine when I get back. Not until there’s some semblance of whatever normality is.

I’ve heard it could be next summer at the earliest. He’s way more optimistic and says it could be early next year, but he has no idea of what it’s like here and the uk paints a very negative picture 😢

Excuse me for butting in or anything like that, not trying to be nosy, but why can’t your partner visit you? I’m in the U.K. myself, my boyfriend in the US, and he managed to visit me back in July for a few weeks with no issues. There was still plenty of flights running, and all he was required to do was quarantine at my house, which wasn’t a problem. I was due to visit him, but with the ban and all, I couldn’t, so he came to me. Obviously I don’t know your circumstances or personal situation, I just know myself that it is possible for Americans to enter the U.K., although I guess it depends on if they’re allowed to leave their state, where my boyfriend lives was very lenient. I know it’s not like that everywhere. Surely it would be better for him to visit you though, instead of waiting for the US border to open, right? Unless of course there’s a reason why that can’t happen. Just thought it was worth the mention that for the most part, it is possible for Americans to travel here.

[ShamrockLDR]

Thanks, my husband is from the U.K. but moved to the United States last month for his career. He’s a healthcare worker and was given an exemption to the visa as the H1B are not being issued while the Presidential Proclamation is in effect. I’m also U.K. but am not entitled to an exemption

[ShamrockLDR]

If he was to leave the U.S, he has to apply for another exemption as the exemptions are single entry only

[kate04]

It’s the quarantine issue for us both. He’s a teacher. I’m guessing summer since our prime minister has mentioned March as ‘things starting to get better’. Europe may be opened up like last time but there was no mention of America. So that’ll prob be months later. I’m resigned to it really.