I 32F and my boyfriend 42M are having some issues. We've been together for about 5 months, talking long distance about 2 months before that. So we've know each other for 7 months now. We're still long distance. See each other every couple weeks.
Anyway, the problem we're having is about me not speaking enough and sometimes being low energy. Im an introvert and I think I'm autistic. Im not diagnosed. Sometimes I just like listening and don't have much to add. Sometimes I've run out of social battery. I like to think we have fun most of the time but there are now times where he's been frustrated with silences between us. Sometimes there's just nothing going on in my mind really. He did mention that having a partner as quiet as I am is very different for him but he's coming to accept it but still said he finds it challenging.
We had plans fall through this last visit so we didn't have much to do. I still feel like a guest at his house and I didn't have any comforts of home with me. Even with this knowledge we made the mistake of extending my visit. We both believe balance is important. Being present and absent. We were cooped up a little too long and he started nitpicking things about me. Things like me not planning things when I visit him. Also about me being quiet and said I was rude since he took a break from work to help me get started. I took a minute to process my behavior and realized its because I was feeling drained. He had work to do and asked me to make dinner. It was the first time I'd be cooking in his kitchen and felt a little unconfident about it and he was annoyed by that. Annoyed with my questions about if he wanted things a certain way. I just wanted to make it to his liking.
He also mentioned how his last relationship basically ended because his ex didn't really have any hobbies and would take up his work time since he works from home. I tried using his PC to keep myself busy while he worked since I didn't have my laptop but my headphones stopped working so I moved to the bed where he was with his laptop and just entertained myself with my phone and didn't even bother him but he said that still annoyed him. I feel like it's nowhere near a reflection of what it would be like to live together but I guess it reminded him of how his ex was. The next day he started getting annoyed with me lagging a bit behind him when we walk around the city. It's his city and I don't really know my way around yet so sometimes Im a bit behind. He also walks at a faster pace than I do and its hard to keep up sometimes.
I feel like he doesn't really like me. Since the beginning he's mentioned how quiet I am. I feel like we usually have great conversations. There are some quiet times but I guess it bothers him and he feels the need to fill the silence when I don't. So me being quiet along with him nitpicking me since we were cooped up for a bit has him annoyed and needing space. I left his city today and called him just a bit ago but it didn't go great. Im just left feeling like I'm not good enough or that we're not compatible. I don't know what I'm really looking for posting here. We already communicated as much as we can about it and he needs space. I just want other's opinions or maybe advice. Thanks in advance
edit: forgot to mention we've been talking about hopefully moving in together next month or Sept. So this kinda puts a wrench in things I think. Hoping he realizes I won't be sitting on the bed by him while he works. I also work from home so I'd be busy with my own things in a separate room.
Anyway, the problem we're having is about me not speaking enough and sometimes being low energy. Im an introvert and I think I'm autistic. Im not diagnosed. Sometimes I just like listening and don't have much to add. Sometimes I've run out of social battery. I like to think we have fun most of the time but there are now times where he's been frustrated with silences between us. Sometimes there's just nothing going on in my mind really. He did mention that having a partner as quiet as I am is very different for him but he's coming to accept it but still said he finds it challenging.
We had plans fall through this last visit so we didn't have much to do. I still feel like a guest at his house and I didn't have any comforts of home with me. Even with this knowledge we made the mistake of extending my visit. We both believe balance is important. Being present and absent. We were cooped up a little too long and he started nitpicking things about me. Things like me not planning things when I visit him. Also about me being quiet and said I was rude since he took a break from work to help me get started. I took a minute to process my behavior and realized its because I was feeling drained. He had work to do and asked me to make dinner. It was the first time I'd be cooking in his kitchen and felt a little unconfident about it and he was annoyed by that. Annoyed with my questions about if he wanted things a certain way. I just wanted to make it to his liking.
He also mentioned how his last relationship basically ended because his ex didn't really have any hobbies and would take up his work time since he works from home. I tried using his PC to keep myself busy while he worked since I didn't have my laptop but my headphones stopped working so I moved to the bed where he was with his laptop and just entertained myself with my phone and didn't even bother him but he said that still annoyed him. I feel like it's nowhere near a reflection of what it would be like to live together but I guess it reminded him of how his ex was. The next day he started getting annoyed with me lagging a bit behind him when we walk around the city. It's his city and I don't really know my way around yet so sometimes Im a bit behind. He also walks at a faster pace than I do and its hard to keep up sometimes.
I feel like he doesn't really like me. Since the beginning he's mentioned how quiet I am. I feel like we usually have great conversations. There are some quiet times but I guess it bothers him and he feels the need to fill the silence when I don't. So me being quiet along with him nitpicking me since we were cooped up for a bit has him annoyed and needing space. I left his city today and called him just a bit ago but it didn't go great. Im just left feeling like I'm not good enough or that we're not compatible. I don't know what I'm really looking for posting here. We already communicated as much as we can about it and he needs space. I just want other's opinions or maybe advice. Thanks in advance
edit: forgot to mention we've been talking about hopefully moving in together next month or Sept. So this kinda puts a wrench in things I think. Hoping he realizes I won't be sitting on the bed by him while he works. I also work from home so I'd be busy with my own things in a separate room.
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