Struggling with missing him
Hi all, I joined and am writing this because I don't have people to turn to who know what it is like to be in a LDR. I also never wanted one for myself because I am such a physically affectionate person and I knew it would be hard for me. But, we met and I fell in love, and he fell for me and I adore him and wouldn't ever want to lose him. But right now I am in so much pain, and its hard to talk about with him because he feels responsible for my pain because being with him is part of the cause. Its really not in any way his fault, but we both struggle with mental illness so I understand why he blames himself, if unfairly. I need somewhere to talk about my loneliness and how much I want to be close to him.
My boyfriend also has Non-24 sleep wake disorder, so even though hes only 3 hours ahead, sometimes our schedules are the exact opposite. And I am busy with work and applying to grad school. Lately he has been going to bed while I am at work and waking up a bit after I go to bed, so we only text a bit in the morning. I am thankful for what contact we get to have, but I feel so incredibly lonely with missing him, and I yearn to feel him in my arms and hug him and be held. I feel dissatisfied with how our interactions are limited to just sharing things from our separate lives. I want to be with him physically and experience the same things at the same time. I miss the immediate back and forth of conversation, I miss his smell. We have met twice in person and its divine, but I miss it so much. We just got to hang out on video call for the first time in a week and I am already crying because it felt so good to see him in real time and talk and enjoy each others company, but its so much more painful after having that to have it gone and look forward to enduring more only text based interactions for who knows how long. And I don't want to waste our time together when we video call by being upset and preemptively grieving ahead of time that it will be over soon. I will speak about this to my therapist, but I just want to be understood and seen for these feelings by other people who may have felt it before.
Anyway, if you read this, thanks for witnessing me. I wonder if anyone else here knows what im feeling and can relate, I would love to hear.
My boyfriend also has Non-24 sleep wake disorder, so even though hes only 3 hours ahead, sometimes our schedules are the exact opposite. And I am busy with work and applying to grad school. Lately he has been going to bed while I am at work and waking up a bit after I go to bed, so we only text a bit in the morning. I am thankful for what contact we get to have, but I feel so incredibly lonely with missing him, and I yearn to feel him in my arms and hug him and be held. I feel dissatisfied with how our interactions are limited to just sharing things from our separate lives. I want to be with him physically and experience the same things at the same time. I miss the immediate back and forth of conversation, I miss his smell. We have met twice in person and its divine, but I miss it so much. We just got to hang out on video call for the first time in a week and I am already crying because it felt so good to see him in real time and talk and enjoy each others company, but its so much more painful after having that to have it gone and look forward to enduring more only text based interactions for who knows how long. And I don't want to waste our time together when we video call by being upset and preemptively grieving ahead of time that it will be over soon. I will speak about this to my therapist, but I just want to be understood and seen for these feelings by other people who may have felt it before.
Anyway, if you read this, thanks for witnessing me. I wonder if anyone else here knows what im feeling and can relate, I would love to hear.