More difficult after you've met?

[Rosebud]

So I've always told myself not to post anything when I'm emotionally charged but this time I just can't help myself.

I know we haven't all had this experience of meeting after dating, but I could really use any insight. Basically, it's been only a week since Alex and I have had our first meeting and I feel like all we've been doing is arguing. I don't even know over what either. Our trip together was AMAZING, it went so well and I really felt it made our relationship that much stronger. But now that I'm back home again it's like the only thing we can agree on is that we miss each other and my single weekend I was there was not enough.

Is this normal??? I don't know what to think except that I'm really upset and I'm scared that this means we're breaking apart. We're trying to figure out a way for him to come visit me in December but I don't know how well that'll actually turn out. Now that we've met I'm absolutely certain I care about him and that he does me, but why would that mean we'd fight so much? Shouldn't that mean we fight less? I don't know. I'm just really upset and I can't even pinpoint why I'm so stressed talking to him so I don't know how to work through it or avoid it.

[sam]

It happens with me and elina (and everyone at some point probably) once we're apart again.. but it's usually after a couple of weeks..

I think its a way of dealing with being apart again after spending the amazing time together. Almost like, we hate being apart and we need someone to take it out on.. and because there's no specific reason, they're not big arguments or arguments about anything important.. just silly little meaningless ones

Stick with it, stay strong and positive and you'll be fine

[xNanax]

I can't remember how we were after our first meeting. We might have argued about things like him not remembering something sweet he did or him being brutally honest about something lol I think it's normal, or at least understandable. Because after meeting for the first time and then going home, you feel so alone and miss them so much. Now that you know what it's like being with them, it sucks that you have to go back and go back to the LDR customs. So both of you are stressing about that I think >.<

[Èternity]

I'm dreading this. I keep pushing it out of my mind but I know it's headed my way very soon so I'm keen to here what people have to say.

[mllebamako]

I think that it's probably very common. There is a phenomena called "ruffling the nest" that psychologists use to talk about kids and their parents right before the kid goes to college. It means that the kid/parents fight a lot more (over nothing) to make the parents happy to get rid of their kid and make the kid happy to be gone.
Maybe what you guys are doing is similar. Like subconsciously you both are causing small fights to help you deal with being apart again.

I don't know, just a thought. (I hope that made sense)

[Moon]

I think those first few weeks after meeting are always weird in some way. How that manifests itself differs between couples, but I think its very common. I know after my visits, I feel a huge disconnect from my guy, I don't know why, and he acts a little strange too. Maybe it's knowing I don't have anything to look forward to for a while, or suddenly having a big part of my life missing, or whatever, I'm not sure. Since I know to expect it now, I just ride it out, knowing that it's just temporary until we get used to real life again. Just try being patient, and attempt to get back to your regular life. Once the emotion calms, then maybe plan your next visit. Good luck, and hang in there! You'll be OK.

[Caity]

After I came home from our first meeting in August me and my guy would fight alot. We were getting upset over silly things and then arguing. We both missed each other terribly, and that was making us feel miserable and grumpy and stressed and sad and this filtered into our conversations and we weren't thinking clearly like normal so it ended up with silly arguments over nothing. After a few weeks it calmed down again though as we got used to being apart again. I think after meeting it's alot harder though, because now i know even more what i'm missing and everyday i just want him with me again.

[Èternity]

I wonder if the fights are kind of a strange way to re-engage the connection you have on a visit and then lost. I mean when you have a fight you have their full attention again, even in a bad way and you are connected with intense feelings. I'm not sure. I think I need to ponder on that.

[Caitlin2009]

sadly it does happen, because in your heart you know things are supposed to be like when you visited each other, your supposed to be together and it sucks even more when your apart after the visit, i know it sucks alot more for me and Denise, things will level out some after a few weeks no worries just keep working on things until then

[Luisina]

Sounds like you both feel like you're missing out.. and don't quite know how to handle it (don't worry, we all go through that scenario regularly..some way or another :/)
I mean, you obviously met online - and after a year where you'd fallen in love over the internet and settled into a LDR, you've now suddenly met and experienced this whole, new physical level of your relationship.. must've changed your connection dramatically

Sounds like your first trip together was awesome! And now, after parting ways, your old relationship has a new exciting twist.. a twist that's very easy to get used to, but also very hard to miss out on, unfortunately! and well, the frustration just kinda rises from your lack of this newfound physical intimacy..
I just think you need time to ease into this new situation.. and maybe remind eachother of the joy you shared before you met in person..?

[Silviar]

It's normal. My SO and I had a few minor arguments and a bigger one over absolutely nothing important when I got back. You miss each other so much that your body tries to fill gap. It's weird, but it must make sense to some part of our brains since it happens to most couples. XD

[Bluestars]

I think we actually had our first real fight right after we had our first visit as a real couple. It was over something so stupid that I cannot remember what it was, but like everyone has mentioned, it takes time to adjust after a visit. In the past, many of our fights have been about stupid little things, but the underlying cause was that we missed each other and did not know how to deal with it.

Like everyone else has said, it should get better after a while, but in the mean time you can try to keep the fights at a minimum. At one point, Jared and I had a code word to say if we felt like a fight was coming that way we could try to start it before it happened.

[lisaar910]

Will and I go through this practically every time we see each other. It's completely subconscious. It might help if you mention how you're feeling to him to kinda clear the air. I'm sure he's had some of the same thoughts and noticed the same things. It helps sometimes to hear from each other that you're fighting for stupid reasons and you're going to be fine. That might give you some peace of mind and help the feeling that you're breaking apart.

[Rosebud]

Thank you all so much for your kinds words and opinions. I wish I could say it was going better but I think we just came very close to breaking up this morning, and given his and mine work schedule we may not be able to really discuss it until Monday. I'm very scared right now and very hurt. I don't understand why we'd do this if the one thing we both agree on is that we love each other.

[lisaar910]

*Hugs* I'm sorry! I hope it gets better. Try to stay busy so you're not miserable all weekend. I'm sure you'll work it out on Monday. We all go through the bad times, but it's worth it when we get to have the good times.