Gifts: Necessary or No?

[LadyMarchHare]

So we all like getting gifts, we like giving them. It's come to my attention a few think that gifts are a necessary part of being in a relationship, i.e. guy getting the girl things 'just because' since that seems to be the pattern dating falls into. Others are more lax, but still think a frequency of 'oh hey thought of you' gifts are what should be done/is normal. I want to know your thoughts on gifts, who should give them, how often, or if they're just sprinkles on a cupcake in terms of importance.

Me? Never gotten a gift from my SO. Am I bothered? Not really. I mean hey like I said we all like getting things, but I don't pout and stomp my foot when there isn't a letter or package in the mail with his name attached. I do send him stuff, though, but I'm that crazy person who, if I've known you a week and tolerate you and I know one interest, I'll get you a small gift pertaining to said interest without looking for reciprocation.

Do you believe gifts are necessary (i.e. 'have to give them in order to be healthy' ) in a relationship?

Are you the giver or the gift-getter?

How often do you think gifts should be given/how often have you given/received gifts?

EDIT:

Alright, let me reiterate since I seem to have, again, scuffed a few shoes in misunderstanding.

This thread is NOT about materialism, it is not about making you feel bad about wanting gifts. It is about the question "do you think, personally or otherwise, gifts are necessary in a relationship to keep you together as a couple?" In other words, just what in your opinion should be the importance of material gifts, not just texts or letters, when it comes to your happiness with your partner? The other questions are mere curiousity.

[Caitlin2009]

Do you believe gifts are necessary (i.e. 'have to give them in order to be healthy' ) in a relationship? no. its nice to recieve them but in this relationship her presence alone is enough for me

Are you the giver or the gift-getter? both but im more of a giver

How often do you think gifts should be given/how often have you given/received gifts? whenever they have the means to

[xNanax]

Do you believe gifts are necessary (i.e. 'have to give them in order to be healthy' ) in a relationship?
No. They are nice every once in a while, but they are not necessary. We're both not materialistic, so we don't mind at all or don't care enough to not get gifts. The most he'll do for special occasions is get me a card and some potted flowers to plant :P But if we do give gifts, they are usually handmade things <3
Are you the giver or the gift-getter?
I'm the giver xD
How often do you think gifts should be given/how often have you given/received gifts?
Just every super special occasion like yearly anniversaries and birthdays and such. Not that often xD

[nicole]

Do you believe gifts are necessary (i.e. 'have to give them in order to be healthy' ) in a relationship?

Not at all, I mean it's nice, but I wouldn't say it's a necessity. In fact, I HATE people spending money on me, I've been like that since I was little, so I would feel bad receiving them all the time. A random rose in a pint glass of water every so often puts a smile on my face, anything more I would feel guilty!

Are you the giver or the gift-getter? I'd say we're pretty equal, if I see something that I think he would like or amuse him, I would get it- like I found a million dollar bill in a joke shop a few weeks back, and as he always jokes about winning the lottery, I sent it to him in my last letter. It's on his wall at work now I think he's bought flowers for me more times I've done that though.

How often do you think gifts should be given/how often have you given/received gifts? I don't think there should be a set frequency! I actually like it when they are few and far between, because when they are random like that, they probably put more thought into it rather then "Oh it's been a week since I last bought him/her something, I MUST buy something now".

My SO has bought me and my roommate cupcakes for studying, he once came back with 50 yards of bubblewrap for me to pop when I was stressing out, and numerous bunches of flowers, and that's it, amongst birthday and christmas presents. That is enough for me, more than enough. I am perfectly content, and would never wish for more

My SO was telling me about his work colleague the other day, who's wife is 8 months pregnant. His colleague was telling my SO she would not stop nagging him, when my SO asked why he said "She's been asking for months for me to buy her flowers, but I would rather spend the money on a bucket of golf balls or stuff for Cleo" Cleo is his dog. I mean come on, that is bad! She's bearing his child and he he'd rather buy a bone for his dog then some flowers for her. My SO was horrified and made this guy go get some in their lunch break. I think in that situation, they are a necessity, more of a self-esteem booster then anything!

[Luisina]

Do you believe gifts are necessary (i.e. 'have to give them in order to be healthy' ) in a relationship?
Not necessary, no.. far from it. And I'm not really into the monthly giving and receiving presents that other couples in my social circle are doing.. it can easily end up becoming a bit too standard.. and cause the unnecessary stress of trying to find that perfect gift every single month..
It's a really nice way to show your affection, I think. Especially when you're far away from eachother
But for me, presents are appreciated the most when they aren't expected..

Like: before he left, my BF picked me up at school after late homework and on the way home he suddenly, with his awesome fake surprised act, dramatically reaches into a bush and then hands me this single beautiful purple flower that he'd bought and hidden there on his way to see me.. totally unexpected, and ridiculously sweet

Are you the giver or the gift-getter?
Well, in my relationship I ended up being the getter.. my BF loves buying me flowers.. I used to accuse him of spoiling me
but I truly enjoy giving as well..

How often do you think gifts should be given?
As I said before, it really shouldn't become a routine.. you give when you feel for it, e.g. when you stumble across his favorite candy while grocery shopping.. or something similar..

[Darth_Taco]

Do you believe gifts are necessary (i.e. 'have to give them in order to be healthy' ) in a relationship?
No, I don't wanna buy his love (besides, it's easier to cook for it xD). We're both cheap and poor, so we don't really give physical gifts that much. My idea of a gift is more like a letter to him, and his is sending me a compliment through a text or an "I love you". That means more to me than any material gift he can give me. Though I do love my Chewbacca plushie and my zombie plushie.

Are you the giver or the gift-getter?
Giver XP. Don't judge me! D: Not material gifts though, it actually physically hurts me to spend money so I don't do it much XP. Poor Enrique, I bet he'd like more stuff lol. If I give him a material gift, it'll likely be something he needs or something that will make him lol. He likes giving me more sentimental gifts (hence the plushies). I was never into them before, but I've learned to like sentimental.

How often do you think gifts should be given/how often have you given/received gifts?
I think it all depends on the people involved. I personally only really give them during the important times like birthdays, Christmas, anniversary, maybe Valentine's Day. It's what works for us. I think we forgot the gift giving this anniversary though xD. Oh well, I'll make it up to him by bending over and taking it :P.

[noodle]

Do you believe gifts are necessary (i.e. 'have to give them in order to be healthy' ) in a relationship?
In a LDR some times yes. I mean like more of a present as "here you have somethin from me" which can be only once in a few years

Are you the giver or the gift-getter?
Right now I am the giver... Maybe that's why I get upset sometimes for not gettin anythin

How often do you think gifts should be given/how often have you given/received gifts?
It doesnt have to be often but as I said at the first question that one would be enough. I think I would actually stop gettin upset at him for not sendin me anythin if he'd send me just a letter.
I have sent him 2 packages, first one cause he was havin a hard time with college and parents (so to cheer him up kinda) and one for his bday. I have yet recieved none... Eventhough he's been sayin he'll send a shirt and his collogne since we started datin (approx. 6-7months).
Tho it's kinda complicated with the two of us, due to me bein able to send whatever and whenever I want and he is restricted cause his parents can't know and he's a poor kid so yea ^^ lol

[Èternity]

Do you believe gifts are necessary (i.e. 'have to give them in order to be healthy' ) in a relationship?
Material gifts aren't necessary in our relationship. I've never given him a physical gift. I believe in gifts of yourself, that of which you have least at the time. If he's busy, a gift of his time is the best present. If he's cranky a gift of his compassion and empathy warms me. If he's tired, a gift of his patience with me is more than I need.

Are you the giver or the gift-getter?
I'm a giver. But I do love to get surprises too.

How often do you think gifts should be given/how often have you given/received gifts?
Gifts are best given when the getter least expects it.

[blankita719]

Do you believe gifts are necessary (i.e. 'have to give them in order to be healthy' ) in a relationship?
Absolutely not...We've given each other gifts when we've been together, but we're both single parent households, in salary positions and neither one of us have the time to worry about going to the post office to mail off packages to each other. It's a nice token, but the best gift we ever gave each other was the promise to make it work...

Are you the giver or the gift-getter?
I give more, but that's my nature. Not that he never does, but I tend to do more.

How often do you think gifts should be given/how often have you given/received gifts?
Mostly anniversaries, special occasions. Although every once in awhile it's a nice surprise. My SO is a coffee addict and one night he was talking about being tired after work and not feeling like going to the store to buy some coffee, so I hopped online & sent him a coffee gift basket and had it delivered to his work so he wouldn't run out of coffee for awhile. He loved it, and I loved that he loved it!

[Silviar]

Do you believe gifts are necessary (i.e. 'have to give them in order to be healthy' ) in a relationship?

I personally don't find them necessary in the way you describe. t least not physical gifts. I prefer the gift of time and companionship. I'm a very needy person who needs to have quality time with her SO daily, even if it's just 15 minutes of he and I.

Are you the giver or the gift-getter?

In our relationship, I'm the giver. I've sent him about a half a dozen packages, and he was going to send me one for our anniversary which he never got around to XD.

How often do you think gifts should be given/how often have you given/received gifts?[/QUOTE]

Again, this goes to the definition of a gift. I define gift as not necessarily a material item, but, say, a gift of time or an experience as well. I think it's important to acknowledge special days like birthdays/holidays/anniversary with gifts, but I'm very flexible on what that gift ends up being. I also think that spontaneous gifts are wonderful, and I do wish sometimes my SO would send me one, but honestly - the random emails I get from him that are so very sweet are my favorite thing he does for me. Things like that and put up a Skype status just for me.

Actually, it's really interesting that you mention the gift giving as a relationship need. There's an interesting book called The Five Love Languages, and one of the languages that some people have is desiring gifts. I don't think that makes a person shallow or needy anymore than someone like myself who takes up a lot of my SO's time because I need together time, but shows humanity's different needs for feeling desired and loved.

[squiddie]

Do you believe gifts are necessary (i.e. 'have to give them in order to be healthy' ) in a relationship?
Definitely not.

Are you the giver or the gift-getter?
I'm usually the giver. I make up care packages or send little things (press-on tattoos, photos, etc) in with his letters. But when he does send presents, he comes up big. Last year he sent gifts for my birthday/our anniversary (they're a month apart, so he combined them last year, and I have a feeling he has again this year), and Valentine's day. We were together at Christmas, so there was no need to send gifts, and I gave him his birthday present a few weeks late as he was returning from Spain shortly after it.

How often do you think gifts should be given/how often have you given/received gifts?
I think they should be given when you feel a need to do so. If that happens to only be at birthdays and major gift-giving holidays, then so be it. A lot of the gifts I send are little things that I can slip in the envelope, aside from the care packages, which I've done twice.

[squeeker]

Do you believe gifts are necessary (i.e. 'have to give them in order to be healthy' ) in a relationship? Nope.

Are you the giver or the gift-getter? Both!

How often do you think gifts should be given/how often have you given/received gifts? My SO and I haven't given each other many material gifts. We've exchanged cards a few times and he sent me chocolate once (something you can only get in the UK) and he bought me a hat through Ebay... and I bought him a charger through Ebay for his iphone because at one point it looked like he might not have access to his computer for awhile but that changed... but now he can charge his iphone without his computer being on! And he has facebook and Skype on his iphone! I know he wishes he could send me more stuff because he's mentioned it before, but his finances are tight and have been pretty much since I've known him. I would send him more things but then I don't want him to feel bad if I send him lots of things and then he might feel like he has to buy me something in return. So I just talk to him online and occasionally I send him an ecard or make him a picture!

[Pixie]

Do you believe gifts are necessary (i.e. 'have to give them in order to be healthy' ) in a relationship? My SO and I aren't big on the whole gift thing, especially for holidays.
We didn't exchange gifts last Christmas. He didn't get me anything for my birthday. I don't expect flowers.
It's never been a big deal to us, not a fan of being obligated to do things for someone.

I did, however, make him something for his birthday this year, but that was just because I had a good idea and wanted to create it for him. I would have done it regardless of birthdayness.

Oh and he bought me a few bags of m&ms a month or two ago because I'm a sucker for chocolate.


Are you the giver or the gift-getter?
Both I guess.

How often do you think gifts should be given/how often have you given/received gifts? I kind of answered this in the first part, oops. I don't think there's a set number of gifts or whatever. I wouldn't care if he never got me anything. Haha. All I want for holidays is to spend some time with him . I mean, if I was out and saw something I know he'd really like or if I have a good idea for something to make...I just get it or make it.

[Rosebud]

Do you believe gifts are necessary (i.e. 'have to give them in order to be healthy' ) in a relationship?

Yes. I feel your portraying this need or those who feel this need in a negative light and I don't believe that to be true. People share and recieve affection in a huge multitude of ways and for some people this may mean getting gifts even though it has very little to do with being materialistic. As someone also mentioned I think being in an LDR has made this more important to me than I think it'd be in a CDR. I can't just stop by his house an time and visit his room so when he gives me something that belongs to him, yes, I treasure it more and it means a lot to me. When he gives me a gift to remember him by or that he bought because it reminded him of me, well, that's huge. It gives me that extra swell of happiness to know I am in his thoughts even when we're so far apart as well as something physical I can hold to remind me of him, to know that he was once holding as well. These do not have to be huge, expensive gifts either- a rose, a photo, a postcard. But they are tokens of his affections that are tangible and that I can keep with me.

Are you the giver or the gift-getter?

Both. Before we'd met I liked to send him letters or small gifts through the post, and I had made something special for him for when we first met. During our trip he gave me gifts as well. I do like picking out just the right things for the people I care about, to let them know I know who they are as a person and to find the right presents I know they would appreciate, that actually means something to them instead of some generic ho-hum whatever.

How often do you think gifts should be given/how often have you given/received gifts?
I'm not sure about this one. I do think they are appropriate on birthdays and Christmas (as has always been customary in my family), as well as big anniversaries (such as 6 months or 1 year). Otherwise, I think they should just be given simply by playing it by ear. It should not be something one feels obligated to do but rather something one wants to do. If one of your receives a huge pay raise at work that may be reason to celebrate, or if you've made a big step forward in your relationship, or even just sending something 'just because'. There's no magic number of times a gift should be given. And as for myself, I've sent gifts probably around 4 times and received back about as many.

[LadyMarchHare]

Do you believe gifts are necessary (i.e. 'have to give them in order to be healthy' ) in a relationship?

Yes. I feel your portraying this need or those who feel this need in a negative light and I don't believe that to be true.

Not really, I've just seen over the months I've been here people obsess over not getting gifts and that's basically what I'm asking: is it really necessary to do that? I'm not saying everyone does it or that gifts are bad. I'm asking a question as well as giving my opinion that I don't think it's a huge deal.