VENT: SO frustrated!!!

[MoonWatcher]

The Camel:
I’ve made a post before about Skype using up my internet. No one replied to it, so I don’t know how many people actually read it, but basically it concerns my “download allowance”. Things like uploading Youtube videos, uploading photos, downloading programs, etc . use up the allowance. And lately, being on Skype also uses up my allowance. When 100% of the allowance is used, we’re penalized for it by having an extremely slow internet connection, if it runs at all.

Anyway, this pretty much happens every time I talk to my SO now. I never use 100%, but it makes the internet run a bit slow and you have to be careful not to upload anything for the rest of the day. But… it also only allows for David and me to talk for a short period of time.


The Back:
So what I have right now is this: I talk to David for an hour and a half every 48-96 hours. That doesn’t sound like much, right? That’s because it’s not. We also are unable to call each other/text on the phone because neither of us has an international plan (we’re both very poor But I hope at some point in the future to get an international plan). The only other place we talk is on Facebook/email, and he isn’t able to get on much because he’s so busy with his teaching job.


The Straw:
Today, my family all kind of hounded me about it. They want to put “restrictions” on the time I talk to him because it makes the internet slow for everyone else. I totally understand that. But really, we went from being able to talk for 3 hours+ almost every day without internet problems, to an hour and a half every few days. It SUCKS, but we do it because we have to. And they want me to cut down on that even MORE? It already feels like we barely get started talking before I have to go! It’s like, what do they want me to do?? Stop talking to him? Oh, yeah, that’s a great relationship builder -_-‘…

Secondly, I’ve been much stressed about it because I feel like it’s all my fault (which it is). Because I live way out in the country and have shitty internet connection, we can only talk about 4 and ½ hours a week and I know that’s really hard on both of us. I think it aggravates him too, but he never says anything and always understands when I’m forced to go. It also makes it hard to have deep and meaningful conversation. It’s good to just be fun and silly of course, but that serious talk is needed, especially for people like us. Plus I know it’s difficult for the rest of my family, and I do try to be reasonable and compromise with them. But they don't understand how LDR's work - none of them have ever been in one. All they say is “Well, you’ll just have to pick up the pace and get to the serious stuff sooner!” But you guys know that’s NOT how it works. You can’t just snap your fingers and blammo – all you need to say is said and done with. It's easy for them to say that, but they don't have to deal with the emotional toll that comes with not talking to your SO very much (as you all are VERY well aware of).

I feel like this is keeping our relationship from growing. And there’s nothing I can do to fix it. The only thing I could do is drive 45 minutes into town (one way) and Skype at my friends’ house. And with me currently jobless and the car not mine, that’s not exactly a frequent option. Add to that although my family is supportive of our relationship they don't seem to like the relation-ING (I just made that up I think...) if it means having their lives include a little less internet.

I just feel so helpless. I can’t make it better. I don’t expect any real answers or fixes on here… I guess I’m looking for some understanding. It’s a weight on my heart. And a pain in my ass.

[NaNi]

My SO kinda has the same problem. Her family only has a certain amount of gb each month and that's why we can't do webcam chat anymore. We also had to cut back on our talking time. We get to talk like 3 times a week now. It makes me kinda jealous when I read how most users on here can talk every single day without having to worry about internet usage, but yeah...

[elina]

:/ sounds like a pretty stupid situation you're in. I'm sorry for you, I can only imagine how much it sucks, not getting as much time to talk as you'd want.

Is.. IM not an option for you? MSN and others like that.. or does it always have to be Skype? I don't even know if MSN would use up less allowance but.. just wondering

Hope the situation gets better at some point :/ *hugs* Good to hear your SO is understanding though

[Rach321]

I know the feeling- I actually had to budget in an increase in bandwidth. I pay an extra $15 per month to have unlimited bandwidth. I did it by canceling my cable TV, and I started watching all of my TV through streaming sites like hulu and netflix.

I know that finances are an issue, but is there anyway you could figure out a way to increase the bandwidth you're allowed? Perhaps you could call the internet company and ask them?

Edit: I'm sorry if this isn't helpful. I went back to reread your post and paid more attention to what you said about your family.... this makes it more difficult for sure.

I'm in a situation where my SO is in a situation where he has AWFUL internet (we haven't skyped in several weeks and even before that it would be very limited and calls would drop all the time). This has been going on for 7 months and will be going on for 5 months. I do feel like it's putting a damper on our relationship in some ways. It's difficult to have any sort of meaningful conversation. When we do, it seems like we're right in the middle of it when the internet goes out, and then I tend to freak out if I don't hear from him again for several hours or days because he can't get a signal again.

I want you to know that even though he has chosen to be in the situation, I never blame him for the technology problems we have. I know he does everything he can to be in touch with me. I'm sure your SO feels the same way. Emailing is hard, and it's not the same, but maybe try to start using it more for more "important" conversations. That way, you know that you can both sit down and process as well as respond when you have access to the internet. Not ideal, but it's something...

[michy]

*HUGS*
I'm so sorry... there are few things that made an LDR harder than feeling like you can't talk to your SO when (or as much as) you need to. I'm glad to hear that your family is supportive of the relationship, but as you touched upon in your post, there's a difference between them supporting the LDR and them understanding the emotion and effort that we're putting into it.

My SO and I don't talk all that frequently compared to what I think seems to be "normal" for most... we don't have any internet restrictions, just really busy work schedules! We typically talk on Skype once a week for about 3-4 hours. But we do fire emails back and forth to each other, sometimes all day long. We'll send pictures back and forth, have email discussions, or share some random funny link we found online. What makes it bearable is that we both put a LOT of effort into those emails, they truly come from the heart... if there wasn't real substance to them then I think I'd have a very hard time only feeling close to him once a week!

You're exactly right that you can't force all of the "important" talk into whatever small slot of time you have... that would feel awkward, much better to let your time/talk follow it's natural flow, or else you may not enjoy as much the time that you do have.

I don't have any good advice, but just wanted to say that I inderstand the pain, and how it makes him feel SOOOOO much farther away when there are limits on how much I can reach out to him. Hang in there

[Luisina]

That must really suck - especially when you're used to so much more!
If it's any consolation you still get way more time on the phone/skype with your SO than I do with mine..
Including the daily (expensive yet necessary) "goodnight" text, we have approx. 1 hour on skype once or twice a week.. and that's if we're lucky, and no one shows up to use the office computer he's using

I was also gonna suggest msn or something similar.. Other than that, I don't really have any helpful ideas, sorry.. I totally understand why you're not into international calls... it IS freaking expensive..
I'll just sit down in stead and join you in your rant about slow internet and poverty.. being a student on a tight budget in a LDR sucks -.-

[noodle]

Im sorry to hear that...
Reading your post and the replies makes me feel bad cause I dont have the problem with the GB usage for the internet, neither has my SO ... :/
Is there no way you could get like your own internet or unlimited?

[Élan]

I'm sorry you're having this problem. I can kind of relate: my SO's internet in Malaysia is sooooo slow. We get the "connection lost" thing every few minutes sometimes, making it impossible to talk. So we try to make up for it with nice, long emails.

In terms of calling... I feel like calling cards are generally cheaper than international plans. Can either of you afford a calling card now and then? My SO and I will buy them occasionally so we can talk "on the go" when we are having a busy week. You can generally get a calling card for mere cents per minute. Perhaps saving $20 to invest in a card now and then is an option. I know $20 can seem like $20,000 when you're unemployed, though.

I'm sorry I can't come up with any good solutions for you. *hugs*

[MoonWatcher]

Thank you so much for all the responses, I really appreciate it! Everyone said a lot of what I was thinking (including some of what I needed to hear) and gave me some peace of mind

being a student on a tight budget in a LDR sucks -.-

Amen... amen -_-.

One of the reasons why I can't upgrade my internet is because we live waaaay out in the country. We currently have the best internet we can ever get (satellite). We recently even bought a new router, which was supposed to help with connection problems on multi-level homes (which I'm in) and I thought that might help. But now the video quality is so good, it makes the usage worse I'm really glad I'm not the only one that has to deal with this though!!

As far as messenger... we do occasionally do that on Skype - but he's a FREAKING SLOW typer. It will take him 3 minutes to type what I could type in 3 seconds He's very methodical and erases things over and over until he gets what he wants to say just right. He's also a stickler for grammatical correctness, so that slows him down a bit. But we do on occasion use it. Perhaps it's time to frequent it more often.

I had forgotten about calling cards, that would actually work great ! I'm very much a noob on these things - does that cost the one receiving called at all? Because I know he currently has the minimum plan you can get over there, which is I think just texting.

[folclor]

I didn't see your last post, actually ^^; but lately I haven't been using this site as I used to, so sorry about that =/

Now, Skype shouldn't be using up that much... do you video/voice chat? IF you're just IMing with it then there shouldn't be much being used up (from what I understand Skype is not a RAM or internet hog, but video is). Maybe you could do some research and find a program more suited to your needs, though? I think MSN may take up more...but maybe there's another messenger (like yahoo or AIM) that doesn't. I know you can video and voice chat on Yahoo and the sync is pretty decent.

Other than that...I hope things get better =/ your family seems like they're being unreasonable.

[Rach321]

I had forgotten about calling cards, that would actually work great ! I'm very much a noob on these things - does that cost the one receiving called at all? Because I know he currently has the minimum plan you can get over there, which is I think just texting.

I'm trying to remember, but he's in Japan, right?

Has he looked into using a pay phone? I really don't know how it works in Japan, but I can ask my friend who's Japanese if she knows. When I was living in France, I had a cell phone, but it was really expensive to call out on (I had a pay-as-you go plan). From what I remember, incoming calls were free. So I used pay phones all the time. And my family called me on it pretty often. I was able to get cards that were about 2 cents per minute to call the U.S. I'll also ask my friend if it's common for cell phones to have free incoming calls (I'm seeing her tonight). If that's the case, I think you'll be able to find cards that you can use from the U.S. for pretty cheap (looks like about 8 cents to call a cell phone)

[xNanax]

Oh man, I used to have that EXACT same internet problem. With the limits and if we go over, it slowed down SOO slow. And then it would be all my fault and my family would get on my case about it as well. It didn't really effect my talking time with my SO though because we don't skype or webcam. Just IM on MSN.

But what we did was get rid of that crap internet, and found a way to connect to the internet using our cell phones. Kinda hard to explain but it's the same speed as the other one but there's no limits. I mean we can't download TONS of megabytes because our carrier would get suspicious :P Basically my mom found a way to "hack" it ._. and got a bluetooth tethering system to connect. I wish I knew more about it so I could explain how you could do it, because you seem to really need it >_< I might ask my brother later lol he's sleeping

[NaNi]

I have a problem with Skype and MSN like every other month. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
Could this be a problem with the amount of bandwidth I have each month?
We try Skyping but it ends after a couple minutes and it has such bad quality. Other times it works perfectly for hours.

I have 20mbps per month so is that not enough to Skype every day for a month for a couple of hours each day? Haha.

I have unlimited broadband, but the same problem. Most of the time Skype works perfectly, but sometimes it just cuts out and the calling quality is really bad. I still don't know what it is, but since my SO has experienced those problems too... we think that those are just bad Skype days?

[loveonspeedial]

I get that, I used to only have one line in my house and whenever I wanted to talk to my SO my mom would pick up the phone and start screaming and what not (this is when I was younger) so I know it sucks. My mom called europe a lot from calling cards, they've VERYYY cheap they're like 5 dollars at most corner stores, I know my sisters in europe would buy them from the super market and call my mom and 5 dollars gets you a few hours on the phone, I use them sometimes to call my family in europe, you should look into them. I'm not sure where you're from, but most countries have them at corner stores, gas stations etc. The term for them is international calling card.

[Rach321]

I've completely forgot about calling cards!
I definitely have to look into them. Does anyone know if buying them online is legit?

My family has bought them online with no problems... I honestly can't remember the site we used though