First visit - fears

[Casey]

Okay this may sound really weird but I really am scared of/ anxious about/ dread visits.

He came to visit a month or so ago after he finally convinced me. I was deadly scared of the goodbye - I can barely deal with the distance, but can focus with the premise of "out of sight, out of mind" if you know what I mean. I am very good at distracting myself and we talk on the phone a lot, so its mainly him being physically here that I miss. I didn't even get excited about his visit until I booked accommodation so we could have a night alone.

I am going down there in two weeks for the first time. I am honestly quite scared/concerned/i dunno. I find it easier to think clearly when I write everything down. So here we go, these are my lame excuses:

• I don't want to leave my puppy behind (really lame excuse)
• I have to take time off work - loss of income (even more lame)
• I don't want to do the goodbye - and this one will be even worse because I'll be leaving and can't just go home and cry on my own.
• This is the first time I am visiting and I am moving there soon! So what if I hate the town? I mean, I am a city girl and have lived in Brisbane (capital city) for 15 years. He lives in a rural town - a pretty big one - but its still a country town...
• He lives in the "ghetto" and it can be pretty violent - so I'm a little concerned about what will happen when he's at work....

gaaahhhh i just don't know what to doooo. I haven't even booked flights yet cause I just don't want to think about it

[Andy]

I am going down there in two weeks for the first time. I am honestly quite scared/concerned/i dunno. I find it easier to think clearly when I write everything down. So here we go, these are my lame excuses:

• I don't want to leave my puppy behind (really lame excuse)
• I have to take time off work - loss of income (even more lame)
• I don't want to do the goodbye - and this one will be even worse because I'll be leaving and can't just go home and cry on my own.
• This is the first time I am visiting and I am moving there soon! So what if I hate the town? I mean, I am a city girl and have lived in Brisbane (capital city) for 15 years. He lives in a rural town - a pretty big one - but its still a country town...
• He lives in the "ghetto" and it can be pretty violent - so I'm a little concerned about what will happen when he's at work....

gaaahhhh i just don't know what to doooo. I haven't even booked flights yet cause I just don't want to think about it

I'll leave the lame excuses Casey, for now at least

How long would you be going for?

As for the goodbye, yeah it's hard but as you're flying it might not be so bad, at least that's the case with me. I know I can just concentrate on going to find my flight on the screens and find my gate and that sort of thing, plus there's usually plenty of distractions at the airport. Take a book, some puzzles, some music, whatever relaxes you and keeps your mind busy. I let it get to me on my way home from my first visit to see Tanja but I've been much better every time since then. I do feel like crying my eyes out sometimes but then I'll try and listen to a funny Ricky Gervais podcast. I prefer that to music usually as I have to concentrate on what the people I'm listening to are saying rather than giving into the temptation of listening to sad songs

As for liking the town - is he getting any time off work? If so then you should plan a little trip around the place, see what there is to see and if you can find anything that's familiar to you, or things that are similar to Brisbane.

From what I've read about you, plus knowing you grew up in a city, I'd say you're pretty tough and street-wise. I can see why being in that part of town would worry you, as it would worry me too but stories and reputations often sound worse than they are, I'm sure you'll be just fine there

[Casey]

Thanks Andy, I think I'm just coming up with excuses and worst-case scenarios because I'm uncertain about what to expect.
I think once I go down it will be a lot easier. BUT that said, I am really scared I am just going to hate the town (I know a few people from there and they have only given me bad stories) and not want to move. Like his next door neighbour got stabbed on the street on Friday!!!
TBH if he wasn't alone down there I would probably only go down when I move, that way I can't second guess my decision and I can just deal the way I have been.
But he is alone down there, and I'm going down because he has really being doing it tough lately. Unfortunately I have been his only real social support so I know I have to face whatever the hell I am scared of and be there for him.
Everything seems to be working out so far - like I was scared to ask for an entire week off work cause my boss is pretty crabby sometimes but he was really cool about it And TBH I don't really care about the money - it's more the fact I knew I would probably fall behind, thus piss the boss off.
I dunno if he will be able to get time off work though - it is the same week his boss' son goes into hospital for a major operation so he will be looking after the shop. He will have two days or so. When he's at work I figured I can check the town out on my own agenda and cook him some cupcakes and some curries etc he can freeze and take to work.